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Message
re: Moving in before or after marriage?
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:26 am to TheCaterpillar
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:26 am to TheCaterpillar
quote:
share the same bathroom every
Separate bathrooms.....key to a happy marriage
2
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:28 am to Pecker
quote:
Living together before marriage increases chances of divorce substantially
Everything began to change after I moved in with my ex fiance. It made me eventually realize that we weren't good for each other and I would have been miserable. Cohabitation saved me a lot of money by avoiding inevitable divorce.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:28 am to GeauxTigerTM
quote:
Why would this be different with the person you're in a relationship with?
Because behavior varies (even slightly) in relationships based on commitment. Living together blurs those lines. As a man, you know you can leave if you really want to. Sure you live together but you're not married.
I'm not really arguing one way or another. I'm just saying that it has the potential to cause problems for younger couples because they don't have the requisite maturity to play house.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:29 am to Columbia
quote:
Good way to test if you can tolerate her for the rest of your life.
I agree with this. But the drawback is that it makes it harder to get out of the relationship if that time ever comes.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:29 am to lsunurse
quote:
Separate bathrooms.....key to a happy marriage
there is much troof in this statement
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:34 am to Pecker
quote:
I'm not really arguing one way or another. I'm just saying that it has the potential to cause problems for younger couples because they don't have the requisite maturity to play house.
True, but age and maturity are the hinge points for everything.
Would I recommend two 20 year olds move in together who don't have a clue? Hell no.
Would I recommend it to two people in their mid-ish 20s and beyond who have settled down, matured, established careers and know what they want? Absolutely.
This post was edited on 2/14/19 at 9:36 am
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:37 am to BottomlandBrew
quote:
It's better to find out you can;t live together before you sign up for a lifetime financial agreement.
I agree with this, but... Does it matter more how long a couple dates for prior to marriage? Or does it matter more how long they live together prior to getting married. Hear me out. I dated my wife for 7 years prior to getting married. None of it was living together, although while in college we slept at one anothers apartments regularly. We had really no move in adjustment issues. I find that has more to do with, we dated long enough to iron out all the petty shite, that people normally fight about, and or break up over.
So my question is, wouldn't it just benefit people to stop getting married so fast, date a while then get hitched and move in once you are married. Or date for a short period of time, live together and iron out the differences that way?
Personally I don't care what people do, if you want to live together and not get married or get married, fine with me. If you don't, that's fine too. I am more interested in what keeps people together or breaks them up. Those are real issues.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:41 am to engvol
quote:
Better to find out whether you work or not before tying the knot
Can't that be accomplished by just dating for a long time prior to marriage? you are going to have quite a few sleep overs during a long dating period. you are going to be around each other quite a bit. chances are you are going to run into some major roadblocks and either move on, or break up because of them. I don't think living in the same house makes or breaks that.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:43 am to LetzGeaux
quote:
We moved in together and that’s when I realized that it would not work. Relationship took a totally different route.
How was it different. How long did you guys date before moving in?
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:44 am to Datfish
my wife and I moved in way before we got married. I think its a good litmus test to see how you guys can tolerate each other when your around the same environment all the time. We have been married for 6 years and quite happy. Do it.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:49 am to lsunurse
quote:
Also...when you just live together...you still can fairly easily exit the relationship if you wanted to. Your biggest obstacle is figuring out the housing situation.
A married couple with no kids who have only been married one or a few years literally have zero issues getting a quickie divorce and moving on. I've seen it just as much. I have seen just as many couples, who have had messier split ups, who were never married, have kids and had been shacking up the whole time. There was little difference in splitting up assets, kids, etc., minus the actual legal cost of a divorce. All the other costs were the same. so there is little if any difference.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:53 am to Tigeralum2008
quote:
Would you be willing to buy a car if the dealer didn't let you test drive?
Terrible analogy, have a downvote.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:53 am to Datfish
I did last week. Splitting the rent alone was totally worth it (me paying 1k alone vs. Splitting her 650).
It takes adjusting but I'd rather adjust now vs. Later when I have potential alimony weighing over my head.
It takes adjusting but I'd rather adjust now vs. Later when I have potential alimony weighing over my head.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:54 am to Hammertime
quote:
Gf moves in with me. She saved $1200 in rent, and like $150 in bills. I get the dishes done and my clothes washed, and don't have to worry about going back and forth every day.
I didn't see anything in this post about an apron or a sandwich. You need to drop this woman pronto.....
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:55 am to jefffan
quote:
It takes adjusting but I'd rather adjust now vs. Later when I have potential alimony weighing over my head.
brilliant!
, that you Cruiser? in some states you just started that clockPosted on 2/14/19 at 9:56 am to Kracka
Yeah he is getting played badly.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:56 am to ApexTiger
quote:
"who are acting like they are married" In texas, after 6 months, you are declared legally married
Just living together isn’t acting like they are married, there is more to it even if you are planning to eventually get married. This is just bending over backwards to align something with your archaic beliefs.
In Texas, you also have to agree to being married and consider each other husband and wife to be common law married. Roommates don’t just magically become married after 6 months....
Sometimes the fairy tales we read about online or in books are just that and don’t apply to actual law.
There are all kinds of ways to build trust, it sounds like you grew up and decided to fulfill your obligations and commitments and made better choices. That tends to happen when you grow up.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:57 am to Datfish
Moving in with my wife when we were dating confirmed she was the one. So many people move in and shite gets miserable....she moved in with me and life got better. People say you're not saving anything special for marriage. I disagree...it still feels different and more special now that we're married. I'm really glad we did it
Posted on 2/14/19 at 9:57 am to Datfish
Never before. Never.
You are basically giving up any leverage you have against her. The biggest arrow quiver in the man's bag is the ability to walk away. By moving in you are giving that up.
Sex will go down. Trust me. Guys move in with women they aren't married to thinking they will get sex on the regular every night. Haha. You have to remember all women weaponize and commoditize sex and use it as leverage to get what they want. Remember how i said the biggest chip a man has is to walk away? The biggest leverage chip a woman has is her vagina. Now that she knows you gave up your biggest leverage, she basically has free reign to ration access to sex.
And with common law and feminism, if you try to sever ties and move out, you are still liable and on the hook
You have NOTHING to gain from this. NOTHING.
You are basically giving up any leverage you have against her. The biggest arrow quiver in the man's bag is the ability to walk away. By moving in you are giving that up.
Sex will go down. Trust me. Guys move in with women they aren't married to thinking they will get sex on the regular every night. Haha. You have to remember all women weaponize and commoditize sex and use it as leverage to get what they want. Remember how i said the biggest chip a man has is to walk away? The biggest leverage chip a woman has is her vagina. Now that she knows you gave up your biggest leverage, she basically has free reign to ration access to sex.
And with common law and feminism, if you try to sever ties and move out, you are still liable and on the hook
You have NOTHING to gain from this. NOTHING.
Posted on 2/14/19 at 10:01 am to TheCaterpillar
Seriously, you can rationally pick that idiotic paragraph apart in so many ways.
This post was edited on 2/14/19 at 10:02 am
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