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re: Taking this to the OT for advice.

Posted on 10/9/24 at 11:44 am to
Posted by thumperpait
Member since Nov 2005
3883 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 11:44 am to
The stricter you are, the more she will resist you. There is a reason why preachers daughters are usually the wildest.
Posted by TCO
Member since Jul 2022
3261 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 11:44 am to
quote:

I disagree on this, really good kids have the capacity to make really poor decisions.


So? Mistakes are the best learning tools.

Holding your adult kid’s hand through every decision does nothing for them.
Posted by Boss13
Mobile
Member since Oct 2016
2075 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

So? Mistakes are the best learning tools.

Holding your adult kid’s hand through every decision does nothing for them.


There is a ton of nuance to that statement. If your kid wants to jump out of a plane without a parachute, do you let the make that mistake? No because its a mistake they wont recover from.

Having a kid unmarried at a young age is almost a guarantee that you will toe the poverty line the rest of your life. You can let kids make mistakes while simultaneously help them not ruin their lives by helping them get to adulthood where they understand the consequences before making dumb decisions.
This post was edited on 10/9/24 at 12:18 pm
Posted by piratedude
baton rouge
Member since Oct 2009
2805 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:18 pm to
what were you trying to achieve?

arbitrary demands, like "you can't stay at his folks house, but what you do at your apartment or his is ok" will accomplish nothing except to drive her away.

i think you made a stand and won, but now realize it was probably a mistake. Apologize for being an overreacting dad and let her go.
Posted by Godfather1
What WAS St George, Louisiana
Member since Oct 2006
88944 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:20 pm to
quote:

I get that they do this when they are away in college. Not here though.


If you already know they’re doing it, then what difference does it make?
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92039 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:22 pm to
quote:



If you already know they’re doing it, then what difference does it make?


establishing boundaries? guidelines?
Posted by Tvilletiger
PVB
Member since Oct 2015
5990 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:22 pm to
This exactly.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
150187 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:22 pm to
The OT collectively says "Thank God for daughters from broken homes"
Posted by Godfather1
What WAS St George, Louisiana
Member since Oct 2006
88944 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:23 pm to
quote:

establishing boundaries? guidelines?


But if they’re doing it anyway, then it’s just an arbitrary boundary. An imaginary line in his own head to make himself feel better.
Posted by Tvilletiger
PVB
Member since Oct 2015
5990 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:24 pm to
Oh she is 100 percent dependent. She literally just got to college. She has not worked yet before and that’s my fault.
Posted by Tvilletiger
PVB
Member since Oct 2015
5990 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:25 pm to
I see this so treading lightly
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92039 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:27 pm to
quote:



But if they’re doing it anyway, then it’s just an arbitrary boundary. An imaginary line in his own head to make himself feel better


perhaps, but I’ve got rules in my house that the kids will abide by while they’ve in my house, maybe old fashioned but it worked for my parents and me
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
60513 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:28 pm to
quote:

perhaps, but I’ve got rules in my house that the kids will abide by while they’ve in my house, maybe old fashioned but it worked for my parents and me
she wasn’t at his house though
Posted by Epic Cajun
Lafayette, LA
Member since Feb 2013
37020 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:29 pm to
quote:

Having a kid unmarried at a young age is almost a guarantee that you will toe the poverty line the rest of your life. You can let kids make mistakes while simultaneously help them not ruin their lives by helping them get to adulthood where they understand the consequences before making dumb decisions.

This would be relevant if the OP was given a choice as to whether or not his daughter is having sex. But that isn’t the option that the OP is getting, he even admitted that she stayed at her boyfriend’s apartment for 7 days just last week. Allowing her to stay at her boyfriend’s parent’s house isn’t going to be the deciding factor as to whether or not she has sex with said boyfriend and gets pregnant out of wedlock.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92039 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:31 pm to
quote:

she wasn’t at his house though


haven’t read completely through this but if my daughter asked me if she could go shack up with her boyfriend my answer would be no, even if they’re at his parents and I haven’t met them the answer would be no
Posted by Godfather1
What WAS St George, Louisiana
Member since Oct 2006
88944 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:31 pm to
quote:

perhaps, but I’ve got rules in my house that the kids will abide by while they’ve in my house, maybe old fashioned but it worked for my parents and me


In HIS house is one thing. I’m all about establishing rules for that. It’s his castle.

But he doesn’t get to dictate what goes on in the BF’s parents house. And if he knows they’re already hooking up at school, then it’s a mere matter of geography.
This post was edited on 10/9/24 at 12:33 pm
Posted by Boss13
Mobile
Member since Oct 2016
2075 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:31 pm to
quote:

This would be relevant if the OP was given a choice as to whether or not his daughter is having sex. But that isn’t the option that the OP is getting, he even admitted that she stayed at her boyfriend’s apartment for 7 days just last week. Allowing her to stay at her boyfriend’s parent’s house isn’t going to be the deciding factor as to whether or not she has sex with said boyfriend and gets pregnant out of wedlock.


I missed that, then he has no right to get pissed now except for his own vanity. He made his bed.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92039 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:33 pm to
quote:

But he doesn’t get to dictate what goes on in the BF’s parents house.


if she’s eighteen and dependent on me, I am the dictator
Posted by Godfather1
What WAS St George, Louisiana
Member since Oct 2006
88944 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:35 pm to
quote:

if she’s eighteen and dependent on me, I am the dictator


Who says you have to know anything about it?
Posted by Proximo
Member since Aug 2011
24028 posts
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:36 pm to
quote:

if she’s eighteen and dependent on me, I am the dictator

Are you though? She’s calling someone else daddy
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