re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

I went to high school in Florida with a cute girl that ended up going to Alabama. We hung out all day bar hopping on the Saturday of the spring football game. I knew this girl in high school but we didn’t really hang out. We end up making out at a bar towards the end of the night but I didn’t “seal the deal.”

She’s texting me the next day saying we need to hang out again and how much fun she had and all that. Well my buddy spent a little time with us that day at the bars and texted me asking if I sealed the deal. I sent him a screenshot of her saying she wanted to hangout again with a caption along the lines of “no, but your boy is definitely gonna hit that.”

Except I didn’t send it to my buddy. I sent it to her. Can’t even remember how I tried to play it off, but I don’t think I saw her at all for the next two years she was in school. I did eventually become really good friends with her and years later I did “seal the deal,” but we never spoke of the text that went to the wrong recipient

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I sent him a screenshot of her saying she wanted to hangout again with a caption along the lines of “no, but your boy is definitely gonna hit that.”

Except I didn’t send it to my buddy. I sent it to her.

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been there bruh.

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I have no reason to lie to anyone every bit of the story is true. Funny thing is I was just home in Vernon Parish visiting my Mother & sure enough this story comes up while we were reminiscing. The trip home was awesome but laughing with my Mother about this story is something I will cherish for the rest of my life.

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Damn. How many of you baws are gonna be checking your shite every hour in your sleeping bag when your at the camp from now on?

My most embarrassing moment was when I lost my son in Walmart. He was five and we went to the toy aisle to find a birthday gift for my cousin's son because they were in town. My son was happy because he loved to go to the toy aisle. I was like no we are finding your little cousin a birthday gift and we need to hurry. We start looking aisle by aisle and telling him to stay with me. He starts being whiny begging me to let him look at the ninja turtles toys so I said ok stay right here and don't move you got it and he said ok dad. I only had two more aisle to look at so I found the gift and found it under two minutes. I walk back to the ninja turtle section and he is not there. I was like ok he must be in one of these other toy aisles and he is not at any of them. Now I'm like oh shite and I start panicking, I looked all over that side of Walmart and he is nowhere to be found. I start power walking to the front and I hear my name in the intercom and says we have your son he is looking for you please come to customer service. I'm relieved they found him and pissed because he didn't listen to me. I finally get to customer service and there is a big arse line of people to return stuff. I see my son crying and he just starts yelling at me why I left him all alone somebody could have kidnapped me and just loud yelling. I am red as hell as everybody is looking at me giving me that oh my God how could you and you are a bad father look. I walked out of Walmart with my son with a walk of shame back to my car thinking this is what I get for trying to be nice to him. We got in the car and I said don't tell your mom about this.

Someone IRL'ed me and realized I post on TD.

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Someone IRL'ed mean and realized I post on TD.

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Dont be embarrassed by that. It is probably the most respectable thing you've ever done.

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My sister's head shoots over to us from the crowd of graduates and we all just explode with laughter. The assembly hall is really quiet and everyone is looking at us like wtf. Yall know how things are 100x funnier when you have to laugh quietly (think the ahoy matey story, omg i can only imagine lmao), and this was no exception. We couldn't stop laughing for the remainder of the ceremony. My sister is walking the stage and posing for the camera and she just can't stop laughing. Some of the most cathartic laughs of my entire life

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Along the same lines as this, in my first job we had a douche bag director complete with a porn stache who was just completely unlikable in every way. We joked among ourselves that he used to do porn and if all else failed he would pull out his "bread and butter" (i.e. his penis) to distract people. So fast forward to a Friday meeting where he is speaking to us and he actually fricking used the phrase "Bread and butter". So of course, all of my group that has heard this joke non-stop look at each other with panic, followed by choking, laughter and two of us having to leave the meeting. Luckily some of us were able to contain ourselves but the look on the director's face was priceless too, considering he had no idea why we were reacting that way to him talking. Good times.

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I'm 16 years old and am going to pick up my new girlfriend to come back to our house to watch a movie (back in the VHS days). She had never met my parents. My dad was wearing a t-shirt and had been working in his garden (covered in dirt). I ask him, in a pretty shitty way, if he can clean up before I get back with my date. We get back to the house and my dad is sitting in a 3-piece pin striped suit and refers to me as Sir for the rest of the night. When I was taking this girl back home she asks "does your dad always dress like that" to which I reply "only when he's being a smartass".

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this is the winner

Sci-fi diner in Disney mgm,by the time we got to eat i was starving.ate chips and dip,my food plus half of my wife's food then topped it off with a shake for good measure...i got sick and turned white as a ghost.i tried to press on but it got me by the new york city set and i laid out on the curb like a sick bum.before i know it the staff is helping me into a wheelchair and wheels me thru the middle of a parade and to the front gates...i felt so bad i refused any medical attention and went back to the room while everyone else stayed.

Sorry this is long.

I started dating a girl in college and it was starting to get pretty serious. Her older sister had just married a baller a few months prior and she invited us to their lake house one weekend during the summer to relax and have fun on the water.

First night there and we all the one on pretty good. I fell asleep on the couch. Just absolutely smashed. I have no memory of what happens next.

Apparently I wake from my drunken slumber and walk to the kitchen and open the fridge. New hubby and gf sister's bedroom is attached to the kitchen and I made a ruckus in the refrigerator. Enough to wake them up but they can't see me behind the fridge door. Sister walks in to see me sitting on the bottom shelf with my pants around my ankles, mid stream taking a 2 minute long beer piss in the crisper drawer. She freaks and wakes me and her husband up.

Not only did I fill the drawer with piss, I had also taken a shite (I obviously thought I was on the toilet). Her husband comes in and is very angry to say the least. They told me I never said a word, just had a look of horror on my face, turned on a dime, and tried to get UNDER the couch cushions and completely covered underneath a blanket. They said I kept saying "you can't see me" as if I was a 3 yr old while cleaned up their fridge.

I apologized profusely after being told of my antics the next morning. I went to get breakfast and just drove on home. My gf tried to tell me everything was fine and it happens when some people drink that much. We ended up breaking up a few days later.