re: I don't know what to do. I just want to end it

DL, speaking as someone who in just the last month was in a serious auto accident, totaling both cars, have suffered the loss of a close uncle a few days before Christmas, have dealt with the death of my wife's son (talked about here) just before New Year's and who was with his father when he died last Monday morning and buried him yesterday, your situation (just like mine) is temporary and not worth you giving up your life for. Being worn out from what life throws at you is natural. Believe me. I'm worn out from the emotional roller coaster and pain. We all get our share of challenges, but I promise you, God is not through with you and has a plan for you. There are people who may not be in your life today, but who will be someday, and they will be grateful and changed for the better by your deeds.

Hang in there and have faith.

I lost a 27 year marriage, was left with two kids to f8nish raising on my own, got laid off from 20 yr career, and had a couple of pretty wicked accidents that temporarily disabled. That all happened over a five year period. That was over ten years ago and I sure as hell had not planned on starting over in my 50's. Yes, I got depressed. Yes, I quickly learned that "our" friends were actually "her" friends. I even had one husband confide he cold not be around me per orders of his wife. The first thing I did was reach out to a couple of friends who had been there and had my true interest at heart. While waiting to be rehired, I did sone thing to keep some money coming in although I did not work full time. My first priority was to get a damned good lawyer for the divorce. Next, take care of the kids as best as I could and help them get out on their own. In t h e meanwhile the folks who laid me off all git fired. Seven months after being laid off, I got rehired with all seniority and benefits restored along with retirement. I finally got over just about all of the damage caused by the accidents. These days I have my adult children, I date when I want to, yep still get some pretty damned good pussy from time to time. I took a financial hit for a few years, but I am now in a much stronger posture than ever. I did go do some time with a therapist which was worth it. I have learned to be more selective about friends and not try to make impressions. The only ones I worry about impressions with are my children and that ugly bastard that keeps showing up in my mirror. It is a good opportunity for self-reflection, providing you are willing to be honest with yourself. It is a good time to look at redefining your perspective about live and bc what you want out of it. Simplicity is not a bad thing. I have had it all, lost a lot of it and got back what I turly bc wanted. I fInd myself more at peace these days. My faithful dog stayed by my side for the whoLe thing and is still there. Sometimes they're the on k y authentic creatutes around. Get rid of the drugs, get a lawyer to straighten out the business, go find a good therapist, take time to mourn the loss, din't stay holed up in the house all day. Don't go for another girlfriend until you straighten your own shite out. Find a life outside of work. You will live to enjoy retirement one day.

Be honest with yourself about your mistakes and try not to repeat them.

Slowly simplify your life until the stress is very minimal. At that point, that is all you need in life.

I am a lot older than you and if I could pull myself up by my bootstraps and reboot, so can you. Sometimes it is just not easy being a man, which is why our dads were a little tough on us ...... they knew.

If you need to right now, go to your nearest ER if you really feel suicidal and are not just attention seeking.

Answer one question .... why did your friends abandon you?

Ill come party with you on the catfish farm baw

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To clarify I don't drink or do drugs on a daily basis. Like I don't have a problem. I work my arse off during the week and don't touch anything and like to let loose on the weekend. 

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I was a binge drinker/user, too. I had to come to grips with the fact that I did not drink and use like others. I would drink just to get drunk. Eventually, the buzz on alcohol was not enough and I turned to drugs. When splitting a six pack, my friends would drink one while I drank three.

It sounds like you may have the same problem. It's not unusual for alcoholics and addicts to have suicidal thoughts. It's one way the disease of addiction kills. Everything you're saying I've said to myself.

I suggest that you go to an AA mtg close by. Introduce yourself as being at your first mtg. Then sit back and listen and see if someone else tells your story. After the mtg, talk to someone about how you're feeling and that you're having suicidal thoughts. See what they suggest.

Next, go talk to a professional counselor. They can provide insight and help.

Moving or getting a new job or taking a vacation will not solve anything. Your problems will follow you. After all, wherever you go, there you are.

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Go fishing.

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I need to get back to doing this. Bass fishing was my absolute favorite thing to do growing up.

I think I need to slow down on the weekend partying. It's become so routine over the past 7 years to go out every weekend get fricked up chase women. And it was fun. But it's kinda like that Hank song "all my rowdy friends have settled down." It's no fun by yourself. You come to realize it wasn't about the partying or women that made it so fun. It was about being with your friends.

I just wished I had toned it down a few years earlier because now I feel no matter what I change in my life that the perception of me by others won't change. I could invite my friends fishing for example and actually that's what we would do but their wives won't let them go because it's me and they won't believe we will be fishing they think I'll take them to the casino or titty bar or something that.

So that's what really gets me. I want to change my life go back to doing more things like fishing, hunting, etc but it's no fun alone. And find a good woman to settle down with. So I need to change how I'm perceived, mostly by local single women and my friends wives so I can have a social life again that's enjoyable. But I'm not sure I can change that perception or how to do it....other than moving away completely but right now that's not a feasible option.

Hell i have been sitting at the bar alone at a local restaurant eating then drinkkng a few beers collecting my thoughts during this entire thread. Some random person, don't know who, paid for my entire 60 dollar tab. Wish I knew who, cause that literally just made my day cause they don't know how much that act of kindness just made me feel. I needed that

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move somewhere far away. problem solved.

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My line of work won't allow this due to it being a very regional industry. And I'm highly respected in the local business community. I'm on numerous committees for local organizations and for my age it's impressive. My work and all that is probably the only thing that keeps me going. I love it

Dude I'm not trying to be a dick but I wish I had your problems.

I just got laid off my job. I have to pay my ex-wife almost 4000 a month and I have a 5 and 6 year old that I love dearly and I hardly ever get to see... I could go on and on

Hang in there Underdog

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Unless you have a felony, nah. Your good.

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No legal trouble. I have a lot of cop connections. Hell a month ago I smoked a bowl with a deputy sheriff and these douchebags were wanting to fight me over some girl I hooked up with that dating one of the guys. I didn't really know them. But anyways they were drunk and got my number from someone and wanted to meet at a bridge. So I got high with the sheriff then told him where they were and he left and arrested them all at the bridge for public drunk

Anyways what I meant by positive future is like settling down starting a family. I'll be fine career wise I'm not worried bout that. Just stressing over how to hide my assets and money because I'm unsure how much personal liability I will have if I have to file bankruptcy on this one particular business venture that's failing. I don't want to lose what I worked so hard to attain over one bad investment. Already put my truck and new ski boat in my parents name so they can't take them. Now just need to find a way to slowly get all my cash out of my bank account without being too obvious