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Funky Tide 8
Alabama Fan
Tittleman's Crest
Member since Feb 2009
43419 posts

What do you say to someone who is dying?
My coworker discovered that he has a malignant brain tumor a year ago. He had to have immediate surgery to remove it, and during the operation, he suffered a stroke that left half of his body paralyzed.

So he has battled for the last year, has done all kinds of treatment, but his tumor is now growing again, and his health is declining even more. Probably doesn't have much time left at this point.

He is in his early 40s, has 3 kids, wife, seemed to be as healthy as a whistle just a year ago. He is a great guy, my favorite person that I worked with. Just an incredibly sad situation. We work in a small office, and it has been hard to cope with for everyone.

My boss is bringing him up to the office for the first time in several months. He was coming up here once a month or so before covid, but hasn't visited since. It will likely be his last time coming up here.

I am filled with overwhelming sadness and anxiety about seeing him in the state he will be in, and I just don't really know what to say to him. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about seeing him. I know this isn't about me, and that its about him, but I still feel overwhelmed.

I don't want to cry, and make him feel sad or uncomfortable, but I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it. I want him to feel good and happy when I see him, and maybe he will, but I know that it doesn't really work like that.

I've had trouble talking to anyone about this IRL because its such an incredibly sad topic to talk about, I don't want to bring anyone down. So I guess one of the reasons I'm making this thread is to put what I'm feeling into words. So thanks for reading.


update on how it went:

It was tough, and the lead up to his arrival(when I made this thread,) and after he left, and into the evening was the hardest emotionally.

But when he was here with us, I felt much more at peace, and normal, and I think that he did too.

We all went into his old office, and he set behind his desk, and we cut up, and hung out with him for a couple of hours.

Its hard for him to talk more than a sentence or two at a time, and his tumor is putting pressure on his optic nerve, so he was having trouble seeing very well, but he tried his hardest to hang out with us as friends, and coworkers, and laugh a little bit, and he succeeded.

I told him that it made my day for him to come see us, and that we missed him, and when he left I told him that we'd all see him again soon. That's about as "sentimental" as I got, but I believe that that was enough.

Him and his wife were gifted a peace lily at his father-in-law's funeral a couple of years ago, and he brought it to his office afterwards. When he got sick, it sat in his office, and no one took care of it, and it was in bad shape. Pretty much completely dead.

Around March, I brought the plant to my office, and clipped all of the dead leaves off, and tried to grow it back, and I was successful. So I was able to give him his plant back to take back home, and he appreciated what I had done.


Image: https://i.imgur.com/RirRbPG.jpg





It was great getting to see him, and I think that he really enjoyed coming up here to see us, and it meant a lot to everyone involved.


Thanks for everyone's advice, kind words, and insightful thoughts. And my condolences to all in here that have gone through similar things, and have suffered with loves ones.

This post was edited on 8/6 at 9:45 am


Boo Krewe
Member since Apr 2015
7332 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Maybe take him to his favorite place


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281
TDsngumbo
LSU Fan
Member since Oct 2011
25215 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Don't tell him he'll be in your prayers. Say a prayer with him on the spot.


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1366
whitetiger1234
LSU Fan
Chaz
Member since Oct 2016
2778 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
quote:

He is in his early 40s, has 3 kids, wife,


This is my worst fear.


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950
colorchangintiger
Dan Carlin
Member since Nov 2005
30817 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Remind him of that $6 he owes you for lunch from 2015.


Tiguar
Minnesota Fan
Montana
Member since Mar 2012
29233 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Pull him aside and tell him you’ll delete his search history on his phone and computer when the time comes
This post was edited on 8/5 at 10:58 am


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883
IAmNERD
Auburn Fan
Member since May 2017
6968 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Man, that's rough. I'm not sure how I would react in your situation. I guess I would try and keep it as normal and light as possible, but also let him know I appreciate having him as a friend I guess.

I'm terrible in a situation like that though.


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351
shackleford318
Kansas Fan
Altoona, pa
Member since May 2020
274 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Don’t treat him any different than you would if he was healthy, he knows he’s doomed.


50407Tiger
LSU Fan
Member since Oct 2019
884 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
God Bless You, I know people have used “Bless You” after a sneeze but God generally has been taken out.

You never know God might actually bless him.


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144
soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
43509 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Let him know that no matter what, LSU are the reigning National Champions.


gadknot
Chicago Cubs Fan
Member since Jul 2005
31644 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
quote:

What do you say to someone who is dying?


Welp! see ya later.


kywildcatfanone
Kentucky Fan
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
71659 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Terrible situation all the way around. Pray with him and let him know you will do what you can for him and his family.


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100
LSURussian
LSU Fan
9 acres of paradise in Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2005
121975 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
quote:

What do you say to someone who is dying?
You already answered your own question:
quote:

He is a great guy, my favorite person that I worked with.


TigernMS12
LSU Fan
Oxford, MS
Member since Jan 2013
5088 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Do not go easy into that good night


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92
Funky Tide 8
Alabama Fan
Tittleman's Crest
Member since Feb 2009
43419 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
quote:

Let him know that no matter what, LSU are the reigning National Champions.



He's a Mississippi State grad, so he'd probably laugh.
This post was edited on 8/5 at 8:15 pm


DevilDagNS
Member since Dec 2017
1107 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
quote:

Don’t treat him any different than you would if he was healthy, he knows he’s doomed.


This ^^^. Talk to him as you would before this all happened.

.


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210
diat150
Tulane Fan
OPELOUSAS
Member since Jun 2005
33687 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
I dont think there is anything you can say that wont feel awkward. dude got played a bad hand so all he can do is cherish the remaining time. could be any one of us tomorrow with the same news.


GRTiger
USA Fan
On a roof eating alligator pie
Member since Dec 2008
53611 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Maybe tell him about your struggle to find the right words. People in his situation tend to have a good perspective, so he may lead you to the words or at least the feeling you need.

Let him know he had a positive impact on you personally (it sounds like he did.) I haven't been near death, but I feel like that is something I'd want to know, that I made a difference.


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360
LSUJML
LSU Fan
BR
Member since May 2008
24801 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
quote:

I don't want to cry, and make him feel sad or uncomfortable, but I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it. I want him to feel good and happy when I see him, and maybe I will, but I know that it doesn't really work like that.


Man up & do what you have to do to keep a smile on your face

Tell him it’s good to see him
Try to talk about normal stuff that y’all would normally talk about
Tell him if he needs anything to ask, don’t ask him if he needs anything


I really don’t have great advice, it’s an awkward sad situation

My parents long time neighbor was in the hospital & I went with my mom to see him
I asked how he was & he said “I’m dying”

Threw me off


SUB
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2009
14677 posts

re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Make him laugh then. Just try to act normal. If he wants to have a serious conversation, he'll let you know. But the best thing you can probably give him is to make him happy. You know him well it seems, so do what you think will do that.

Sorry to hear. So sad.


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