re: What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired?

3 hours, but not fired, he quit. It was around Sept in south LA, about 85 degrees. Me and my helper and another fitter and his helper had to go on top of a barge to mark out where some equipment would go to get shipped off.

I'm on end of the barge with my helper marking stuff and I hear the other fitter hollar at me to call the medic, his helper passed out from a heat stroke in 85 degree weather. He never came back again. He told HR that he wasnt cut out for manual labor.

20ish years ago working offshore. The company man didn't like the way a new dude looked and talked. He sent him back on the same crew boat he just got off of. So he lasted about 30mins. Company man said "put that fricking worm back on the boat!"

We had a new employee get fired during orientation for refusing to cut his finger nails. Our infection control policy requires direct care employees to have short nails, no fake nails, no nail jewelry, and only clear nail polish. This is addressed multiple times during the week long orientation and everyone is told they will not be allowed to work with long or fake nails. This guy tried to throw a fit and claim we were discriminating against him and because he was a guy with long fancy nails. He didn't make it through orientation.

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I had a new starter show up smelling like a bottle of bourbon and bad choices

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Supposedly some dude threw a no-hitter on LSD, so it's possible you were too doctrinaire with your baseball there.

I got fired the third day on a new job, but through no fault of mine own.

In summer in college, I got a job as a restocked at a chain supermarket. The hours were 9pm to 6am Sunday to Thursday. On my third night, showed up for work and there were regional managers there that called a meeting of all the overnight employees, about 4 or 5 stockers and 2 or 3 cleanup people. A regional manager tells us we are all fired and thet were bringing in a whole new night crew as the stealing of merchandise by the night crew was out of control, especially beer and liquor. This was back in the days when there weren't surveillance cameras and all that kind of thing. Even before bar codes, we priced labeled as we stocked.

After the meeting, I went to the manager and told him that I had only been there three days and he said that they decided to make a clean sweep and terminate everybody.

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Supposedly some dude threw a no-hitter on LSD, so it's possible you were too doctrinaire with your baseball there.

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Fair. I think I’m just a Debby downer

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When they told everyone they could go, he shouted “I’m off like a prom dress!”

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Wow. I've heard so much worse than this in the work place. Poor guy got hosed.

Not fired, but at one of my jobs the partners hired a new secretary. Less than a week into the job she was partying one night and stepped on a beer bottle and shattered it. She was barefoot and had to get stitches. Came hobbling in the next day, left at lunch, and never showed back up. Didn’t answer her phone when they called to check in on her. The replacement they hired was even worse. No idea of common office etiquette. Wore thongs every day and low cut pants, constantly bending down to put files away, showing anyone and everyone her whale tail. And it wasn’t one you would want to see. She was let go after 2 weeks with her first and last paycheck.

What did he do, “feel her material”?

One summer in college, I worked at a summer camp for 6 weeks. One guy was a complete moron, hilarious, but a moron. He took the camp golf cart and drove through 60 ft of caution tape like it was a finish line to get a laugh out of the kids...only problem was there was freshly poured concrete on the other side of the tape. I think that was week 2 of camp.