re: .

My ex did some horrible crap that I never thought possible after 17 years of marriage, my working every day to support her and the two kids she had when we married. She ran up credit cards that were under my name while pretending to be the one managing the finances responsibly. I supported her emotionally and financially through years of her being overweight, depressed, and "too anxious" to go out into the workforce to make more money. She ran a day care out of my house and hated it most days. I came home to other peoples' kids running around my house after work and her lashing out at me.

The first 4-5 years were good, the next 10 were unsatisfying but tolerable, and the last couple were just plain crap. We weren't having knock down drag outs or anything, but I was tired of the same old story and no real effort to change and allowed myself to adjust to the malaise to be a good father and try to help her get out of her rut.

Then, she actually started exercising and taking better care of herself and lost a bunch of weight. I was hopeful that things were turning a corner and that the spark could be relit. She lost so much weight that she had skin sagging everywhere and 70 year-old boobs. So, I offered to use thousands of dollars from a leftover leave when I changed employers for a down payment on a "mommy makeover" for her so that she could feel better about herself and we could have a sex life again. She got a car and started talking about finding new work. She had more energy. 18 grand later, she was slim for the first time with no gut flap and 20 year-old boobs.

Well, it turned out that she had been cheating on me for a few months. She left me and her youngest daughter with 30k+ in debt. I ended up having to spend another 3K on an attorney to get the divorce completed, and I am still raising my stepdaughter without her help. The first couple of weeks were rough - little sleep, poor appetite, feeling like a failure - but I decided not to let it destroy me. I got healthier and started dating and improved my relationship with my daughter. Then, I started dating again for the first time in 18 years. Beautiful women 7-15 years younger than I were out there looking for someone like me, and I put up with that crap for years to just get burned. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years, laughing and having fun without the day-in-day-out BS and having the most incredible sex I could have imagined. I have gotten several promotions and raises. My daughter is happier than ever.

Trust me when I say that things can and will be better on the other side once you convince yourself to accept it and move on. Just focus on being better and insisting on better for yourself going forward, brother.

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Of course. I don’t think I have a chemical dependency.

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You do. have a chemical dependency.

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I had a bad drinking episode around Easter that weighed heavily upon her.

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You see that statement?

When you have "a bad drinking episode". You have a serious problem.

Point blank. You are at the her or the bottle decision point. Pick which one you love the most and go with it. You'll be much happier.

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It’s too easy for the woman to walk away these days, and divorce law all plays into their hands.

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This is not necessarily true, but what men what to use to make themselves feel better. In general, a woman will tolerate a lot of bullshite from her spouse because she loves him.

Living with someone with substance abuse is a living hell. It is embarrassing, it is frustrating, it undermines any faith or security she has. Will he kill someone driving home tonight? Will he kill himself in an accident? I can't depend on him. And on and on it goes. It is exhausting. Then one day you've just had enough.

From what we know the OP isn’t an alcoholic he’s just a jackass drinker. I’ve done some dumbass things drinking too.

Ultimately OP I’d look at this at a time to take a major reflection on who you actually are as a person and a spouse and who you want to be. Sounds like most women would be pissed at yoj, missing a wedding your spouse wants you at because you are drunk/ hungover is going make almost all women mad.

I’d stop drinking awhile, work on your health and your life, and try to date your wife for awhile. Take her out to dinner, spend time making her happy, etc.

Wow congrats brother.

void

2 of them

I have been through a divorce, and yes it was very difficult, but it was ultimately the best thing that ever happened to me. I know now that relationship was toxic. I eventually cut all ties and ex and I haven't spoken in 15 years. I really loved her dad, and heard he passed, but sadly decided against going to the funeral.

Now I have a happy family of four. If you have kids with her you'll need to figure out how to be civil going forward. If not, you can choose the best outcome for you. Glass half full sir.

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It has never impacted my job. I would get cranky if I was already drunk and someone tried to deny me a drink, but never physically abusive or cursing at anybody. Apparently took my clothes off once, but she was already in bed.

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You clearly love alcohol more than her.

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It has never impacted my job.

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Alcoholics who say this lie to themselves.

Would you have been better at your job had you NEVER used alcohol?

The answer is affirmative.

So you are lying to us and, more sadly, yourself.

Guess who’s an alcoholic?

HINT: Go find a mirror, he’s hiding in there.