What do you say to someone who is dying?

My coworker discovered that he has a malignant brain tumor a year ago. He had to have immediate surgery to remove it, and during the operation, he suffered a stroke that left half of his body paralyzed.

So he has battled for the last year, has done all kinds of treatment, but his tumor is now growing again, and his health is declining even more. Probably doesn't have much time left at this point.

He is in his early 40s, has 3 kids, wife, seemed to be as healthy as a whistle just a year ago. He is a great guy, my favorite person that I worked with. Just an incredibly sad situation. We work in a small office, and it has been hard to cope with for everyone.

My boss is bringing him up to the office for the first time in several months. He was coming up here once a month or so before covid, but hasn't visited since. It will likely be his last time coming up here.

I am filled with overwhelming sadness and anxiety about seeing him in the state he will be in, and I just don't really know what to say to him. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about seeing him. I know this isn't about me, and that its about him, but I still feel overwhelmed.

I don't want to cry, and make him feel sad or uncomfortable, but I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it. I want him to feel good and happy when I see him, and maybe he will, but I know that it doesn't really work like that.

I've had trouble talking to anyone about this IRL because its such an incredibly sad topic to talk about, I don't want to bring anyone down. So I guess one of the reasons I'm making this thread is to put what I'm feeling into words. So thanks for reading.


update on how it went:

It was tough, and the lead up to his arrival(when I made this thread,) and after he left, and into the evening was the hardest emotionally.

But when he was here with us, I felt much more at peace, and normal, and I think that he did too.

We all went into his old office, and he set behind his desk, and we cut up, and hung out with him for a couple of hours.

Its hard for him to talk more than a sentence or two at a time, and his tumor is putting pressure on his optic nerve, so he was having trouble seeing very well, but he tried his hardest to hang out with us as friends, and coworkers, and laugh a little bit, and he succeeded.

I told him that it made my day for him to come see us, and that we missed him, and when he left I told him that we'd all see him again soon. That's about as "sentimental" as I got, but I believe that that was enough.

Him and his wife were gifted a peace lily at his father-in-law's funeral a couple of years ago, and he brought it to his office afterwards. When he got sick, it sat in his office, and no one took care of it, and it was in bad shape. Pretty much completely dead.

Around March, I brought the plant to my office, and clipped all of the dead leaves off, and tried to grow it back, and I was successful. So I was able to give him his plant back to take back home, and he appreciated what I had done.







It was great getting to see him, and I think that he really enjoyed coming up here to see us, and it meant a lot to everyone involved.


Thanks for everyone's advice, kind words, and insightful thoughts. And my condolences to all in here that have gone through similar things, and have suffered with loves ones.