TulaneLSU's Top 10 signs of life in Walmart in a SARS-CoV2 world

Dear Friends,

A parade of vehicle traffic has returned to our streets. I wonder if this feeling is a small slice of what my great grandparents felt when they woke to read the New Orleans Item on August 14, 1945 with its huge "PEACE!" headline covering half the front page. Perhaps it is the beautiful weather or perhaps it is the way people seem to be returning to a semblance of pre-pandemic life, but I feel a collective sigh of relief. I feel good.

While I have not yet convinced Mother and Uncle to return from what we are now calling the "SARS Sabbatical in Mississippi," I did for the first time in nearly two months return to my favorite of all all-purpose stores, Walmart. Many of you know that I love Walmart. Whether it's the 10 most beautiful Walmart Christmas ornaments, the 10 trashiest Walmart Christmas decorations, or my top 10 after-Christmas sale Walmart purchases, Walmart is one of my safe and happy locations, a private club where I can associate with people I love. As the Tigerdroppings OT is a good barometer for the feelings of the general populace in Louisiana, a visit to Walmart is like taking vital signs on the nation. I began documenting my trips to Walmart early in the SARS-CoV2 spread, visiting on March 13, 2020 and watched the panic ramp up on March 17, 2020.

But like many of you, the fear hit me hard about six weeks ago. I remained essentially at home, indoors, with extremely little contact with the outdoor world. The time was not without profit. The OT, rather than being just a den for crooks, liars, misogynists and womanizers, as some outsiders and political figures might label us, was a communion of worship, love, and support. We became a tighter family, celebrating Maundy Thursday and celebrating Easter in song together. One of the greatest blessings of this physically distanced time, was meeting through violin notes my musical neighbor. I also had the pleasure of reflecting on my top 10 department store restaurants, a journey through Audubon Zoo, a walk through City Park , and a fun show and tell time together. Truly, the TD OT is a place of distinction, class, friendship, and gentility, so long as one does not focus only on our warts and blemishes.

Today, I was so exuberant when I girded my loins and took Mother's Mercedes to Walmart. It was a wonderful homecoming. I would like to share some photos of how Walmart is now different. Here are TulaneLSU's Top 10 signs of life in Walmart in a SARS-CoV2 world:

10. Traffic stickers





Friends, I am not a proponent of rock or popular music. I only listen to Classical music, which is inspired by our Lord, Jesus Christ. Nonetheless, I found myself singing in the aisles today really loudly, doing my best Steven Tyler impression, "She told me to shop this way!" And just like traffic on the roads, many New Orleanians do not obey the signs, as I had to reprove a few shoppers. "Ma'am, this is a one-way aisle," I said politely more than once.

9. St. Patrick's Day clearance items



As most of you know, I scrounge for the holiday-specific clearance items. I have quite a stash of Mardi Gras money shooters, which I plan to sell for a handsome profit next year. It's weeks after St. Patrick's Day, and there remain plenty of beads and headgear. I've never seen anything in Walmart marked down 96% before today. What a world!

8. Toilet paper availability



Paper products, including, toilet paper, have been scarce the last two months, which no one can seem to understand. I blame mob fear mentality. It is hardly an essential item, and no one I know has ever died using their shower as a bidet. It was good to see a small amount available, but there seems to be a shortage.

7. Return of dry food goods



The last time I visited Walmart, there were zero dry food goods. No rice, pasta, beans, or rice. Today, while not fully stocked, there was plenty. People have recently tried to hype a meat shortage, but at Walmart, I found no such shortage either. There is plenty of food to go around. God has been extremely gracious to us. Walmart still does not sell Michael's of Brooklyn red sauce. I will continue to write letters to the local manager requesting it.

6. Alterations to the entrances





Entrances now have barricades for line forming, which I assume is to limit the number of people in the store at a given time. The baskets are also being nicely arranged and separated. Normally, the shopping baskets are locked together, and sometimes I struggle mightily to free a basket from the basket bunch. Now, though, the baskets are separated and it felt as though a wet solution was applied to the handles. Masks are not given, nor are they sold in store, so where are all these shoppers getting these surgical masks? I used a silk scarf from Rubenstein's for my face covering. It felt lovely rubbing against my face, and I believe it looked quite fetching with my blazer today. Always dress to impress, even in Walmart.