There is indeed great beauty on this Earth. It shines around us, at all times. All good is drawn to the light of beauty. There is a chasm between us and the Good. It is an opaque window through which we cannot fully see. Beauty is one form of grace that helps crack open that window. Through it, our eyes might see, not dimly, but face to face the One who loves us without failing, seeing us perfectly, as we are and not as we pretend to be, not the corrupted form of us.

Attempts to imitate beauty are also manifold. Ersatz beauty is not actual beauty but a counterfeit whose maker’s goal is to tempt. Like Jiminy Cricket wisely told Pinocchio, “You see, the world is full of temptations. Yep, temptations. They’re the wrong things that seem right at the time, but, uh, even though the right things may seem wrong, sometime, or sometimes, the wrong things may be right at the wrong time, or visa versa. Understand?” The root of temptation is trickery: being presented with a false copy and told it is authentic; being led to do what looks good even though, in fact, it is evil.

I need not dwell on the evil and the false, for one needn’t throw a stone far to hit an example. Yet I will reveal to you now some poor imitators of beauty I came across at Walmart today. If you have not yet read the more inspired and uplifting thread yet, please read TulaneLSU's Top 10 Beautiful Walmart Christmas Decorations, 2019 edition.

I present to you TulaneLSU’s Top 10 Trashiest Walmart Decorations, 2019 edition:

10. Military and Police/Fire/EMT ornaments

In what world is your profession, or favorite professional team or college for that matter, worthy of an ornament on a Christmas tree? Save your workplace or alma mater pride for a bumper sticker.

9. Planter Reindeer

What moron thought it a good idea to cut some metal refuse into the semblance of a reindeer and sell it as a decoration? Oh great, maybe in a few years when it’s rusting an unsuspecting, innocent, unvaccinated child might be cut by it and die of tetanus. It’s not unusual to see craft fairs and farmers market booths sell similar homemade junk. The only thing trashier than making these things is buying them.

8. Inflatable Unicorn

Walking out of your house carrying a beer while wearing jean shorts and no shirt with a cigarette hanging from your mouth while five American muscle cars in various states of usability act as lawn ornaments isn’t the classiest of pictures. But nothing, not even that, tells your neighbors you are trashy quite like an inflatable unicorn in your yard. No, the feeble attempt to civilize the beast with a candy cane horn will not gain you any respectability points.

7. Plastic disco manger

I nearly collapsed with horror when I pressed the button on this ghastly device and glitter and flashing lights burnished my senses with tackiness. I love manger scenes, but if my soul could vomit, it would have. The only way to make this abomination worse would be to include John Travolta as an adoring magi.

6. Disgusting ornaments

A ballerina pig and a pink horse with wings. I’m not wasting my time or thought insulting this trash.

5. Cool white tape lights

These are more suited for a convenience store or gas station in a bad part of town than for a house. Lights are beautiful, but these emit some soul-destroying illumination that surely is not light.

4. Tree topper

I love the hymn:
Crown Him with many crowns,
The lamb upon the throne:
Hark! How the heav'nly anthem drowns
All Music but its own!
Awake, my soul, and sing
Of Him who died for thee,
And hail him as thy matchless King
Through all eternity.

A crown should be worthy of a king. This polychromatic plastic is worthy only of a clown. Who would top their tree with this trash?

3. Inflatable Dragon

Like the rest of the More Sports Board, I wait with bated breath for
BearTiger’s 14th Annual CSAA League Thread. An Episcopalian alumnus of St. George’s, last year’s preseason #1, I confess that I love dragons. I love the idea of a Christmas dragon, until reality sets in and someone actually creates a Christmas dragon. This has to be one of the worst ideas of the 21st century. And trashy as can be.

2. Dancing Kaleidoscope Lights

I’m a traditionalist in most things, Christmas lights included. The idea of dancing lights projected on a wall is anathema to me. Likewise, I hate light shows set to music, especially to terrible pop or rock music. When Mother and I do the Christmas light rounds with her women’s group, I always plug my ears when we get to a house with dancing lights or any non-traditional Christmas music. Pure trash.

Walmart Store Display

No one will ever accuse me of being a snob who snubs his nose at Walmart. Yet even I can’t stand for this horrible commercialization of the small town Christmas display. Is Walmart just trolling me? Will anyone really buy this? Like the beautiful, large cathedral in the beautiful decorations thread, this one is $14.92. The question is, will I buy it if I find one on clearance for $1.42.