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re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been
Posted on 3/27/18 at 2:47 pm to ThatMakesSense
Posted on 3/27/18 at 2:47 pm to ThatMakesSense
quote:
Everytime someone asked me something, I'd form some response with fell-a-tio in it. 'Not as good as fell-a-tio', 'fell-a-tio is better'
1
Posted on 3/27/18 at 2:58 pm to madmaxvol
I am going to remember this for when my kid is old enough to date..
Posted on 3/27/18 at 3:02 pm to Carson123987
My mother-in-law is really bad about sticking her foot in her mouth. She unintentionally says really inappropriate things.
At Christmas a few years ago with my wife's side of the family and they had some distant relatives show up. It was known that one of the couples had suffered a miscarriage in the past but they were finally pregnant with triplets...or so we thought.
My MIL was asking the girl how her pregnancy was going, while her husband was at her side. I was the only other person in the living room. That's when the girl said that they had lost one of the babies, meaning they were left with only two. The girl was tearing up while talking about it and her husband was there holding her hand.
My mother-in-law then awkwardly blurts out "well you've lost two and you still have two...so you're EVEN-STEVEN!!".
My jaw dropped to the fricking floor and I got the frick out of there as quickly as I could. It was soooooooo awkward
At Christmas a few years ago with my wife's side of the family and they had some distant relatives show up. It was known that one of the couples had suffered a miscarriage in the past but they were finally pregnant with triplets...or so we thought.
My MIL was asking the girl how her pregnancy was going, while her husband was at her side. I was the only other person in the living room. That's when the girl said that they had lost one of the babies, meaning they were left with only two. The girl was tearing up while talking about it and her husband was there holding her hand.
My mother-in-law then awkwardly blurts out "well you've lost two and you still have two...so you're EVEN-STEVEN!!".
My jaw dropped to the fricking floor and I got the frick out of there as quickly as I could. It was soooooooo awkward
Posted on 3/27/18 at 3:14 pm to TexasTiger1984
quote:
While in high school, my wife was caught giving her boyfriend a bj.
quote:
Well recently my buddy hired a new brew master and head of marketing (husband/wife combo). Of course it's my wife's high school boyfriend and his wife (whom which he dumped my wife for in high school).
So that's why....
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:44 pm to tzimme4
quote:
This young black boy heard me, looked over my row of seats and yelled out so the entire theater could hear "This n***a eating beans!" and everyone laughed.
Not even mad this was fake. Laughed for at least 5 minutes total over probably 15 separate bursts of laughter.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:52 pm to IAmNERD
quote:
Not only did I fill the drawer with piss, I had also taken a shite (I obviously thought I was on the toilet). Her husband comes in and is very angry to say the least. They told me I never said a word, just had a look of horror on my face, turned on a dime, and tried to get UNDER the couch cushions and completely covered underneath a blanket.
My life sucks if somehow I can relate to this.
I went visit a friend in Covington back in college. Stayed with his parents. We went out to a place called the Brown Door and then some other bar. I was underaged, like 19 or 20. While at the other bar downtown, we got completely smashed. I got in a fight, got chased out the back of the bar by cops. Hid in an alley. Just complete mess.
So homeboy calls his mother to pick us up a truck like 2AM. We been thrown out the bar, I’ve evaded some cops. But he calls His mom.
I’m like fueled with rage and shite house drunk. I’m telling his mother all emotional “I was just looking out for your baby! Nobody gonna hurt your baby!” Her baby is her son. Her 21 yr old son. I’ve apparently taken upon myself to defend their families honor.
I end up crashing on the futon. At some point during my blackout I got up and went to the bathroom. Except I went in the sisters room (23 yr old) which I thought was the bathroom. I turn on the light. I completely drop my pants down to my ankles, like Feels Good Man style. Home girl at this point thinks she is about to get the tickle pickle and freaks out. Somehow I realized it wasnt the bathroom, went back to my futon. Fell asleep and pissed myself in the night.
I got up the next morning feeling terrible. Pants soaked. Futon soaked. Went down to tell them and I was interrupted. The Dad saw me, explained the deal to me, gave me travel bag of donuts and told me to get the frick out the house and don’t come back in so many words.
I said ok. Never mentioned the futon.
This post was edited on 3/27/18 at 8:55 pm
Posted on 3/27/18 at 10:32 pm to ThatMakesSense
quote:
Learning new words was my thing. Except I wasn't well versed on pronunciation.
This made me think of mine.
I had a friend growing up who's house I'd always sleep over. His mom wasn't a hard arse, but she was a very straight laced and proper woman. We were at the table eating either one of those giant Bigfoot or Dominator pizzas and the conversation went to what we wanted to be when we grew up. Well, I remembered hearing a word that I thought sounded studious and important, but I didn't even know what it meant. That didn't matter and I blurted out to this woman that I wanted to be a prostitute when I grew up.
I don't even remember when I finally learned the meaning of the word, but I still cringe thinking about saying that.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 11:53 pm to nickrolled
This thread is solid gold.
Once I was stuck in traffic on my way to the post office. I had been sick the night before, and the worst stomach pain I’ve ever experienced hit me like a Mack truck. In the comfort of my own vehicle, a relieved the pressure by letting out a massive fart. I finally make it to the post office, and there’s a long line of people waiting. This was during lunch time, so once I got to the front, there were about 6-7 people behind me.
After leaving the post office, I brought my truck to the body shop to fix some damage from a minor accident. I must have walked in and out of the body shop 4-5 times with the geico adjuster following behind me.
Once I got home, I decided to change into some gym clothes. I took of my jeans and laid them on the bed. To my horror, there was a huge brown stain on the arse of the jeans where my earlier fart had betrayed me. All I could do was laugh it off and wash my jeans several times to remove any evidence.
Once I was stuck in traffic on my way to the post office. I had been sick the night before, and the worst stomach pain I’ve ever experienced hit me like a Mack truck. In the comfort of my own vehicle, a relieved the pressure by letting out a massive fart. I finally make it to the post office, and there’s a long line of people waiting. This was during lunch time, so once I got to the front, there were about 6-7 people behind me.
After leaving the post office, I brought my truck to the body shop to fix some damage from a minor accident. I must have walked in and out of the body shop 4-5 times with the geico adjuster following behind me.
Once I got home, I decided to change into some gym clothes. I took of my jeans and laid them on the bed. To my horror, there was a huge brown stain on the arse of the jeans where my earlier fart had betrayed me. All I could do was laugh it off and wash my jeans several times to remove any evidence.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 12:36 am to nickrolled
Wall of Text: real...unfunny shame
Sophmore year of college, this girl I liked was being a total cock tease. And I was being a huge pussy. She'd show up to my house drunk, climb in my bed, and say really wierd shite to me. shite that 32 year old me would find sexy, but 19 year old me didn't realize was her way of saying raw dog it until she needed new hips.
This goes on for weeks. I want it, but I just have no game when I'm around her. I can't make the first move.
She starts doing this to a friend of mine, he finds himself equally inept. I get home one night, shite hammered. They are sitting in front of the house, waiting for me to get home so she can stay at my place and he can leave.
I drag him off the hood of the car and throw him to the ground, and somehow his phone and his wallet comes out of his pockets. I grab his wallet and fling the fricker over the neighbor's house. I wind up with his phone, and turn at the last second and throw it into a tree from three feet away. It explodes into a million Nokia pieces.
I turn back, he's like wtf. The girl looks in shock.
I shout, you can both frick off.
Hop in my car and drive all the way to cowboys 2 hours away. Pound shots for 10 minutes, then make another buddy come get me.
I get home the next day and find out they slept a few doors down at a friend's house and had sex loud enough that the guy's girlfriend threw them out.
I waited months to apologize to my buddy.
Turns out he had never even kissed her until that night. At this point, she's basically paying me rent in sex.
He, oblivious, is going on and on about how he loves this girl. I kept doing it anyways.
A few months later, I realized what it all meant.
I was a pussy who couldn't make a move. She was a slut. He was just a guy making sure a girl didnt have to wait outside at night by herself and didn't drive drunk. I was an a-hole. She was just a slut who wanted to move out of her parents' house but had only one tradeable commodity. Where as he was a man and approached me to tell me how he felt about her, I was a piece of shite. Whereas he didn't touch her while I was interested, I was helping her ruin him.
It was a very sobering moment.
I've done a lot of shite I find reprehensible, but that's one of the only things I'm truly ashamed of.
Sophmore year of college, this girl I liked was being a total cock tease. And I was being a huge pussy. She'd show up to my house drunk, climb in my bed, and say really wierd shite to me. shite that 32 year old me would find sexy, but 19 year old me didn't realize was her way of saying raw dog it until she needed new hips.
This goes on for weeks. I want it, but I just have no game when I'm around her. I can't make the first move.
She starts doing this to a friend of mine, he finds himself equally inept. I get home one night, shite hammered. They are sitting in front of the house, waiting for me to get home so she can stay at my place and he can leave.
I drag him off the hood of the car and throw him to the ground, and somehow his phone and his wallet comes out of his pockets. I grab his wallet and fling the fricker over the neighbor's house. I wind up with his phone, and turn at the last second and throw it into a tree from three feet away. It explodes into a million Nokia pieces.
I turn back, he's like wtf. The girl looks in shock.
I shout, you can both frick off.
Hop in my car and drive all the way to cowboys 2 hours away. Pound shots for 10 minutes, then make another buddy come get me.
I get home the next day and find out they slept a few doors down at a friend's house and had sex loud enough that the guy's girlfriend threw them out.
I waited months to apologize to my buddy.
Turns out he had never even kissed her until that night. At this point, she's basically paying me rent in sex.
He, oblivious, is going on and on about how he loves this girl. I kept doing it anyways.
A few months later, I realized what it all meant.
I was a pussy who couldn't make a move. She was a slut. He was just a guy making sure a girl didnt have to wait outside at night by herself and didn't drive drunk. I was an a-hole. She was just a slut who wanted to move out of her parents' house but had only one tradeable commodity. Where as he was a man and approached me to tell me how he felt about her, I was a piece of shite. Whereas he didn't touch her while I was interested, I was helping her ruin him.
It was a very sobering moment.
I've done a lot of shite I find reprehensible, but that's one of the only things I'm truly ashamed of.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 1:49 am to X123F45
Senior year of college. In California. Weather is beautiful. I am spending a Saturday on the front porch drinking all day. Alpha phi house is across the street. At about 5 three of the girls invite me to go to sushi and sake. I've never been a ladies man, so I am pumped at the invite. It's about a 30 minute train ride. We drink on the train. By the time we get to the restaraunt I am hammered. We do our first sake bomb and order food. Me and three ladies. I feel it coming and try to get up but don't make it. I projectile vomet on myself all three of them as I am getting up. I run to the bathroom. Puke is all over my shirt. I take it off. Walk through the restaraunt shirtless. Hand each of the girls 20 bucks and say it's for "cleaning". Walk out of the restaraunt and take a 100 dollar cab home.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:24 am to X123F45
Second story is from law school. Buddy and I get invited to a wedding in New Orleans. Very well off family. We decide we will walk from our hotel to the church and stop at every bar on the way. We get to the church and sit in the middle. Wedding starts. One of the brides maids obviously has Downs syndrome. As she walks by my buddy, thinking he is being quiet loudly "whispers" "dibs". The entire church turns and looks at us in disgust. I was mortified.
This post was edited on 3/28/18 at 2:25 am
Posted on 3/28/18 at 4:56 am to madmaxvol
quote:
I'm 16 years old and am going to pick up my new girlfriend to come back to our house to watch a movie (back in the VHS days). She had never met my parents. My dad was wearing a t-shirt and had been working in his garden (covered in dirt). I ask him, in a pretty shitty way, if he can clean up before I get back with my date. We get back to the house and my dad is sitting in a 3-piece pin striped suit and refers to me as Sir for the rest of the night. When I was taking this girl back home she asks "does your dad always dress like that" to which I reply "only when he's being a smartass".
This my favorite. Not the most embarrassing, but hilarious. Your dad needs some kind of award.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 6:51 am to nickrolled
was 12 or 13. We were on a canoe trip on the Ouiskichitto River. 4 or 5 friends with us. I was super awkward around girls. There were these two girls canoeing with another group and we were trying to figure out ways to talk to them. They paddled by and I figured I would take the initiative. When she passed by I yelled "wazzzzzzuuuuppp" like from the budweiser commercial. I got ribbed on the rest of the day and ended up getting in a fight with my brother over it on a sand bar. I guess it was one of those first time trying and failing things that got me so embarrassed.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 6:55 am to nickrolled
Oh shite I forgot about this. We had a friends house in high school who had an upstairs game room. We would hang out up there because they had a computer, pool table, tv, xbox, and it was away from the parents. We would rotate people at the computer to watch porn and jerk it. One person would stay in the room and the rest would leave. Well, it wasn't until college and the friends dad was staying at our rent house (the 4 of us lived together) and he got drunk and told us that he put a camera up (his wife wanted to make sure we weren't doing drugs or some shite) and the first time he checked it it was us taking turns jerking off. He took the camera down and never said anything to anybody for years.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:32 am to celltech1981
bahahaha
Posted on 3/28/18 at 10:47 am to Howyouluhdat
Yea you sucked a guys dick and were caught doing it that’s what happened.
Posted on 6/26/20 at 7:41 am to whit
quote:
whit
Every now and then, I’ll have a twinge of anxiety/nervousness just before public speaking events.
Yesterday it struck again right before a presentation I was giving.
Then for some reason I thought of you and your story in this thread. And I laughed and thought to myself, “Well, as long as I don’t start crying or shite my pants, it should be fine.”
With that, my worries just melted away.
So, thank you
Posted on 6/26/20 at 7:42 am to CrimsonTideMD
I was going to say what a weird bump but I’m not gonna lie, I’ve thought about that story from time to time as welll.
Solid bump.
Solid bump.
Posted on 6/26/20 at 7:50 am to jscrims
I literally just thought about it yesterday and laughed.
Posted on 6/26/20 at 7:50 am to jscrims
When having a heart cath, the doctor and nurses were all good looking babes. As one of them were doing a little hair cut in my grown area, I started getting a bonner. The young lady flat out said, well things are picking up.
The young lady flat out said, well things are picking up. 
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