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O-T advice thread

Posted on 10/29/19 at 1:44 am
Posted by MasterAbe1
Member since Oct 2016
4995 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 1:44 am
I know this is probably a shot in the dark I’ll get anything but sarcasm but I could use anything right now. So a young lad just split with his girlfriend of two years and well I haven’t really been in this situation before considering she was my first “serious” relationship. I’ve always been one to struggle with self confidence issues and well I just need to hear ways of how I can successfully grow from this. At the end of the day I want to become a better man and I don’t know how to ask that from anybody I know as sad as that sounds. I appreciate it guys, y’all have helped me through a lot in the past.
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
75152 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 1:46 am to
Posted by Bigfishchoupique
Member since Jul 2017
8332 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 1:57 am to
I don’t know the circumstances. But if I had to guess she dumped you..

Don’t look back. Wasting time over her is a terrible waste.
First relationship? Young?\ Get yourself out there. You don't realize that there are women of all types out there that want to be with you.


Start asking women out now. So you get some no’s.BFD. Every no you get brings you closer to a yes

Knowing what I know now I would have “shopped” a lot harder while young. And I would have chosen the “one” a lot more carefully.



TL/ DR. She ain’t the only one with a pussy.
This post was edited on 10/29/19 at 5:55 am
Posted by HempHead
Big Sky Country
Member since Mar 2011
55438 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 2:08 am to
quote:

At the end of the day I want to become a better man


That's all you ever need to be focused on, in good times or bad. Success in all aspects will follow if you do that.

It won't heal the heartbreak, but it will put you in a better position moving forward. Over time, the focus you put on your own improvement will overtake whatever lingering anguish you have.
Posted by 24nights
Louisiana
Member since Apr 2012
4770 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 2:12 am to
The answer is simple, go bang her friends, all of them.
Posted by Hangit
The Green Swamp
Member since Aug 2014
39058 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 5:30 am to
quote:

I just need to hear ways of how I can successfully grow from this


Post links to her social media, hit the gym, work harder at making more money, ask out quantity before you settle down with quality.

You will find the next "her".
Posted by Bazzatcha
Member since May 2017
743 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 5:43 am to
People with self confidence issues tend to be serial monomers, meaning they find a girl who appears to interested in them and latch on because it makes them feel good. Many times these people conform themselves around the girl, changing who they are, doing everything possible to keep her happy. The woman usually likes the attention and the power they have over the man and end up abusing said man by being completely selfish and making things a one way relationship. This is a toxic situation and will NEVER get better. Ground rules on how partners treat each other are set very early in a relationship and if you find yourself with a woman who thinks her man should worship the ground she walks on and doesn't reciprocate the behavior, you need to man up and tell her something or just cut the cord.

Time heals all wounds, but finding several other women to focus on will certainly expedite the process. Right now, it sounds like you don't have any other women to think about so until that is no longer the case, she will still be in your head. Don't jump on the first woman who comes your way, instead play the field, keep your options open, go on several dates and eventually you will find a woman who treats you right and then you can narrow your focus on that one girl and start another relationship. The last thing you need to do is jump in this situation all over again, but at the end of the day, you need to act like this chick doesn't bother you as that will either make her happy that you moved on or she will realize that she fked up in that she left a guy who actually cared about her and treated her well. If she does come crawling back, don't take her back with open arms. Slow play the hell out of it and try your best to rest the ground rules. If she can't handle that, then you dump her and move on.
Posted by SECdragonmaster
Order of the Dragons
Member since Dec 2013
16175 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:11 am to
You will never make a woman happy. It’s impossible. Because no matter how great she is, a woman always feels she is not good enough. Sadly, most women look to a man to “complete them” and finally make them happy. But it never lasts and she eventually feels unhappy and starts dreaming of the next thing to meet her needs. Usually, it’s children. But when that falls short - she pines about how she is in a loveless marriage with a man she ignored for her children for the previous two decades. The same man who went out and worked to provide for all of her dreams and desires while only asking for more frequent sex which she did not give him. Then she chooses between divorce and taking half his money or having an extramarital affair and then divorce and taking half his money. Then it becomes his fault that things are akward at every holiday and even his children’s marriages and birth of the grand kids. Then she spends the next two decades trying to teach her granddaughters to find the “right guy” that does not actually exist. Then the circle of life repeats itself.

And here you sit feeling sorry for yourself that you are alone.

Get perspective man.
Posted by Evil Little Thing
Member since Jul 2013
11214 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:17 am to
quote:

SECdragonmaster


That is equal parts funny and sad. Probably because there is some truth.
Posted by SECdragonmaster
Order of the Dragons
Member since Dec 2013
16175 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:38 am to
quote:

That is equal parts funny and sad. Probably because there is some truth.


It’s a combination of thoughts from 3 of my friends who are divorced at my age. Fortunately, my wife of 25+ years is great and understands my limitations as I understand hers.
Posted by TulaneLSU
Member since Aug 2003
Member since Dec 2007
13298 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:47 am to
Prayer, devotional reading, and acts of love, especially directed toward those who the world has not loved.

These acts will help you strengthen as a person and escape the chains of sadness and self pity.

The right woman for you is the one who will partake in those acts together, a woman who knows we are all resident aliens in this world. She will know our hearts are restless until they rest in God.
This post was edited on 10/29/19 at 6:50 am
Posted by Hangit
The Green Swamp
Member since Aug 2014
39058 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:54 am to
quote:

and acts of love, especially directed toward those who the world has not loved


Does this mean you think the OP should go out and bang some 2's and 3's?

I think he should set his sights on bettering himself and banging girls in his lane.
Posted by YouAre8Up
in a house
Member since Mar 2011
12792 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:55 am to
You certainly came to the right place for some solid social advice.
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
34993 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:55 am to
Get a face tattoo.
Posted by Evil Little Thing
Member since Jul 2013
11214 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:56 am to
quote:

Does this mean you think the OP should go out and bang some 2's and 3's?


This should be his takeaway from the thread.
Posted by Nicky Parrish
Member since Apr 2016
7098 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:56 am to
The old saying
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
123930 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 6:57 am to
Best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else
Posted by Bigfishchoupique
Member since Jul 2017
8332 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 7:10 am to
When I got divorced the song playing was “ How can I get over you when you are under him”.
This post was edited on 10/29/19 at 7:11 am
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
47463 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 7:12 am to
quote:

So a young lad


quote:

struggle with self confidence


Grindr will fix that right away.
Posted by Jake88
Member since Apr 2005
68045 posts
Posted on 10/29/19 at 8:23 am to
What's wrong with you that you need to be a better man? Is that not something that will happen naturally as you age?

All it takes to be a man is to be one who takes care of their responsibilities, whether with family, friends, or work, while treating others with the respect they are due.
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