I was almost killed by my Columbian girlfriend today!

So, the woman I’m dating (not a chance for pics) stopped by the house after lunch. She went back in my bedroom to use the bathroom and all of the sudden I hear one pissed of Columbian woman! This is when I learned to NEVER cheat on this woman.

She’s screaming what bitch was up in here, you cheating mf, I’ll cut you, I’ll kill your arse, it was all half Spanish, half English, but I definitely heard cut you, kill you and realized she meant it. She came storming and yelling into the living room screaming about a dick on my counter. I’m like wtf are you talking about?

If you’ve never tried to have a logical/reasonable conversation with a pissed off Latin woman that’s screaming Spanglish, I’ll just tell you it’s both sexy and frightening, but basically impossible.

So, I finally figure out she’s asking me what woman had been at my house and left her dildo on the bathroom counter. I kept saying, there is no woman and there isn’t a sex toy in there… Then, my dumbass suggested she go pick up whatever it is and see what it is.. Wrong suggestion.. I got to hear how here hands would never touch that toy dick and how it was in hooker pussy. Bla bla bla. I was a little hurt when she said she would never touch my dick again.. No bueno!! She literally went fricking loco!! She promised me she was gonna kill us both, but she’d make mine last days and it’d be painful.. If she would have had a knife or gun, I seriously think she would’ve tried to kill me. Finally, I get her calmed down enough to go in the “whores room” with me and this is what we discovered.





Ok, it resembles a sex toy, but definitely isn’t.



So yes, I almost got killed for keeping my dogs nail trimmer. She was so embarrassed and then started apologizing in half Spanish, Half English.. No worries, she’ll make it up to me later, but she was in a hurry and had to leave!

Look, as a grown man you can’t just let her leave and let that shite go without giving her a little shite.. So, I waited til she was 20 min down the road and sent these:







She replied, “One more phallic picture and I’ll turn whatever it is into a sex toy and bury it in your arse when you least expect it!” I figured it was time to let it go.