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Message
re: Moving in before or after marriage?
Posted on 2/14/19 at 8:37 am to Datfish
Posted on 2/14/19 at 8:37 am to Datfish
quote:
Thinking about moving in with my girlfriend. The parents on both sides are not too happy about it, but it makes a whole lot of sense financially.
I just don't get why some people still consider it such a terrible thing.
Would you be willing to buy a car if the dealer didn't let you test drive? Moving in together is a great way to ensure you're with the right girl.
2
Posted on 2/14/19 at 8:37 am to Datfish
Gf moves in with me. She saved $1200 in rent, and like $150 in bills. I get the dishes done and my clothes washed, and don't have to worry about going back and forth every day. It's a good idea
Posted on 2/14/19 at 8:42 am to Datfish
quote:
The parents on both sides are not too happy about it
Did they give you any details why they don’t like the idea?
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:01 am to Hammertime
quote:
Gf moves in with me. She saved $1200 in rent, and like $150 in bills. I get the dishes done and my clothes washed, and don't have to worry about going back and forth every day. It's a good idea
Wait hold up.....she doesn’t pay rent or bills now?? And she only does the dishes and washes clothes?
And you think you are getting a great deal out of this?
Sucker
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:02 am to ApexTiger
quote:
You are worried about saving a little rent? That's your excuse for living together?
Money and sex are the two biggest reasons people get divorced.
Saving money on rent was pretty important to me since my wife is stuck with a car payment and student loans.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:06 am to Tigeralum2008
I wouldn’t even propose to my wife until after we lived together for a year. Why would you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone when you don’t know who they are and how they live and if you can put up with them. Might as well buy a lotto ticket.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:13 am to ApexTiger
quote:
It you have some spiritual wisdom and guidance within you, you will not move in together prior to marriage. Maybe that's why you're asking for opinions?
Moving in says "we're already married"
I actually hate attending weddings to people who have shacked up for months if not years...
If marriage isn't special to you, then why would you expect family and friends to think it's a big deal to celebrate the big day?
You are worried about saving a little rent? That's your excuse for living together?
My wife's mother was thrilled we moved in together before we were even engaged. Why? Because mother knew I'd look after her and, basically, knew where she was and was protected at all times in the city. Her dad nodded to his wife when she stated it. If you raised your daughter right, she'll pick a guy that will take care of her. Helicopter parents are the worst, especially when their kid is a fully grown adult with a full-time, professional job.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:14 am to Datfish
After obviously.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:14 am to Datfish
quote:
Moving in before or after marriage?
Lived with a girlfriend in college for several years and got engaged and shortly after it fell apart. Sucked, but we split bills so other than having to split up a handful of things we'd bought together there were no financial ties.
I ended up NOT living with my wife while we were engaged a few years later...which was really silly, because by the time we got together we spent literally every night together for two years before getting married. All we did was pay two rents, utilities, etc...
Moral of the story, getting married ought not be like opening a Christmas present and you finally see what you got that morning. The first relationship did not work out, but it would have likely made it until we married and then instead of an ugly breakup it would have been a divorce. On the other hand, the second one would have been fine and we'd have saved some money early on. We've been married since 1996, so I'm thinking that one worked out.
Part of what I think unnecessarily tests many marriages are simply having to get used to living with the person. A bad relationship will buckle in that case, while a good one will flourish. Better to test that a bit before making it official...
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:14 am to Datfish
BEFORE
BEFORE
BEFORE
Please do it before.
It's a trial run. You learn so much more about each other when you actually live together. I know a lot of couples that moved in before marriage thinking marriage was inevitable, but realized they weren't compatible after living together.
BEFORE
BEFORE
Please do it before.
It's a trial run. You learn so much more about each other when you actually live together. I know a lot of couples that moved in before marriage thinking marriage was inevitable, but realized they weren't compatible after living together.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:16 am to TheCaterpillar
quote:
realized they weren't compatible after living together.
don't give a shite either way but if you don't know this prior to cohabitating, that won't make much of a difference
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:16 am to Datfish
My wife and I lived together for a little over a year before we got married.
We lived two miles from each other and always stayed the night so it was stupid to keep paying for 2 places.
We lived two miles from each other and always stayed the night so it was stupid to keep paying for 2 places.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:17 am to ApexTiger
quote:
It you have some spiritual wisdom and guidance within you, you will not move in together prior to marriage. Maybe that's why you're asking for opinions?
Moving in says "we're already married"
I actually hate attending weddings to people who have shacked up for months if not years...
If marriage isn't special to you, then why would you expect family and friends to think it's a big deal to celebrate the big day?
You are worried about saving a little rent? That's your excuse for living together?
You're part of the problem. This post irrationally pisses me off
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:18 am to Datfish
It's usually not a good idea because it blurs the lines of commitment. I've done some reading about it and I think generally worse the younger the couples are. If you're in your late 20's/early 30's, successful and classy then you'll be fine. If you're young, poor and retarded then it's probably not a good idea but you'll have problems anyway more than likely.
My wife and I did it for a year prior to marriage but we had just got engaged.
My wife and I did it for a year prior to marriage but we had just got engaged.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:19 am to Quatre Pot
quote:
Living together before marriage increases chances of divorce substantially
No, it does not.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:21 am to 777Tiger
quote:
don't give a shite either way but if you don't know this prior to cohabitating, that won't make much of a difference
Completely disagree. Cohabitating reveals so much more about a person.
Its a whole different ball game when you split chores and responsibilities in the same house, share the same bathroom every morning before work, split the bills, etc.
You can't hide from each other at your worst.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:22 am to TheCaterpillar
quote:
Living together before marriage increases chances of divorce substantiallyquote:
No, it does not.
I've seen conflicting info on it. I think there's a decent case to be made that it could increase the chances for some couples (generally younger couples that aren't as stable financially) but I definitely wouldn't say "substantially," and I definitely wouldn't say that those couples weren't on the fast track to divorce anyway.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:23 am to TheCaterpillar
quote:
Completely disagree.
after this post I will be searching for a rusty razor blade to end it all for somewhat agreeing with Pecker, but see his post directly above
ETA: 4 posts above
This post was edited on 2/14/19 at 9:24 am
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:24 am to Datfish
quote:
Thinking about moving in with my girlfriend. The parents on both sides are not too happy about it, but it makes a whole lot of sense financially.
I just don't get why some people still consider it such a terrible thing.
My wife and I moved in together about a year before we got married. Our parents are both pretty conservative but both sides were okay with it. We'd dated all throughout college, so everyone knew it was just a matter of time before we got engaged. I highly recommend it.
It's a great stress test prior to getting engaged and married, and you get the initial living together growing pains out of the way. When you're no longer living in different places, there's nowhere you can escape to when you have a fight, so it forces you to work through your issues. There's no "F this, I'm going back to my place."
Like others have said, it also gives you a chance to establish a home routine, and work through the little things like keeping the house clean, laundry, and other crap like that.
The first year of any new marriage is stressful, so you at least get a head start on working through the little things that could otherwise be minefields in a new marriage.
If you get into a cohabitation situation and realize it's not going to work out, you both at least save yourselves a ton of grief and trouble by realizing that up front rather than going into a marriage with your eyes closed and suffering through a divorce.
This post was edited on 2/14/19 at 9:31 am
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:24 am to TheCaterpillar
quote:
Completely disagree. Cohabitating reveals so much more about a person.
Of course it does, and anyone that's ever moved in with a friend knows this to be 100% true. Even a good friend you've known forever is different when you're around them most of the time and then living with them.
Why would this be different with the person you're in a relationship with?
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