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re: How much did you 'settle' for marriage?

Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:21 pm to
Posted by BeerMoney
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2012
9011 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:21 pm to
Let her walk. You just going to get a divorce anyway if you're not going willingly baw.
Posted by keakar
Member since Jan 2017
30152 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:22 pm to
i think women "settle", men just do the best they can and when you find one you get along with 70% of the time, then you put a ring on it
Posted by Bustedsack
Member since Dec 2017
4387 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:28 pm to
Move on. Ain't no bitch giving me an ultimatum on marriage. Her saying that tells me that, she isn't in love with you.
Posted by Captain Crackysack
Member since Oct 2017
2231 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:32 pm to
You're just a pioneer bro. One day domestic partnership will be acceptable, but it's still early in the game. Keep paving the way though. You're doing God's work.
Posted by Relham10
Ridge
Member since Jan 2013
21614 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:48 pm to
Biggly
Posted by Yewkindewit
Near Birmingham, Alabama
Member since Apr 2012
22029 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:53 pm to
You are just a ramblin man......
Posted by rpr4695
Member since May 2013
2132 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 2:58 pm to
DAD DON'T DO IT
Posted by LSUwag
Florida man
Member since Jan 2007
18145 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:00 pm to
Women have a need for permanent security while men don’t. Since you’re divorced and headed toward middle age, what’s the point of getting married now? I would be especially worried if you make considerably more or have more assets than her.

The bottom line is that getting married means that you are surrendering half of everything that you have.

I would tell her no and let her decide what her next move needs to be.
Posted by TurkeysAndBees
Member since Jan 2017
651 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:03 pm to
...three times, never settled but it took a long time to understand my own stupidity. Each wife was 12 to 20 years younger so settling wasn't in the picture... I knew my odds were low going into each. My own foolishness was clearly my worst enemy but understanding "why" I kept choosing the foolishness wasn't as simple as it looks.

This never helped me understand anything but if you haven't already heard this, here's a good analogy to ponder... The real life facts are that failure rate of a first marriage is at best 50%, second 67%, and third 73%. This is simple reality. So, if we KNEW FOR A FACT the failure rate of parachute is 50/50, would anybody even consider skydiving? ...anyone at all? I consider myself well-disciplined and fairly accomplished in all other endeavors and I've had very few failures in life otherwise. What is it that makes us think we're different enough from everyone else that we'll survive these miserable odds when it comes to marriage???
Posted by dbuchanon
Member since Nov 2014
21044 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:05 pm to
I'm on my 2nd, if this one doesnt work out I just figure Im the common denominator and Marriage isnt for me.
Posted by sjmabry
Texas
Member since Aug 2013
19080 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:08 pm to
I admit to being a tool during the first part of my marriage. I checked my ego and put pride to the side. Now, things are great and I’m more committed than ever. Find yourself first, and if you choose to not be committed, walk away.
This post was edited on 2/11/18 at 3:13 pm
Posted by TurkeysAndBees
Member since Jan 2017
651 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:08 pm to
quote:

The bottom line is that getting married means that you are surrendering half of everything that you have



JFYI, the "community", or what is split in divorce is ONLY what is accumulated from the point it begins. You lose nothing that was yours before you married. All of your property, real estate, financial holdings, savings, etc. you had before remain yours. Just make sure you keep documents like your real estate closures, titles, etc. You can still prove everything with bank records, searching titles, etc. but it makes it easier if you already have records.
Posted by DrunkerThanThou
Unfortunately Mississippi
Member since Feb 2013
2846 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:11 pm to
True but there are plenty of people out there a person can potentially fall in love with. some might be better "matches" but the point is that love is built over time with someone you are more or less compatible with. No such things as love at first sight then its all smooth sailing.
Posted by DavidTheGnome
Monroe
Member since Apr 2015
31597 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:13 pm to
quote:

True but there are plenty of people out there a person can potentially fall in love with. some might be better "matches" but the point is that love is built over time with someone you are more or less compatible with. No such things as love at first sight then its all smooth sailing.



It’s best when the couple was friends first then started dating. Imo a "soulmate" is love + friendship. Marriages go south when they are missing at least one of the two.
Posted by LeroyBrown
South Side Of Chicago
Member since Jul 2017
588 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:14 pm to
I have been divorced for about 10 years. I do not have a true interest in getting married again, and have always said that I guess I would consider it if someone put a gun to my head. Hearing this story makes me feel glad that it is not me.
Posted by fishfighter
RIP
Member since Apr 2008
40026 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:17 pm to
I married a country girl and a good one at that. The first 10 years of being married, I gave that woman hell. Some would say she is a saint. After that, I caught hell for 10 years. Then after that, the last 18 years has been great.

We never disrespect each other. Yes, there was bitching, but we never cross that line of no return. That is called love and respect. Never went to bed mad without talking out first. It's always a work in progress, but it gets easy as years go on.
Posted by molsusports
Member since Jul 2004
37680 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:19 pm to
You can't marry a woman who demands you marry her. That's agreeing to let her make all of the important decisions from that point forward.

Ultimately she won't be happy either. Most people think they want to make all of the household decisions but they won't respect a person who lets them make all of the decisions.
Posted by Miketheseventh
Member since Dec 2017
7116 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:22 pm to
If you don’t want to get married then don’t. Life is all about having to make tough decisions sometimes
Posted by TurkeysAndBees
Member since Jan 2017
651 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:27 pm to
quote:

I admit to being a tool during the first part of my marriage. I checked my ego and put pride to the side. Now, things are great...


This is the best approach... refuse to let your ego, pride, or need to be right endanger your family. Good luck to you...

My first two lasted 6 and 8 years respectively. I was also a "tool" but decided to commit, all in, on the third. Even though she was 20 years younger, it was pretty solid for 18 years but when she hit 40, the "changes"...hormones, etc.. it was a full blown mad-house of illogical, maniacal, devilish, insanity. Never saw it coming nor did I expect it. Sometimes, even though you hold up your end perfectly, you just can't predict the future or control a woman's brain if or when it malfunctions. Mental illness from chemical imbalance is very real and much more insidious and devastating than you'd realize until you experience it.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 2/11/18 at 3:34 pm to
quote:

I've always expressed that I'm committed but don't see a reason to get 'married'.


And what has her stance been on marriage the past 3 years?
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