The 5 Stages of Fat - Which one are you?

Stage 0 - Shredded

You have visible 6 pack abs and 24/7 vascularity. You have a chiseled jaw line and sunken cheeks.



Stage 1 - Not Fat

You can see your abs in the right lighting or angle. Your jawline is defined, but not chiseled. Cheeks are not sunken. Vascularity is hit or miss, depending on several factors. Not shredded, but still somewhat lean.



Stage 1.5 - Skinny Fat


In clothes you don't look fat, but when the clothes come off, you have no visible abs, lacking muscle definition, soft jawline but no double chin. Soft, pudgy look all around. No vascularity unless the perfect conditions are met.



Stage 2 - Pudge


Very soft look. Early stages of double chin beginning to form. Little angularity in the face. Skin folds in the midsection, and early stages of a belly overhang starting to come about. Love handles becoming prominent. A lot of those hipster bearded thick rimmed glasses wearing craft beer enthusiast types fall in this category.



Stage 2.5 - Eternal Bulk Syndrome

You are "always" bulking. You hit the gym and lift, but pay zero attention to the food you put in your stomach, so any gains in muscle come with even more gains in fat. You wear cutoff shirts to display your arms, thinking they are big, but fail to recognize most of your arm size is due to the tricep blubber. You have a double chin, belly overhang, love handles, and all the other traditional markers of a fat arse, but you think its all good because you are big, bro. Muscle definition hidden behind layers of fat.



Stage 3 - Fat arse

You have a pot belly and a defined belly overhang that pushes the elastic waistband of your underwear and pants downward. You have a well defined double chin with neck fat that begins to shake when you talk. Fat encompasses your entire body and love handles are spilling over your waistline along with the belly overhang. Man boobs are beginning to form and it might be time to start trying on bras for support.



Stage 4 - Obese

You wobble around and breathe heavily constantly. You might need scooters at Wal Mart. You have a triple chin and fat that wobbles to and fro like an elephants ears upon any movement. Your belly sags over your waistline like a pair of old female breasts. Love handles are an outright muffin top. Your man boobs require a well constructed bra. You might need 2 plane tickets to get on a plane.



Stage 5 - Morbid

Scouts for My 600 Pound Life are looking at you. Traveling Circuses want to recruit you for their sideshow acts. You have to take a bath in a horse trough because you can't fit in a bathtub. Baths are pointless anyway since you can't reach around your body to scrub so someone has to help you. Not just with that, but you can't reach to your arse so someone has to wipe it for you.