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Started By
Message
re: Taking this to the OT for advice.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 11:44 am to Tvilletiger
Posted on 10/9/24 at 11:44 am to Tvilletiger
The stricter you are, the more she will resist you. There is a reason why preachers daughters are usually the wildest.
1
Posted on 10/9/24 at 11:44 am to Boss13
quote:
I disagree on this, really good kids have the capacity to make really poor decisions.
So? Mistakes are the best learning tools.
Holding your adult kid’s hand through every decision does nothing for them.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:16 pm to TCO
quote:
So? Mistakes are the best learning tools.
Holding your adult kid’s hand through every decision does nothing for them.
There is a ton of nuance to that statement. If your kid wants to jump out of a plane without a parachute, do you let the make that mistake? No because its a mistake they wont recover from.
Having a kid unmarried at a young age is almost a guarantee that you will toe the poverty line the rest of your life. You can let kids make mistakes while simultaneously help them not ruin their lives by helping them get to adulthood where they understand the consequences before making dumb decisions.
This post was edited on 10/9/24 at 12:18 pm
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:18 pm to Tvilletiger
what were you trying to achieve?
arbitrary demands, like "you can't stay at his folks house, but what you do at your apartment or his is ok" will accomplish nothing except to drive her away.
i think you made a stand and won, but now realize it was probably a mistake. Apologize for being an overreacting dad and let her go.
arbitrary demands, like "you can't stay at his folks house, but what you do at your apartment or his is ok" will accomplish nothing except to drive her away.
i think you made a stand and won, but now realize it was probably a mistake. Apologize for being an overreacting dad and let her go.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:20 pm to Tvilletiger
quote:
I get that they do this when they are away in college. Not here though.
If you already know they’re doing it, then what difference does it make?
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:22 pm to Godfather1
quote:
If you already know they’re doing it, then what difference does it make?
establishing boundaries? guidelines?
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:22 pm to CoachChappy
This exactly.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:22 pm to thumperpait
The OT collectively says "Thank God for daughters from broken homes" 
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:23 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
establishing boundaries? guidelines?
But if they’re doing it anyway, then it’s just an arbitrary boundary. An imaginary line in his own head to make himself feel better.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:24 pm to tunechi
Oh she is 100 percent dependent. She literally just got to college. She has not worked yet before and that’s my fault.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:25 pm to piratedude
I see this so treading lightly
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:27 pm to Godfather1
quote:
But if they’re doing it anyway, then it’s just an arbitrary boundary. An imaginary line in his own head to make himself feel better
perhaps, but I’ve got rules in my house that the kids will abide by while they’ve in my house, maybe old fashioned but it worked for my parents and me
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:28 pm to 777Tiger
quote:she wasn’t at his house though
perhaps, but I’ve got rules in my house that the kids will abide by while they’ve in my house, maybe old fashioned but it worked for my parents and me
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:29 pm to Boss13
quote:
Having a kid unmarried at a young age is almost a guarantee that you will toe the poverty line the rest of your life. You can let kids make mistakes while simultaneously help them not ruin their lives by helping them get to adulthood where they understand the consequences before making dumb decisions.
This would be relevant if the OP was given a choice as to whether or not his daughter is having sex. But that isn’t the option that the OP is getting, he even admitted that she stayed at her boyfriend’s apartment for 7 days just last week. Allowing her to stay at her boyfriend’s parent’s house isn’t going to be the deciding factor as to whether or not she has sex with said boyfriend and gets pregnant out of wedlock.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:31 pm to GreatLakesTiger24
quote:
she wasn’t at his house though
haven’t read completely through this but if my daughter asked me if she could go shack up with her boyfriend my answer would be no, even if they’re at his parents and I haven’t met them the answer would be no
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:31 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
perhaps, but I’ve got rules in my house that the kids will abide by while they’ve in my house, maybe old fashioned but it worked for my parents and me
In HIS house is one thing. I’m all about establishing rules for that. It’s his castle.
But he doesn’t get to dictate what goes on in the BF’s parents house. And if he knows they’re already hooking up at school, then it’s a mere matter of geography.
This post was edited on 10/9/24 at 12:33 pm
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:31 pm to Epic Cajun
quote:
This would be relevant if the OP was given a choice as to whether or not his daughter is having sex. But that isn’t the option that the OP is getting, he even admitted that she stayed at her boyfriend’s apartment for 7 days just last week. Allowing her to stay at her boyfriend’s parent’s house isn’t going to be the deciding factor as to whether or not she has sex with said boyfriend and gets pregnant out of wedlock.
I missed that, then he has no right to get pissed now except for his own vanity. He made his bed.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:33 pm to Godfather1
quote:
But he doesn’t get to dictate what goes on in the BF’s parents house.
if she’s eighteen and dependent on me, I am the dictator
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:35 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
if she’s eighteen and dependent on me, I am the dictator
Who says you have to know anything about it?
Posted on 10/9/24 at 12:36 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
if she’s eighteen and dependent on me, I am the dictator
Are you though? She’s calling someone else daddy
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