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re: Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children?

Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:13 pm to
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:13 pm to
quote:

how old are these women?



Same as Pecker's lady I think, from about 27-33 or so

Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:14 pm to
quote:

He's also limiting women to only one of two roles. Not sure why you have a problem with me pointing that out, given your gender.




You didn't even try to read what I said, did you? I shouldn't have to work this hard to help you read.

quote:

It's not a woman vs man thing either. I don't care which one of us does it, but I believe one of us would need to be there during those formative years.


Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:14 pm to
quote:

It certainly happens. Like I said, things can change. If I had a gun to my head and were forced to bet on whether or not she'd want kids in 5 years... there'd be no hesitation. As unlikely as it is that she'd want to change careers, it's exponentially less likely that she'll start liking children and want to have them. Could happen though.



I don't know if you meant to say she doesn't like kids, but yeah, that'd obviously be a big piece of the puzzle.
Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:14 pm to
quote:


Same as Pecker's lady I think, from about 27-33 or so



that 30 yr old swing is tough.

My SO has less of an interest in kids than I do, and she's in that range.
Posted by Sentrius
Fort Rozz
Member since Jun 2011
64757 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:15 pm to
quote:

Well I was joking

But if we want this thread to get even more absurd, sure, let's get into this





That's for another thread but I will say that I know of one who's a regular on the poliboard and its not who you're thinking of. He's a good dude.

People like him may or may not be the norm but they're evidence that it can be done but I would still advise against it as a strong nuclear family functions best with a stable monogamous relationship between the parents.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
83168 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:16 pm to
See, this is why you don't give reasons. Every reason can be rebutted.

I could write a laundry list of reasons but none of those are the real reason: lack of desire. Nobody can argue with that. Even if they think you'll change your mind, only an idiot would tell you to go ahead and do it now despite the lack of desire. That would be encouraging bad parenting.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:16 pm to
quote:

I'm just trying to prepare him for when his wife comes home one day in 5 years and says "I want a baby"




Because it's the thing to do, or because she'll suddenly decide she likes children and wants one?
Posted by Sentrius
Fort Rozz
Member since Jun 2011
64757 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:20 pm to
quote:

I've just watched a ton of fierce independent women do radical 180s in the last 3-4 years on this very subject, so it's just amazing how natural inclinations work


Not really. It's just biology and our natural instincts to reproduce that are working here as it was intended to do. Human Men and Human Women are animals and they still respond to those base animal instincts of reproducing.

What's more amazing is people who are able to ignore them for the duration of their lives and go completely childless. Almost kind of like an aberration though no fault of their own.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:22 pm to
quote:

Pecker I think you've largely been reasonable in this thread

I can't attest for the true assholes, but for some of us, if it seems like we're mocking or laughing at you, we're really just amused because we've seen exactly what you're describing, and have seen the most common end result.




no worries. Having or not having children is not something I worry about. I think if I went in to more detail about her upbringing and her relationship with her parents and siblings (which isn't a bad one, but is unique) it would create a better understanding of why she doesn't want children. Add in the career aspect and it's a very clear picture.

I certainly have no interest in children. That could change. I could see myself going either way by the time I'm 35. But as for her... it seems like such a remote possibility that I have a difficult time figuring out how she would even arrive at the idea of children.
Posted by UpToPar
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2008
23096 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:22 pm to
quote:

Because it's the thing to do, or because she'll suddenly decide she likes children and wants one?


This is completely different than not wanting to have kids because of her career. If she doesn't like children she doesn't like children, but who doesn't like kids? This gets back to Petti's point earlier that most of these couples are not very likeable.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:24 pm to
quote:

See, this is why you don't give reasons. Every reason can be rebutted.

I could write a laundry list of reasons but none of those are the real reason: lack of desire. Nobody can argue with that. Even if they think you'll change your mind, only an idiot would tell you to go ahead and do it now despite the lack of desire. That would be encouraging bad parenting.




I enjoy these kinds of discussions, so it doesn't bother me. LNCHBOX's retardation is only amusing for so long though. He can't even read through an entire post before typing a response.

The irony of this thread is that it was about 2 people trying to convince my fiance and me to have children... and it's turned into people trying to convince me that I will have children. that isn't lost on me

Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:24 pm to
quote:

This is completely different than not wanting to have kids because of her career. If she doesn't like children she doesn't like children, but who doesn't like kids? This gets back to Petti's point earlier that most of these couples are not very likeable.


I love my nieces and nephews. Think they're great. have a ton of fun with them.

My SO and I, however, have no interest in having our own. It's that simple. It doesnt mean we hate kids. We hate the idea of having our own kids.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:24 pm to
quote:

My SO has less of an interest in kids than I do, and she's in that range.



I think being in a tough or unrewarding profession also contributes. Which is probably true for any female in a male-dominated profession.

Not that there is rampant Mad Men sexism or anything. But at least in law, if you're a senior associate female (30-35), everyone is going to try and frick you. Even your 50 year old female paralegal is either going to screw you over for your male counterparts, or she's going to try and make you her buddy and likely won't respect you like other people she works for.

I see it all the time, it's tough. You almost have to develop a hard edge or you won't make it. I've heard a lot of well-educated, very accomplished women say something akin to "I just looked at (some woman she works with) and decided I did not want to end up like that, and I saw myself becoming like that."
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89397 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:25 pm to
quote:

. LNCHBOX's retardation is only amusing for so long though. He can't even read through an entire post before typing a response.


According to you a "typical" woman stays home with the kids. Are you backing down from that statement?

ETA: And let's not forget that it's either mom raising the kids or various day cares. Those are your words.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 3:27 pm
Posted by UpToPar
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2008
23096 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:27 pm to
quote:

My SO and I, however, have no interest in having our own. It's that simple. It doesnt mean we hate kids. We hate the idea of having our own kids.


Which is fine, but OP said his SO hates kids. I'm sure it was just poor phrasing, but I don't see how anyone could hate children.
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86725 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:29 pm to
quote:

because she'll suddenly decide she likes children and wants one
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:29 pm to
FWIW the true test of whether you suck or not as a human being isn't based on liking children, it's based on whether you like dogs

Not opinion, no caveats
Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:29 pm to
quote:

I see it all the time, it's tough. You almost have to develop a hard edge or you won't make it. I've heard a lot of well-educated, very accomplished women say something akin to "I just looked at (some woman she works with) and decided I did not want to end up like that, and I saw myself becoming like that."


shite, my brother had the same reaction at Pepper-Hamilton.

Even got the last minute drag by a partner about "missing the dream" and he thought to himself...I dont want to be on my 4th wife like you and never see my kids.

much happier as an in house with a fortune 100 company now.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:30 pm to
quote:

I don't know if you meant to say she doesn't like kids


She likes some kids like our nieces and nephews, but overall I'd say she isn't particularly fond of children. For a variety of reasons (some that I'd rather not get into) she has no desire to raise her own. Apart from the career aspect.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 3:31 pm to
quote:

According to you a "typical" woman stays home with the kids. Are you backing down from that statement?

ETA: And let's not forget that it's either mom raising the kids or various day cares. Those are your words.




I can't keep helping you along. I'm sorry.
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