re: I just had the weirdest experience of my life

You're a good man Charlie Brown.

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I heard a strange noise. I walked to my living room and there was a woman in a night gown asleep on my floor.

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Found her cell phone under the coffee table

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Have you not seen the movie where the step mom gets stuck under the coffee table and the only way to get her out was with your dick?

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No. She didn't break anything or hurt me.

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All she has to do is say you assaulted her and that’s it.

lived on South Brightside in 1992, our next door neighbors were three LSU sorority girls

one Saturday night about 3AM one of my roommates starts yelling about something. We all get up and go to the door as he opened it, Standing in our door was 6’11 Geert Hammink. He had been banging on our door and yelling. He is very drunk, very angry and says “hey I’m Geert, where is Sarah?”

so we are in a pickle because Sarah is a neighbor, but we dont want to send this enormous drunk Dutchman to a woman’s apartment at 3AM and this is pre-cell phones. So a room mate goes next door and wakes the neighbors, Sarah is there and we tell her drunk Geert is next door looking for her. She walks over, comes to get him and brings him to her apartment. Our roommate in the loft could hear the neighbors apartment the best and he said it sounded like Geert tried to punch a hole in Sarah with his dick.

Reminds me of the time some dude came into my house while I was asleep. Talked to me while I was in bed, thought it was someone I knew partying at Fat Harry’s and needed a place to crash. Told him to sleep on the couch. Woke up and realize it wasn’t who I thought it was. Kicked him out after that.

Realized later it was the ex boyfriend of a girl I’d had on a date with before and the next week while I was in austin for the LSU game, one of my buddies apparently knew the guy and we called him from the bar we were at and fricked with him.

ETA: turns out he was just really fricked up.

And reading through this thread it seems like this is actually relatively common that people get so fricked up they just end up crashing on random peoples couches

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Happened to a friend, he and his wife woke up and there was a dude passed out on their couch. They made him breakfast and he said he just got too fricked up the night before and thought he was at his buddy’s house

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We have a conference down at South Padre Island every year. One time my boss brought his wife and her twin sister (they’re in their 60s, so no) and we got a condo. Boss and I would go out and do the conference they would beach.

One night I heard some commotion but went to sleep. Heard my boss and his wife’s voice figured they were just still up.

Next morning my boss apologized for the commotion but didn’t answer questions.

A few months later he told me that his wife’s sister was walking around the condo complex in her underwear completely out of her mind at 3 AM.

Fortunately her sister heard the door close and was able to find her after 30 minutes.

Completely normal lady. Not drunk or anything. Just had a break.

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Happened to me, but I got a guy who walked into my house around 4 am and crashed on my couch.

I heard someone open the door and looked out the door of my room and saw a random dude walking in. I had no idea what to do, so I just said, "hey... man" and played it cool and shut my door. Then I peaked back out and he was asleep on my sofa.

I went outside and saw he parked in between my house and my neighbors and figured he had the wrong house, so I went to them and asked if he was their friend and they said yes. So they came and got him. When they woke him up off my couch and explained it to him he kept saying, "I could have been shot." He was super drunk. His truck door was open with pee on the concrete and his phone in the console.

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all that and nobody seemed the least bit concerned that he drove home so drunk he didn’t close his truck door and ended up in the wrong house

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But if you have to lock your doors, it indicates a lawless society

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What the hell???

Lived in a house right off the square in Oxford. Came home to a Bama fan passed out in my roommates bed and another time a random guy on our couch. We didn’t even have keys to our own house though

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She had a nightgown on and was in your house? That means she got dressed at her house and then wondered to your house and fell asleep? Hmmmm. I’m not saying you’re lying but that is really weird.

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Could be a number of reasons. Dementia comes to mind.