re: I lied to a girl I'm trying to impress, told her I can run a 5k in under 29 minutes (DONE)

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Pathetic for him to not post since the race.

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He's probably still running. Or lost his phone since he wanted to carry it in his hand the whole time.

I think he went with my suggestion and came clean, then went and had a shower with her. He is now passed out in bed, smelling like some liquid fruity soap.

I need an update OP!

Using the OT sleuth skills that were mentioned, I found a 26 year old male that finished in 24 minutes and a 30 year old female that finished in 33. Their bib numbers are 2 apart also.

Sorry for the time lapse. I've been checking the thread out today but wanted to wait until I was home to do the update. No surprise, the sleuths here have already identified me. Please keep the pizzas/prostitutes to the minimum.



So I arrive and I'm instantly impressed at the professionalism on display. This was a very well organized event with all the bells and whistles. Refreshments, festive party area, probably 30+ county sheriffs helping with the organization. The guys running the audio and PA sounded great. There was a good mixed of what I'll call 'professional runners' and ordinary guys. I was there about 40 minutes early, so I had plenty of time to walk around and mingle with my competition. Shout out to the guys who laughed at me and convinced me to buy some no-show socks this morning. I would have looked hella out of place. Everyone was super friendly. Of course, the majority of the crowd are doing stretches. I had no clue how to them the proper way, so I mostly just walked around and swung my arms about. I meet up with the crew (assembled by the girl) and we chat and get ready. The event organizer comes on the PA and thanks everyone for coming out and dishes on some of the details of the charity. We sing the national anthem, and before I know it post time is here.

At some point lying in bed last night I decided I would just carry my cell phone instead of purchasing a digital watch. I load up Map My Run app and get it ready. I'm positioned in the middle of the crowd. The race begins and like a herd of cattle we all awkwardly waddle to the sensors. As I cross the starting line I hit the button on my app and we're off. I start off way too strong I leave behind my girl and weave in and out of the traffic and get some space. Once we're about a quarter of the way through the first mile the lanes are set. There is a decent sized crowd made up of the professional guys who get out a good ways ahead. Then I'm in the next group. There is no way I should be in this group. My legs feel like jello almost instantly. I don't know if it was the practice from Tuesday, nerves, or the fact that I had been standing and walking around for a good 40 minutes. My legs feel dangerously tired, and I thought for sure at this point I was doomed. We're half a mile in.

County sheriff's are positioned at every turn. At our first turn, something begins it irk me. I'm a patriotic guy. Love this country and support our troops and police force. But I'm also one to roll my eyes at the hyper-patriotism that is sometimes prevalent. As we pass the first sheriff the guy right behind me yells out "Thank you sir!". Cool, no problem. Then we pass another sheriff. And another. And this guy won't shut up. And I just keep thinking to myself, "what a dweeb". This guy kept my a pace for the entire race. Then we hit the 1 mile sign and I realize that me hating on this guy silently to myself distracted me. For the time being I wasn't thinking about my legs. I didn't really feel any pain other than what was pulsing through my legs. I'm breathing hard, harder than anyone around me, but that's it. It's all a mind game, and there is only 2.1 miles left. I think I can do this. A jacked up, shirtless, Afro-American Hulk looking motherfricker who was running a good distance in front of me is suddenly walking. Best pecs I had ever seen. I pass him and smile.

You know those water cups volunteers hand out during the race? Waste of fricking time. They have stations scattered throughout the race. I think there were three total. As I approach I here "Water! Gatorade! Hydrate!". I reach out and grab a cup of water. I'm still running too fast and have what I assume to be horrible form. I bring my hand up to my mouth to drink and somehow miss in a spectacular fashion. I end up with a syringe worth of water in my mouth with the rest splashing my chest. I would try this later in the race with the same results. What's the secret to drinking while on the move? Another annoyance, I'm a new runner and even I know you don't throw your cup right in the middle of the race track. I'm dodging these cups at every hydration station. At some point shortly after the first water mishap I realize I haven't heard my app update me on my pace. I would find out after the race that my volume was muted. The phone I was awkwardly fumbling around throughout the race turned out to be completely useless, other than a short video I took. Around this point I begin to worry about my pace. Checking my phone manually felt too cumbersome, so I just trudged along oblivious. I know I'm going too fast and begin to scale it back a little bit. Before long we come upon the 2 mile sign. The first two miles blazed by. I've already bested the test race from Tuesday. Then things began to go south. The crowd around me begins to thin out. They have either gone ahead of me or slowed down more than I did. I turn the penultimate corner and BAM, a huge hill! I trudge to the top of the hill and for the first time I'm done running. After walking for around 30 seconds I pick up the pace to a slow jog. The crowd that seemed to disperse a quarter mile ago is suddenly back around me. I come down the other side of the hill with my new pack and see the finish line in the distance, probably about .3 miles down the stretch. Here I begin to see racers who already completed the race running back toward us shouting out words of encouragement. Feeling inspired, I pick up the pace from the slow jog I was on to a full on sprint. Up ahead the PA guy is blaring out the names of finishers. Now I realize why the instruction packet says to keep your bib visible. I smile and BOOK IT. As I cross the finish line I hear my name called. I look up at the monitor and I'm floored at the time.


Time: 27.40. I'm just as shocked as you.

I didn't realize it was possible to feel simultaneously so good and so bad. I was a air sucking mess after crossing the finish line. It took me a good 15 minutes before I was able to walk around upright. A bottle of Dasani (they splurged on the good stuff) and a wet towel decored with the emblem of a local credit union magically make it to my hands. I'm trapped in a vortex of euphoria for a good while.

I'll take questions now.

I believe you, the water thing convinced me, the phone being helluva cumbersome all reminded me of me.......well done sir.

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. I had no clue how to them the proper way, so I mostly just walked around and swung my arms about.

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Well done!

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I'll take questions now.

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any progress with the lady interest?