It’s time to grow up, Louisiana: Nola Article

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There's really no easy way to put this, Louisiana. You're making a royal mess of your life. You've gone through most of the oil and gas inheritance, have no steady employment and your long-term prospects don't look good. You've always been fun to be around, the center of attention at every party, but there comes a time when you have to start taking some responsibility. You just made 206 as a state but you certainly don't act like it. Even Mississippi is beginning to look at you as a bad influence. You have great food and a party every weekend while your universities and colleges get by on crumbs and hand-me-downs. To quote Faber College's Dean Vernon Wormer, "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." The party is over. It's time to grow up. Playing for tips in the French Quarter just ain't cutting it. Do you really think the Legislature likes getting that call every few weeks to come to the Capitol to bail you out?

I know, I know, you just need another half-penny of sales tax to get you through this rough patch. Then you will be able to get your life back on track. You'll come up with a real spending plan and a job to pay for it. How many times have we heard that? I understand the rising costs of health care and education, but what about that money you spend on pro football, basketball and the movies? I like sports and entertainment as much as anybody, but at some point we have to ask whether we can afford it and whether everybody is paying a fair share. If you want to keep all that stuff, you're going to have to come up with a way to pay for it.

I don't want to have to call Sen. John Kennedy down here, but I will if I have to. And you know what he's going to say: "You have a spending problem, not a revenue problem." Of course it's more complicated than that. You have both spending and revenue problems, but no one seems to know how to untangle your finances enough to fix it. Sometimes it seems like you're just laundering money for some of your rich pals. I know the idea of a steady, dependable source of income sounds boring, but sometimes boring is good. It's time to put the party life and get-rich schemes behind you and get serious. You don't have to put on a suit, but at least change out of your pajamas and take off that jester's hat. Do you ever stop to think about all the children depending on you.

Maybe all your new high-tech friends will help. Who knows? But remember when you were going big into biomedical research and video game design and whatever Atlanta, Houston or Austin was into? You tease us with promise here and there, but it still isn't paying the bills. And when is the last time you had a truly original idea? I love you, Louisiana. We all do. You're our state. But there comes a time when we have to say that this just can't continue. Trying to take that money from grandma in the nursing home was a new low. I know you're better than that. So how about getting off the couch and trying to really make something of yourself. And just because you find a half-penny under the sofa cushions doesn't mean you solved your problem.

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