Wedding Rehearsal dinner advice from other dads

Whatever you do, keep it brief.

I did a short speech for my son’s rehearsal dinner. Had it written out but didn’t read it off the page. Welcomed everyone. Had a few jokes and something nice about each of them. Probably wasn’t more than 3 or 4 minutes. People don’t want something too long, especially if best man/maid of honor or other attendants want to make a toast

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Probably wasn’t more than 3 or 4 minutes

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Too long. 4 minutes is a long time if you aren’t a good speaker and your jokes probably weren’t funny. That’s not a dig, it’s hard to be funny.

Keep it to 90 seconds to 2 minutes and don’t sound too rehearsed. Nobody is going to remember what you had to say by the end of the weekend…. Unless you frick it up

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I did a short speech for my son’s rehearsal dinner. Had it written out but didn’t read it off the page. Welcomed everyone. Had a few jokes and something nice about each of them. Probably wasn’t more than 3 or 4 minutes. People don’t want something too long, especially if best man/maid of honor or other attendants want to make a toast

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This is what I am thinking.

Other thing I am stewing on is her father has no interest in any of the traditions, such as first speech, first dance, etc. Not that he doesn’t like my son (he does), he’s just an a-hole.

You should definitely bring up some grievances. Possibly settle some old scores.

Friend,

I am not a father, but I did speak on marriage vows at Cousin’s wedding many years ago. To me it was the opportunity of a lifetime to be able to formulate and express my thoughts on marriage and love and faithfulness in front of our family.

I would suggest making the speech both personal but also an inquiry in which you prepare a true work of love and toil, because all things worth doing do not come easily. They require significant investments of passion and time.

For my speech, I spent about half of it laying out Kierkegaard’s view of marriage. Kierkegaard had little patience for the romantic who marries in pursuit of happiness, for romance is enamored of possibility while marriage is the blessed surrender to actuality. I thought of this when I remembered Couisn and his then girlfriend on the beach at Destin, where, with the impertinence of youth, I told him he ought to marry her. He did. What I could not have known that night was that his answer would become a lifetime of answers: choosing her through the unremarkable, forgotten days that are ordinary, the laughter, the inconveniences, the illnesses, and finally the terrible absence left by her death during the pandemic. Kierkegaard understood that marriage is less a single choice than the solemn repetition of one. Courtship asks whom we might love; marriage asks whom we will continue to love when possibility has given way to memory, habit, duty, and grace.

This is your opportunity to learn, grown, and share. Work tirelessly on this task and enjoy it.

Yours,
TulaneLSU

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Friend, I am not a father, but I did speak on marriage vows at Cousin’s wedding many years ago. To me it was the opportunity of a lifetime to be able to formulate and express my thoughts on marriage and love and faithfulness in front of our family. I would suggest making the speech both personal but also an inquiry in which you prepare a true work of love and toil, because all things worth doing do not come easily. They require significant investments of passion and time. For my speech, I spent about half of it laying out Kierkegaard’s view of marriage. Kierkegaard had little patience for the romantic who marries in pursuit of happiness, for romance is enamored of possibility while marriage is the blessed surrender to actuality. I thought of this when I remembered Couisn and his then girlfriend on the beach at Destin, where, with the impertinence of youth, I told him he ought to marry her. He did. What I could not have known that night was that his answer would become a lifetime of answers: choosing her through the unremarkable, forgotten days that are ordinary, the laughter, the inconveniences, the illnesses, and finally the terrible absence left by her death during the pandemic. Kierkegaard understood that marriage is less a single choice than the solemn repetition of one. Courtship asks whom we might love; marriage asks whom we will continue to love when possibility has given way to memory, habit, duty, and grace. This is your opportunity to learn, grown, and share. Work tirelessly on this task and enjoy it. Yours, TulaneLSU

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OP: keep it short and sweet. Zero jokes. Just be kind, welcome all of your guests, welcome the bride into the family, and sit the frick back down.

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Other thing I am stewing on is her father has no interest in any of the traditions, such as first speech, first dance, etc. Not that he doesn’t like my son (he does), he’s just an a-hole.

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A lot of people don’t do speeches. It’s exceptionally uncomfortable for some and can feel performative if forced. I know it created significant stress at the wedding for my mom who is just not a public speaker. When I wish she could’ve just enjoyed the evening.