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Started By
Message
Taking the car keys away from your parents
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:41 pm
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:41 pm
My mother in law is in the early phases of dementia and doesn't need to be driving anymore. Her driving is starting to get very bad, but she refuses to admit it. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation. Tips from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. Mean and sarcastic tips are also welcome.
edit: Her doctor agreed to be the bad guy. She's listens to authority figures better than us. She's going in for an appointment where he's going to tell her dementia could limit here capacity behind the wheel. He's going to send a letter to Driver Services in Georgia that her driving ability presents a permanent problem. That will require her to retake the road test. When she fails that, they'll revoke her license. On the off chance she passes, I'll remove the battery from her car.
edit: Her doctor agreed to be the bad guy. She's listens to authority figures better than us. She's going in for an appointment where he's going to tell her dementia could limit here capacity behind the wheel. He's going to send a letter to Driver Services in Georgia that her driving ability presents a permanent problem. That will require her to retake the road test. When she fails that, they'll revoke her license. On the off chance she passes, I'll remove the battery from her car.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 4:03 pm
92
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:42 pm to Rex Feral
It took a directive from a medical professional for mine to listen. Good luck. It’s an extremely tough phase of a person’s life to accept.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:43 pm to Rex Feral
I was very fortunate. My father told me he needed to stop driving.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:43 pm to Rex Feral
Well, it's going to have to happen. She'll get in an wreck and possibly kill someone.
It's a whole thing, but it has to happen.
It's a whole thing, but it has to happen.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:45 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
Tips from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated.
quote:
Tips from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated.
Do what my wife's family did with their 94 year old Great Grandma. They made the favorite grandkid tell her
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:46 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
Mean and sarcastic tips are also welcome
Who the hell cares how she feels about it, she'll forget all about it in a matter of minutes.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:46 pm to Underteaux
quote:
It took a directive from a medical professional for mine to listen
That's the direction we're going in. Her doctor doesn't mind being the bad guy so she doesn't get that angry with us.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:47 pm to Rex Feral
My father was getting hunched over when he was finished. My mother told me one day he had just quit and she was driving and he never said anything about it.
So I said “ I heard you quit driving? I saw you a few weeks ago at the red light.”
He said “ Yeah and that’s when I realized I wasn’t looking at the red light I was looking at my fricking shoe.”
So no problems there.
My wife’s grandmother I took the battery terminal off, then the battery out then let air out of the tires then removed a tire and every time I went back whatever it was it was fixed.
Crowe Peel took care of that old lady.
So I sold the car.
So I said “ I heard you quit driving? I saw you a few weeks ago at the red light.”
He said “ Yeah and that’s when I realized I wasn’t looking at the red light I was looking at my fricking shoe.”
So no problems there.
My wife’s grandmother I took the battery terminal off, then the battery out then let air out of the tires then removed a tire and every time I went back whatever it was it was fixed.
Crowe Peel took care of that old lady.
So I sold the car.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:47 pm to Packer
we had to steal and hide my grandmothers car. She was livid (not out of character for her) and blamed it on me, which my dad was happy to let her think
it blew over after a couple of weeks, wasn’t long after that she didn’t know who I was anyway
it blew over after a couple of weeks, wasn’t long after that she didn’t know who I was anyway
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:48 pm to Rex Feral
Tell her that you will be playing a game that whoever drives first loses the game.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:48 pm to Rex Feral
We didn't catch it until pops was pretty far gone, cognitively. He did sneak off and try to buy another car, though.
Do it soon. Nothing is more expensive than regret.
Do it soon. Nothing is more expensive than regret.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:50 pm to Rex Feral
My mom had Parkinsons. She had started to dislike/get nervous driving, but was still doing semi ok on surface streets and direct routes to places she knew as long as she could stay off the Interstate.
She had a couple of spells where she blacked out, and she came to the shared conclusion that it was time to give it up. She sold her car to her nephew, so that made it a little easier.
She had a couple of spells where she blacked out, and she came to the shared conclusion that it was time to give it up. She sold her car to her nephew, so that made it a little easier.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:50 pm to swamptiger99
I lived a good distance from my in-laws. My phone rings at the office one day 2 hours away and it's a Caddo Parish deputy. They stopped my mother in law in Oil City, LA and she was afraid to talk to them. He finally wrestled away her pocketbook and found my business card.
Finally found my father-in-law at the Elks Club and he had to drive to Oil City. She had no idea who she was or where she was. Father-in-law sold her car and hid the keys to his. Ended her driving.
She ended up laying in a nursing home for 12 years almost vegetable like. Cruel fricking disease.
Finally found my father-in-law at the Elks Club and he had to drive to Oil City. She had no idea who she was or where she was. Father-in-law sold her car and hid the keys to his. Ended her driving.
She ended up laying in a nursing home for 12 years almost vegetable like. Cruel fricking disease.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:50 pm to Rex Feral
My mom went downhill very quickly, so by the time we had decided that we should take away her car (little scratches and dings began popping up from very short trips, as well as the big alarm from her getting lost in Houston for 7 hours) she was already starting to get scared of driving.
Alzheimer’s is terrible, but if I’m grateful for anything, it’s that she didn’t resist all the changes we had to make on her behalf - if anything, she seems to be blissfully unaware and thinks she is on a permanent vacation. Can’t imagine how much more difficult this would be if she was bitter and reactive.
Alzheimer’s is terrible, but if I’m grateful for anything, it’s that she didn’t resist all the changes we had to make on her behalf - if anything, she seems to be blissfully unaware and thinks she is on a permanent vacation. Can’t imagine how much more difficult this would be if she was bitter and reactive.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:51 pm to Rex Feral
I've never seen this go easily (and am surprised to read some of the instances where it did). My dad's still driving and can get where he wants, but apparently his fear filter doesn't work as he takes all kinds of detours through high-crime areas that weren't high crime when he was younger. That, or he's trying to buy drugs and male hookers. Don't know yet.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:52 pm to Rex Feral
Just go and take the car keys. She’ll just think she’s lost them. Tell her you don’t know what happened to them.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:52 pm to HempHead
Never easy, Teslas self driving is perfect for older people but they fight the technology as much as anyone.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 2:55 pm to Rex Feral
I was lucky in that my dad's (88) license expired. I told him he couldn't drive without it and when he said he can get a new one I informed him he'd be required to take the test again.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 3:01 pm to LSU1018
I'm all ears. My mother is 84. relatively good health for her age but short term memory is failing. my sister in law was in town last March and while here, asked me if I'd ridden w/my mother lately. umm. no. I asked "too fast"? " too slow?"
she said much too slow. and she finds excuses to drive 30 min away via extremely dangerous interstate just to buy one or two things at Lowes or Sam's. I know she just wants to get out of the house but I drive that route daily and it's not for the faint of heart.
she said much too slow. and she finds excuses to drive 30 min away via extremely dangerous interstate just to buy one or two things at Lowes or Sam's. I know she just wants to get out of the house but I drive that route daily and it's not for the faint of heart.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 3:01 pm to Rex Feral
Went through this with my father a few years ago. He had dementia as well. He fought it giving up the car. Tried to buy another car from a dealership so he could make his escape. It was tough when we had to put him in memory care.
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