re: How do you deal with suicidal depression

I'm hear if you need an open ear.

If it really bad go to the ER and get admitted.

I hope you read this....

Many people don’t want to end their life. They just want to end the life they have right now.

Don’t be scared to make the change. Whether it be a job, relationship, business issues, anything- it’s ok to make a change.

I’m really hoping he comes back into this thread at some point today

Really hoping you didn’t make the wrong decision! We all hope to hear from you today.

It all centers in the mind. Depression is a true illness. It tells you things that are not true, it wants to isolate you and make you think horrible things, leading you into the mindset you are in at the moment!

Therapist, discuss with a close friend, start walking and doing something to stress your self physically, get out of the house and do anything. And.......meds to help with the chemical imbalance that has developed to feel depressed and anxious. Remember, lots of people who love you as well.

I’ll be fine. Appreciate the kind words from y’all. Taking a break for a while

stay off the poliboard for a while (possibly forever) would be my first suggestion

Smoke weed

quote:

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I’ll be fine. Appreciate the kind words from y’all. Taking a break for a while

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Apologies in advance for this being a novel. Nguyener I hope this post helps you with what you're going through.

Part 1

I am a previous poster here (Yes I was banned after making posts I later regretted. I would love to rejoin but in the least please let this stay up for at least a little bit before banning me again) who still reads these forums regularly. Reading your post shook me to my very core as your post could have easily been one that I made. For years now I've gone in between phases of being okay, being hopeless, being angry and being downright miserable. But more than anything else, the feeling that I've personally had to fight for years now was the feeling of being alone. Of being depressed and extremely lonely. I'm guessing your feelings are very similar.

For me personally reading your post and reminiscing on some past memories finally caused my facade to collapse. For awhile now I have felt extremely isolated, lonely, anxious, depressed and hopeless. But I've been trying to keep up the facade to family and friends. I was just crying for the better part of an hour and finally was able to compose myself to write this message.

I'm 37 years old now and I've made some horrible mistakes in my life. Being introverted life has always been tough, but what's made life far more difficult is being closed off to the world. My greatest weakness is that I'm a perfectionist and I'm my own worst critic. I constantly compare myself to others and how I've fallen short. Besides that though my second greatest weakness is that I don't open myself up to the world. I'm always too afraid of being hurt and I'm not the type who trusts people easily. I've always felt out of place in a crowd or with a group. I've always hated how I can never be funny even though one of my best friends (in many ways one of my only true friends) says I actually have a witty dry sense of humor. She told me it doesn't come out immediately but it's there and people I worked with always enjoyed working with me because I was funny and down to earth. I guess it's hard for me to see my own qualities, but damn is it easy for me to see my own faults.

I consider myself a pretty talentless individual. I mean I've been told I do make people feel welcome and at ease which I guess could be considered a talent. But in terms of real talent my only talent was high school tennis. I wasn't good enough to continue it into college though I started playing really late (when I was 12). One of the coaches I took lessons with thinks if I had started earlier I could've been pretty good. I didn't play for 12 years though and just started picking it up a few years ago. While I do love it I get really frustrated when I don't play good. When that happens my inner demon comes through and constantly reminds me "you even suck at tennis. how talentless are you when you aren't that great at the one thing you were okay with?" In many ways I am my own worst enemy.

Dating has always been a struggle for me as well and it's where I have my biggest regrets. I regret the women I might've had a chance with. I regret chances I was too afraid to take. I'm 37 years old and I've never had sex. I fear I'm going to become a real life 40 year old virgin, just without the cool collection of toys and action figures worth millions of dollars like in the Steve Carrell movie. My virginity has come to define me in my love life, or lack of it. At first I tried being the absolute nice guy, doing everything for a woman. All that got me was a lot of "I really enjoy our time together, you seem like a nice guy and would like to hang out but I just see us as friends". I was the king of getting "friend zoned". Then I became bitter and went full Red Pill/Incel/MGTOW. Some of my posts here were during that horrible phase. I was warped into that lifestyle for years and actually at one point became convinced that I was lucky. That I had been spared the divorce court rape/alimony rape and other things. In theory I was delusional, I don't have near enough money for any women to marry me for money. The only thing the Red Pill/Incel/MGTOW thing did for me was cost me more years of dating and even just finding friends. I truly believed in it until the last year when the loneliness took over and I realized being alone is now how God ever intended us to live.