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Started By
Message
re: What do you say to someone who is dying?
Posted on 8/5/20 at 2:08 pm to Funky Tide 8
Posted on 8/5/20 at 2:08 pm to Funky Tide 8
Just be his friend. He hears enough sadness. What would you say to him before all this?
0
Posted on 8/5/20 at 2:13 pm to Funky Tide 8
Tell him how you feel about him. Tell you admired the way he conducted himself. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help his family. Tell him you'll look forward to seeing him again down the road.
Posted on 8/5/20 at 2:41 pm to OWLFAN86
Owlvis, how are you doing? 
Posted on 8/5/20 at 2:51 pm to Funky Tide 8
Humor. Humor is the way to approach this, but be respectful.
meh. if you genuinely care for him, dont hide your emotions. Now don't blubber like a big ole pussy, cause no one appreciates that. But no point in hiding real emotions when you are dealing with someone whose terminal. Besides all the other women in the office will likely be emotional, so you'll get points with them.
try to keep things lite and just let him know you are there if needed.
Or you can offer to look after his wife, if shes attractive. (JK).
quote:
I don't want to cry, and make him feel sad or uncomfortable, but I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it. I want him to feel good and happy when I see him, and maybe I will, but I know that it doesn't really work like that.
meh. if you genuinely care for him, dont hide your emotions. Now don't blubber like a big ole pussy, cause no one appreciates that. But no point in hiding real emotions when you are dealing with someone whose terminal. Besides all the other women in the office will likely be emotional, so you'll get points with them.
try to keep things lite and just let him know you are there if needed.
Or you can offer to look after his wife, if shes attractive. (JK).
Posted on 8/5/20 at 2:53 pm to Funky Tide 8
Tell him to make sure he puts you on the approved guest list when he gets upstairs that way you can visit him when you get there.
Also, tell him to blink if he wants you to go pork his wife once a month. That way he'll know she's not getting it from someone he doesn't know.
Ask him if he minds taking the rap for your work browser history.
Those are things that I could tell a friend or two that would get a laugh. I don't know what your relationship is like with this guy, but try to keep it light.
Also, tell him to blink if he wants you to go pork his wife once a month. That way he'll know she's not getting it from someone he doesn't know.
Ask him if he minds taking the rap for your work browser history.
Those are things that I could tell a friend or two that would get a laugh. I don't know what your relationship is like with this guy, but try to keep it light.
This post was edited on 8/5/20 at 2:55 pm
Posted on 8/5/20 at 3:03 pm to Box Geauxrilla
quote:
you say ... do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ ?
I would fricking hate if someone asked me that
My mother was dying, and not being religious at all, people showing up wanting to pray annoyed her, she just wanted to talk. If religion and prayer had been a part of the persons life then it’s fine.
Posted on 8/5/20 at 3:11 pm to LSUSkip
I lost my younger brother to raging diabetes/heart disease 10 years ago at age 58 and right after he was told to get his affairs in order, I simply asked him just what were his feelings at that moment. He simply said “frustration”. He couldn’t do any thing about it and that was pissing him off.
He died about six weeks later but our last conversation was about LSU football and the upcoming recruiting class. He passed away the same day I had total knee replacement and I never had a true goodbye moment.
I think your friend is going to set the tone for you. Just listen and respond in kind.
He died about six weeks later but our last conversation was about LSU football and the upcoming recruiting class. He passed away the same day I had total knee replacement and I never had a true goodbye moment.
I think your friend is going to set the tone for you. Just listen and respond in kind.
Posted on 8/5/20 at 3:29 pm to Funky Tide 8
Stuff usually doesn't get to me on here but this post struck a chord. I would 100% cry if I had to talk to him in your position. Just hang out with him and try to have fun. Tell him how much he means to you. Tell him how he impacted your life.
This post was edited on 8/5/20 at 3:30 pm
Posted on 8/5/20 at 3:31 pm to Funky Tide 8
Reading stuff like this further reinforces my belief that god doesn’t exist. This sucks
Posted on 8/5/20 at 3:38 pm to CocomoLSU
quote:
Something tells me if I were in his situation I'd want people to treat me as normally as possible.
My mother knew her time was up for about 3 weeks, she wanted each day to be just another normal day with her friends.
Posted on 8/5/20 at 10:24 pm to tigerinthebueche
quote:
Humor. Humor is the way to approach this,
True. If my time was up, I would want my coworkers to play The Final Countdown by Europe for me over the office speaker system on full blast as I enter the office. Just a thought.
quote:
but be respectful.
Never mind.
Posted on 8/5/20 at 10:29 pm to Funky Tide 8
Save the tears for the funeral. Tell him he looks like shite and ask if anyone called dibs on his wife yet
Posted on 8/5/20 at 10:35 pm to wasteland
Go to the light.
Posted on 8/5/20 at 10:38 pm to Funky Tide 8
Give the man a hug. Tell him how good it is to see him. If you cry, you cry. He knows what he’s facing better than anybody and will understand.
Posted on 8/6/20 at 12:18 am to diat150
quote:
could be any one of us tomorrow with the same news.
Sad but true, but don't live scared.
Tell them you love them
and always be aware.
We all have a date, and it's coming rapidly.
I don't make the rules so don't blame me.
27 thousand days is the average time we stay.
Then something gets in the way..... death.
But you know what? That's ok.
Because everybody is a clock
and everybodys clock will stop.
Posted on 8/6/20 at 1:52 am to Funky Tide 8
It's one of those situations you are going to have assess and then reply in what you feel is the correct way. Don't go in with a prepared statement or whatever.
Hardest part of my life (Dad 59, me 27), was going into a private room. You want me to send him to ICU and probably get his ribs broken or just let him pass with drugs? Now I have 3 Oncologists, my Mom and a family friend in the room. frickers acted like I should make a decision in like 10 seconds. Everyone looks at me? frick that. frick cancer.
Hardest part of my life (Dad 59, me 27), was going into a private room. You want me to send him to ICU and probably get his ribs broken or just let him pass with drugs? Now I have 3 Oncologists, my Mom and a family friend in the room. frickers acted like I should make a decision in like 10 seconds. Everyone looks at me? frick that. frick cancer.
Posted on 8/6/20 at 6:51 am to MDB
quote:
I think your friend is going to set the tone for you.
This is what I think:
1) Just show up. 2) Read the room—he will set the tone. 3) Don’t fret over the exact right thing to say—there is none. 4) Say what you feel—I think you’ll know what that is in the moment. 5) Don’t be afraid to cry. If that’s what wells up inside you naturally, don’t try to suppress it. shite’s sad, man, no need to pretend it’s not. But joke around too, if that’s the tone set. It’s not an either/or—you can do both. 6) I don’t know what his visit is supposed to look like, how long he’s gonna stay, how long you’ll actually get to talk to him personally one-on-one. I’m sure you don’t know exactly how it’s going to go down either. Personally, I would write him a letter just in case his visit is brief and you don’t get a chance to express what he meant to you.
Just don’t fret about saying the wrong thing so much that it paralyzes you into saying nothing. This dude is dying and leaving a wife and 3 kids behind. There’s nothing you can say that will be “wrong.” The only thing you could do “wrong” is to do nothing. Even if you don’t say a word, but give him a genuine hug. He’ll appreciate it, and you won’t have that regret eating at you that you’ll never be able to reconcile. Good luck and report back.
Posted on 8/6/20 at 9:22 am to Hot Carl
It was tough, and the lead up to his arrival(when I made this thread,) and after he left, and into the evening was the hardest emotionally.
But when he was here with us, I felt much more at peace, and normal, and I think that he did too.
We all went into his old office, and he set behind his desk, and we cut up, and hung out with him for a couple of hours.
Its hard for him to talk more than a sentence or two at a time, and his tumor is putting pressure on his optic nerve, so he was having trouble seeing very well, but he tried his hardest to hang out with us as friends, and coworkers, and laugh a little bit, and he succeeded.
I told him that it made my day for him to come see us, and that we missed him, and when he left I told him that we'd all see him again soon. That's about as "sentimental" as I got, but I believe that that was enough.
Him and his wife were gifted a peace lily at his father-in-law's funeral a couple of years ago, and he brought it to his office afterwards. When he got sick, it sat in his office, and no one took care of it, and it was in bad shape. Pretty much completely dead.
Around March, I brought the plant to my office, and clipped all of the dead leaves off, and tried to grow it back, and I was successful. So I was able to give him his plant back to take back home, and he appreciated what I had done.
It was great getting to see him, and I think that he really enjoyed coming up here to see us, and it meant a lot to everyone involved.
Thanks for everyone's advice, kind words, and insightful thoughts. And my condolences to all in here that have gone through similar things, and have suffered with loves ones.
Posted on 8/6/20 at 9:27 am to St Augustine
quote:
It’s a joke but a lot of times this kind of thing actually goes over better with people in this situation than a somber greeting or attempt at a heartfelt comment.
This. They end up getting a thousand "I'm so sorry" or "I'll pray for you" greetings and they just want to feel normal for a second. Try to make him laugh or just talk to him like you normally would. Those things will actually make him feel better. Save all the sad talk. He has already heard it from everyone else.
Posted on 8/6/20 at 9:32 am to Funky Tide 8
quote:
Him and his wife were gifted a peace lily at his father-in-law's funeral a couple of years ago, and he brought it to his office afterwards. When he got sick, it sat in his office, and no one took care of it, and it was in bad shape. Pretty much completely dead.
Around March, I brought the plant to my office, and clipped all of the dead leaves off, and tried to grow it back, and I was successful. So I was able to give him his plant back to take back home, and he appreciated what I had done.
You're a good man, funky. I'm glad it seemed to go relatively well. 
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