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Posted on 7/13/16 at 12:46 pm to monkeybutt
My brother called me Saturday and asked me to talk to my 5 year old nephew because he was crying. When he came to the telephone I was like, Hey Moose what's the mater? He said he was sad because his mommy's penis fell off....I was toast...
:lol:
:lol: 
Posted on 7/13/16 at 12:47 pm to LSUBFA83
My 9 yr old son told his college age camp counselor that I make him eat outside with the dog until he can prove he's a man by kissing an older woman.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 12:53 pm to CoachDon
quote:
He said he was sad because his mommy's penis fell off
My youngest just turned 3, and apparently has discovered his. Especially in the bath tub. My wife is trying to potty train him, and he's being stubborn about it. She was teaching him the word penis, pee, potty, and a few others. He catches her getting out of the shower and asks where her penis is. She said she almost died laughing.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 12:55 pm to LSUBFA83
quote:I was swimming with my little one, my lady, her brother and his wife and kids and my lady's brother splashed my lady in the face. She said "You're a douchebag!" and my little one said "Yeah, you're a douchebag!"
What y'all got?
Yesterday I was fiddling with my little one's Fire Stick to get it working so I could find Wild Kratts for her. My wifi was being retarded and I got frustrated and said "This thing is making me want to MURDER!" She said "Dad, what is murder?"
I'm the worst parent ever.
This post was edited on 7/13/16 at 12:58 pm
Posted on 7/13/16 at 12:59 pm to LSUBFA83
My 5 year old twin boys are away with the grandparents, and we Facetime every night.
The other night they were showing us their new Hot Wheel cars, and telling me, "I got the red Po Po and he got the blue Po Po"
Not sure where they learned their slang terms for cops, but apparently they did while they've been gone. Maybe Mam Mam and Pap Pap are closet OGs!
The other night they were showing us their new Hot Wheel cars, and telling me, "I got the red Po Po and he got the blue Po Po"
Not sure where they learned their slang terms for cops, but apparently they did while they've been gone. Maybe Mam Mam and Pap Pap are closet OGs!
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:01 pm to The Sad Banana
"Shoot OK... shite bad word"
This post was edited on 7/13/16 at 1:26 pm
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:02 pm to shel311
When my son was little I'd give him a little pinch as he walked by and blame it on the "house crab" - he went to my wife's hairdresser to get a haircut and as she is leading him to the chair he reached up and pinched her arse. She turns around shocked and he just shrugged and said she must have a "house crab" in her place. My wife almost died of embarrassment
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:24 pm to nvcowboyfan
my son is only 14 months old, and doesn't have a vocabulary, but I am trying to be mindful of what I say cause I know he is absorbing it like a sponge so I can only imagine what will come out his mouth when he gets older.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:27 pm to LSUFanMizeWay
quote:
commitment from "Mike Hunt", he said "really", I told him say it 3 times fast
A grown man thought Mike Hunt was a real name?
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:33 pm to Black n Gold
quote:
My 9 yr old son told his college age camp counselor that I make him eat outside with the dog until he can prove he's a man by kissing an older woman.
That boy will go places.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:33 pm to LSUBFA83
My 4th son, when little, said "TUM BIT" (his version of SOB) loud and clear when he broke a toy. That was my wife's favorite curse. 
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:38 pm to LSUBFA83
Babysitting my grand kids and they are playing in another room. Five year old comes in Pawpaw the 2 year old said a bad word. I figure something like butthead. So I ask what did he say. Answer muthafrick. Seriously he got a time out and mom and dad got a lecture.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:43 pm to LSUBFA83
3 y.o. grandson was facetiming with grandma and was jabbering some story about the dog knocking over a lamp. she couldn't understand most of the story, but "shite went everywhere" was clear as a bell
Posted on 7/13/16 at 1:49 pm to OysterPoBoy
quote:
That boy will go places.
He even had some of his friends corroborate his story. I wasn't sure if I should be disappointed or proud.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 2:00 pm to LSUBFA83
I was telling the 5 year old he couldn't go in the chick fil a play area without socks because that's how you can catch a disease. He says no, you catch disease in bed. I'm dumbstruck, what could he have possibly been learning and where?
He says, you know, like in the book where the tiger falls asleep, and he has Z's coming out of his mouth because he caught the Z's. (He was dead serious during this exchange).
OTOH, 3 yr old daughter comes out the screen door the other day and lets it slam. She says, "I close da fricking door, Mommy. It's a frickin door, an I close it." She used it in the right context and everything.
Lesson number 23,657 in correct language to use around my kids.
He says, you know, like in the book where the tiger falls asleep, and he has Z's coming out of his mouth because he caught the Z's. (He was dead serious during this exchange).
OTOH, 3 yr old daughter comes out the screen door the other day and lets it slam. She says, "I close da fricking door, Mommy. It's a frickin door, an I close it." She used it in the right context and everything.
Lesson number 23,657 in correct language to use around my kids.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 2:07 pm to LSUBFA83
I know a guy whose granddaughter told her kindergarten teacher her pawpaw was sick. When the teacher asked what was wrong with him she said, "n*****s make him sick." ...there were calls home that day.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 2:20 pm to ClientNumber9
quote:
My 8 year old went to school and was overheard saying, "Don't bring a knife to a gunfight" during recess. She didn't get in trouble but her teacher emailed me with a "just wanted you to know what your daughter is telling the other kids" notification.
Posted on 7/13/16 at 2:25 pm to LSUBFA83
Dad getting ready for work one morning listening to the morning new about the efficiency of government and dad blurts out "Efficient my arse!!!!"
Young daughter overhears and promptly goes to the kitchen to tell Mom, "Mommy, come help. Daddy has a fish in his arse."
Young daughter overhears and promptly goes to the kitchen to tell Mom, "Mommy, come help. Daddy has a fish in his arse."
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