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People with one parent left - How do you handle the other parent
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:31 am
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:31 am
I lost my dad in September and my mom has been in a downward spiral since. I genuinely feel like I lost both my parents the day my dad died.
How long does it take for the other parent to either learn to cope with the loss or at least not be the meanest person on the planet? I know their loss is great but it has gotten to the point where I am taking 2 steps back in my own grieving process.
How long does it take for the other parent to either learn to cope with the loss or at least not be the meanest person on the planet? I know their loss is great but it has gotten to the point where I am taking 2 steps back in my own grieving process.
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Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:32 am to jscrims
quote:great album
downward spiral
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:32 am to jscrims
Set her up with a young pool boy.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:32 am to jscrims
Possibly her entire life. Don’t be selfish
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:34 am to jscrims
Not sure - when my dad died years ago, my mom was happy 
quote:just remember she’s angry with something she can’t control, it’s not you.
or at least not be the meanest person on the planet?
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:36 am to jscrims
Lost my mom a little over 2 years ago. My parents were married for over 50 years. My dad still struggles a lot with it. I don’t think he’ll ever get over it or move on. My siblings and I just try to be there for him and include him in everything we do.
This post was edited on 5/14/23 at 11:40 am
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:37 am to jscrims
My dad passed 3 years ago quite unexpectedly from an accident. They were married 42 years
I moved in with my mom for a few months and she was quite a mess, completely understandably so. Things are still not easy but slightly better if you will. Be patient with her and be there for her
Everyone grieves differently and with completely different time frames
I moved in with my mom for a few months and she was quite a mess, completely understandably so. Things are still not easy but slightly better if you will. Be patient with her and be there for her
Everyone grieves differently and with completely different time frames
This post was edited on 5/14/23 at 11:40 am
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:50 am to jscrims
quote:
I lost my dad in September and my mom has been in a downward spiral since. I genuinely feel like I lost both my parents the day my dad died. How long does it take for the other parent to either learn to cope with the loss or at least not be the meanest person on the planet? I know their loss is great but it has gotten to the point where I am taking 2 steps back in my own grieving process.
How long were they together?
I’ve spent At least 10 hours per weekday and 16 on weekends with my wife for all but three weeks (business trips) for the last 24 years. It would probably take me 5-10 years to feel “normal” if she were gone.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 11:59 am to jscrims
My dad passed away in 2010. My mom will never totally get over it but it took her a good year to year and a half where she wasn’t a mess.
Once your mom is over the mad at the world phase the best thing you can do is include her in things.
My family, my sister and my mom have done a ton of stuff together since my dad passed.
Does your mom have siblings or other close family? My mom and my Dad’s first cousin travel a lot. Her and my mom have always been tight. Most of their outings involve donating money to whatever tribe runs the casino
Once your mom is over the mad at the world phase the best thing you can do is include her in things.
My family, my sister and my mom have done a ton of stuff together since my dad passed.
Does your mom have siblings or other close family? My mom and my Dad’s first cousin travel a lot. Her and my mom have always been tight. Most of their outings involve donating money to whatever tribe runs the casino
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:00 pm to jscrims
Does your Mom have any kind of spiritual life or would consider grief counseling or Griefshare? These things really helped me after my parents died.
If you’re taking steps back in your grieving process, you need to set boundaries with her. Negativity adding to your healing is not good.
If you’re taking steps back in your grieving process, you need to set boundaries with her. Negativity adding to your healing is not good.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:02 pm to jscrims
quote:
I lost my dad in September and my mom has been in a downward spiral since. I genuinely feel like I lost both my parents the day my dad died.
How long does it take for the other parent to either learn to cope with the loss or at least not be the meanest person on the planet? I know their loss is great but it has gotten to the point where I am taking 2 steps back in my own grieving process.
Everyone is different and how you deal with loss is often colored by how much tragedy you have had to deal with previously. Additionally, some people do have relationships that turn into being essentially one person in two bodies. So for your mom, it may be like she lost part of herself. And she may also be angry with your dad for dying without realizing it so she takes it out on you.
Just remember that your dad has been probably the most significant person in her life for longer than you have been alive. There really isn't much you can do except be there for her and make sure she knows that you are. And tell her you love her often, even if she is being mean to you.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:03 pm to jscrims
My mom died last year and her and my dad were married for 60 years. She was the only woman my dad ever dated and he was the only man she ever dated. You just don’t get over things like that. My dads health has taken a decidedly downward turn and he doesn’t like to leave the house except to go to the doctors.
It’s like he feels closer to mom when he’s there.
I can only try to keep him company as best I can and make sure his physical needs are met.
It’s like he feels closer to mom when he’s there.
I can only try to keep him company as best I can and make sure his physical needs are met.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:08 pm to jscrims
My dad is nearing the end of a long illness and I am genuinely worried about what my mom will do. They have been married 62 years and have done everything together always. She has been his caregiver for years now, and beyond the grief, she will have a void in her daily activities and purpose. I expect it to be very very difficult and take a long time.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:13 pm to jscrims
My dad had a major stroke in 2001 and shouldn’t have lived but he did. Lost his speech but can still communicate a little. He gets around pretty poorly and despite of that he still goes upstairs in his house. He outlived my mom who passed in 2015 which surprised everyone.
Now, my dad survives but he doesn’t live IMO. I feel like he’s waiting to die and he doesn’t take great care of himself. He’s 81 now and won’t listen to a soul, the stubborn old coot.
I often think about the what will happens- he’s made me the POA and has DNRs in place. I go to his house at least once a week and we speak (for whatever that is) daily. J just tell him what’s going on in my life and what the wife and kids are doing.
I will be broken in a way but also at peace with it when he finally goes.
Now, my dad survives but he doesn’t live IMO. I feel like he’s waiting to die and he doesn’t take great care of himself. He’s 81 now and won’t listen to a soul, the stubborn old coot.
I often think about the what will happens- he’s made me the POA and has DNRs in place. I go to his house at least once a week and we speak (for whatever that is) daily. J just tell him what’s going on in my life and what the wife and kids are doing.
I will be broken in a way but also at peace with it when he finally goes.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:14 pm to jscrims
quote:
How long does it take for the other parent to either learn to cope with the loss or at least not be the meanest person on the planet?
My grandfather died a year after we lost my grandmother. It was a brutal year.
Try and have as much patience as you can. They have it worse than you and they need love.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:14 pm to mdomingue
My dad is a big part of her and I understand that. I’m not looking for her to get over him or move on. I’m trying to figure out how to sit in a room with her without her sobbing at the mention or thought of my dad. She 1000% takes it out on me and I’m ok with that, just not ok when she does it to my wife and kids. My brother is a POS and hasn’t made things easier either so keeping the whole f’ing family falls on me too.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:15 pm to jscrims
There are a lot of variables here, all I can tell you is to be patient, be there for her, and be observant.
You may need to step in to handle things she cannot handle, depending on her general mental and physical condition. Be prepared and try not to be confrontational. If she is showing signs of dementia, that can be a challenge.
After my dad passed, my mom was a basket case for a week or two, but he had been in a nursing home for a couple of months, so his passing was not unexpected. She lived in her own house for another 8 years, with a lot of help.
When my FiL passed, we made all kinds of plans for my MiL because it seemed like she was in great shape and the women in her family lived a long, long time. We soon realized that all her energy was focused on her husband and with him gone, she went down quickly.
They are all different. Just do the best you can and try to remember that your mom is doing the best she can.
You may need to step in to handle things she cannot handle, depending on her general mental and physical condition. Be prepared and try not to be confrontational. If she is showing signs of dementia, that can be a challenge.
After my dad passed, my mom was a basket case for a week or two, but he had been in a nursing home for a couple of months, so his passing was not unexpected. She lived in her own house for another 8 years, with a lot of help.
When my FiL passed, we made all kinds of plans for my MiL because it seemed like she was in great shape and the women in her family lived a long, long time. We soon realized that all her energy was focused on her husband and with him gone, she went down quickly.
They are all different. Just do the best you can and try to remember that your mom is doing the best she can.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:16 pm to jscrims
I lost my dad in 10'. My mom was pretty independent and my dad had been sick for a long time. In a way it was kind of a relief that he passed, he was very sickly with heart problems. She still loves in and misses, but we know he's in a better place. Just try to include your mom in everything, call her often to check on her.
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:18 pm to jscrims
So Moms is back on the market? 
Posted on 5/14/23 at 12:20 pm to SuperSaint
You do you, you POS.
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