re: Weird interview questions

What is worse in your opinion, diarrhea or throwing up?

I was once asked in an interview, "If you could be a superhero, which one would you be and why?"

quote:

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"Tell me about yourself, and don't use anything I already know from your resume"

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I'll always have this answer in my back pocket:

quote:

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The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

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quote:

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"Tell me about yourself, and don't use anything I already know from your resume"

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In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!
...but the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!

If you were a kitchen utensil, which one would you be and why?

If this was a baseball team, what type of player would you be?

Would you rather frick your sister and the whole town know? Or fricking your brother and nobody know?

Would you rather frick your Mom's body with your GF/spouse's mind inside? Or frick your GF/spouse's body with your Mom's mind inside?

Do you thing the Rapa Nui people acted alone in the creation and placement of the Moai monumental statues on Easter Island?