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Started By
Message
Losing Vision, would you expect your spouse to move?
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:37 am
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:37 am
Yep, I know this is not the marriage forum, if there ever was one. More venting than anything, as I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
For context, diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa. Google that if you want a good "glad it's not me" disease. Losing my vision. My peripheral vision is now 10 degrees. Diagnosed by UK in Lexington, and the VA. Legally, I should not drive. I drive sparingly around the country roads near us, but that's it. Gotta renew DL this year, but I won't be able to pass vision exam.
Floated the idea of moving to Lexington by the wife. Shot down harder than a Chinese balloon. Family all here, grew up here. Tough luck, basically. I'm not a city person, but I'm also not wanting to depend on wife for everything With a bus I can get to a job, appts, parks, restaurants etc.
Sounds like a win win for both of us, but she's not budging an inch. Unreasonable on my part?
For context, diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa. Google that if you want a good "glad it's not me" disease. Losing my vision. My peripheral vision is now 10 degrees. Diagnosed by UK in Lexington, and the VA. Legally, I should not drive. I drive sparingly around the country roads near us, but that's it. Gotta renew DL this year, but I won't be able to pass vision exam.
Floated the idea of moving to Lexington by the wife. Shot down harder than a Chinese balloon. Family all here, grew up here. Tough luck, basically. I'm not a city person, but I'm also not wanting to depend on wife for everything With a bus I can get to a job, appts, parks, restaurants etc.
Sounds like a win win for both of us, but she's not budging an inch. Unreasonable on my part?
24
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:38 am to BluegrassCardinal
quote:
Unreasonable on my part?
Unfortunately, It doesn't sound like either one of you is being unreasonable.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:39 am to BluegrassCardinal
quote:
Unreasonable on my part?
no
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:40 am to BluegrassCardinal
quote:
I know this is not the marriage forum, if there ever was one
You’ve come to the right place
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:41 am to Green Chili Tiger
quote:
Unfortunately, It doesn't sound like either one of you is being unreasonable.
yeah I kinda agree with this I think. And as long as she's willing to help you with:
quote:
job, appts, parks, restaurants etc.
..then it should seem to work out okay.
Tough situation though, and all you can do is approach it again with her and get to the point where you can have a rational, adult conversation about it. Hell, maybe she doesn't fully understand the responsibilities she will have to take on once your vision disappears. If that's the case she may come around on moving somewhere that will help you (and her).
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:45 am to BluegrassCardinal
I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You did say your family is all around you. It may be just as beneficial to have a family support system as it would be to have resources like public transportation in Lexington. I'd talk this through with her and make sure you can depend on them for your needs.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:47 am to BluegrassCardinal
Sounds like your wife forgot her vows
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:56 am to BluegrassCardinal
My wife would do whatever I asked of her, as I would for her.
I am sorry for your situation.
I am sorry for your situation.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:58 am to Ingeniero
quote:
I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You did say your family is all around you. It may be just as beneficial to have a family support system as it would be to have resources like public transportation in Lexington. I'd talk this through with her and make sure you can depend on them for your needs.
Yeah that’s totally fair to him. Make him 100% dependent on everyone else and feel like a burden just so his wife can visit Aunt Jeanie every Wednesday. She needs to get over herself
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:58 am to VetteGuy
quote:
My wife would do whatever I asked of her, as I would for her. I am sorry for your situation.
This. I wouldn’t even give it a second thought.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 8:59 am to BluegrassCardinal
She’ll eventually realize she’ll need some assistance to care for you and want to be around better resources, family, friends when it gets real.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:01 am to BluegrassCardinal
Man that’s a difficult one. That lack of support from her is brutal. I’ve been through it and it’s soul crushing. Here’s this person you do, and would do, anything for and she can’t even have a conversation and weigh out the pros and cons to reach a conclusion together.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:02 am to BluegrassCardinal
quote:
I'm also not wanting to depend on wife for everything With a bus I can get to a job, appts, parks, restaurants etc.
Is your wife not willing to help you with all of these things? Are you wanting to take her away from family and familiar settings just because you don’t want to rely on her for that help? If the only issue is one of your own pride and your family would otherwise function and be provided for where you are, maybe reconsider your own motivations?
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:04 am to BluegrassCardinal
Maybe you move and leave her there.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:05 am to BluegrassCardinal
quote:
I'm also not wanting to depend on wife for everything With a bus I can get to a job, appts, parks, restaurants etc.
y'all ain't got Uber where you live?
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:08 am to BluegrassCardinal
quote:Did she even discuss it and explain her objections? If you two can’t even talk through the possibility and make a joint decision, it doesn’t sound like much of a marriage.
Floated the idea of moving to Lexington by the wife. Shot down harder than a Chinese balloon.
Having said that, I suspect we aren’t getting the full story. Have her create an account and let’s get her side too.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:10 am to BluegrassCardinal
Two things about this post:
1st. Chicken please create a Marriage Forum for this site.
2nd. The OP needs to fly to Miami and get an appointment with the Bascom Eye Hospital at the University of Miami ASAP.
1st. Chicken please create a Marriage Forum for this site.
2nd. The OP needs to fly to Miami and get an appointment with the Bascom Eye Hospital at the University of Miami ASAP.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:14 am to SabiDojo
quote:
Yeah that’s totally fair to him. Make him 100% dependent on everyone else and feel like a burden just so his wife can visit Aunt Jeanie every Wednesday. She needs to get over herself
I think that's a very uncharitable interpretation of his wife's stance. Having a strong family unit to support you could be much more beneficial than uprooting so you can have a bus take you to your appointments. If his wife is intent on being around family and insists he's not a burden to take care of because of it, I can see where she's coming from. OP and his wife need to discuss it more and make all these things clear
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:27 am to BluegrassCardinal
I think she is being unreasonable.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:47 am to BluegrassCardinal
Louisville and Lexington are not that far apart. Could you both find a compromise? Lots of small towns off I64 between the two.
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