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re: What would you do - encourage your child to have an extravagant wedding or take the money?

Posted on 8/3/23 at 9:49 am to
Posted by Jcorye1
Tom Brady = GoAT
Member since Dec 2007
76373 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 9:49 am to
I'm glad the gf and I won't be having a big wedding (or possibly a wedding at all). We will be throwing a big party in possibly two states.
Posted by RT1941
Member since May 2007
31644 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 10:25 am to
quote:

Her parents are paying for the wedding, but we still have some costs also. Have you seen how much a rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant for around 125 people (they also like to drink) costs?

I'm just trying to get them to cut down on everything and save a lot of that money for something that will benefit them for many years.

You are shite out of luck Swampy. If her parents are paying for a wedding that will have 125 at the damn rehearsal dinner alone, then they aren't the kind to scale down a wedding that will very likely have +500 people in attendance.

Save up man, the groom's portion is going to take a bite out of your wallet.



Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112600 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 10:29 am to
quote:

What would you do - encourage your child to have an extravagant wedding or take the money?
Money, easily.

A standard wedding can be just as awesome and fun and whatever else you make it to be as an expensive wedding.

I essentially agree with everything you said but in this case, I think you sit them down and have a talk with them, put your opinions out there lightly and don't do the back and forth thing, but ultimately you don't push it and let them make the decision they want to make.
Posted by danilo
Member since Nov 2008
24665 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:32 pm to
Pretty sad people are totally fine with pissing away their parents money. Even more sad the parents go along with it.
Posted by UKWildcats
Lexington, KY
Member since Mar 2015
18647 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:38 pm to
Take the money and put a down payment on a house. To hell with a big wedding. Total waste of money.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
464478 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:41 pm to
quote:

Last I heard the minimum for a respectable wedding in Nola and this area is around $30k.

Way low unless you're 75 guests or under or are having the reception at a place with plastic tables
Posted by RockyMtnTigerWDE
War Damn Eagle Dad!
Member since Oct 2010
107892 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:43 pm to
quote:

scale back their wedding and put a large amount of their allotted money in an account
Posted by Directional Tiger
Rayne
Member since Sep 2012
465 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:45 pm to
My son got married 2 weeks ago. Huge wedding. Here’s my advice, spend the money on a great band and nothing else will be remembered. People don’t even remember if there was food at the reception, because the band was great!
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
82640 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:47 pm to
quote:

I'm glad the gf and I won't be having a big wedding (or possibly a wedding at all). We will be throwing a big party in possibly two states.



This is a contradictory statement.

The wedding ceremony costs next to nothing. The party is expensive because feeding a bunch of people is expensive as hell.
This post was edited on 8/3/23 at 1:48 pm
Posted by boogiewoogie1978
Little Rock
Member since Aug 2012
19264 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 1:52 pm to
Selling the idea of it being "her day" is a scam like Valentines Day.
Posted by Jcorye1
Tom Brady = GoAT
Member since Dec 2007
76373 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 2:04 pm to
quote:

This is a contradictory statement.

The wedding ceremony costs next to nothing. The party is expensive because feeding a bunch of people is expensive as hell.


I'm not sure how you came to this conclusion. One, we won't get hit with the "wedding tax" since it's literally not a wedding. Two, I'm relatively sure we can have a decent sized party at friends houses with catering and limited alcohol selections for pretty cheap, or at most we can rent out one of the dive bars we used to frequent for a couple of hours or so.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
82640 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 2:21 pm to
Well for sure you can do it cheap. Drop catering, DIY bar, etc. is all cheaper than a traditional wedding.

I just see people say all the time what you said, because they think the act of having a formal ceremony is where the $$$ comes from.
Posted by lsumailman61
Gulf Shores
Member since Oct 2006
7927 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 2:27 pm to
Take the money. Got married last year. Did most everything ourselves including decorating. Food was all donated or paid just cost. Jambalaya, low country boil, Jamaican jerk chicken, and raw oysters with fixings. I bought the booze. Got away with around 6k for 200 people. Lots of friends owed up to favors over the years. Everyone said best food and wedding ever. Grandma made the cake and it was devoured in minutes.
Posted by Jcorye1
Tom Brady = GoAT
Member since Dec 2007
76373 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 5:23 pm to
quote:

Well for sure you can do it cheap. Drop catering, DIY bar, etc. is all cheaper than a traditional wedding.

I just see people say all the time what you said, because they think the act of having a formal ceremony is where the $$$ comes from.


I get what you're saying, I also just assume people are going all out for weddings nowadays. We are two decently thrifty CPAs so yeah not spending big bucks.
Posted by SwampyWaters
Member since Apr 2023
1901 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 5:34 pm to
They have a list of a little more than 300, but I'm trying to get them to narrow it down to 225 and they could save 15-20 thousand that could go in the bank. Like I said before, it's their choice but I know most young married couples struggle financially in the first few years, but they have a chance to start off with a solid foundation. We still have a while to go, so we'll see what happens!
Posted by llfshoals
Member since Nov 2010
20201 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 5:50 pm to
Wedding. I’ve paid for 2 of them and don’t regret a cent of it. My daughters would agree.
Posted by El Segundo Guy
1-866-DHS-2-ICE
Member since Aug 2014
11317 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 5:52 pm to
Take the money. As long as it's an open bar, it doesn't need to be some crazy arse venue.
Posted by HouseMom
Member since Jun 2020
1703 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 6:05 pm to
quote:

Her parents are paying for the wedding


Then it's really not your business. If you think they should be gifted money to go towards a down payment on a house, go for it.
Posted by CaptainsWafer
TD Platinum Member
Member since Feb 2006
59044 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 6:13 pm to
quote:

big weddings/receptions are a huge waste of money


The difference is some people can afford to waste it. Not all of us are poor.
Posted by HouseMom
Member since Jun 2020
1703 posts
Posted on 8/3/23 at 6:25 pm to
quote:

They have a list of a little more than 300, but I'm trying to get them to narrow it down to 225 and they could save 15-20 thousand that could go in the bank.


Did the bride's parents give them a fixed budget, and tell them they can keep the excess if they spend less?
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