re: Having a birthday party every year for a dead baby

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God I can't believe you compared your dog dying to losing a child

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I know the person meant well, but ... yeah.

Someone who'd been one of my best friends growing up compared how I felt after my son's death with how depressed she'd been when her son went to college. I didn't speak to her for ten years after that. I know that seems extreme, but she also lives elsewhere and we don't ever happen to run into each other. I just never called, emailed or texted.

Prior to the birth of my child, I would have said this is creepy. Now, I understand her point of view and I am just a dad. I don't think my wife and I would ever recover if something happened to our daughter and she is only 5 months old.

It is tough to explain the love for a child to someone that doesn't have children.

Our daughter's birthday was last Saturday.
She would have been 1.

It was a somber time at the house but we bought some cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to our baby girl who is no longer with us.

We did it to not only honor her existence but to help our 4 year old son understand that even though someone isn't with us, we can still celebrate their having been here.

As mentioned before in this thread - everyone processes the death of a child differently. I used to have a snarky attitude about it until I joined the ranks of grieving parent.
"Whatever gets you through" is the motto we live by.

Also, receiving presents on here late child's behalf and donating them sounds like a wonderful way to honor her baby.

One of the hardest struggles of losing a child is that like most tragedies, the outside world has a "limit" to the amount that they can sympathize with a loss. They often want the parent to move on or past the loss. This isn't possible because every day brings a new milestone that your child will never reach, that you will never experience.

Some people lose children and the people in their lives act as though that child never existed because it is too sad or painful or awkward to process. This makes a grieving parent feel very alone and as result, there is a desire to remind those around them that their child was, in fact, here and did touch lives in their brief existence.

I will never again judge or question these actions.
Whatever gets you through.

Thanks, G.

And thanks to all for the sympathy expressed here. Sabi, Paige, tigger, soccer, FlBoo. I've always known that I am one of the lucky ones who had great family and friends who supported us completely for all of Matthew's life and after his death.

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One of the hardest struggles of losing a child is that like most tragedies, the outside world has a "limit" to the amount that they can sympathize with a loss. They often want the parent to move on or past the loss. This isn't possible because every day brings a new milestone that your child will never reach, that you will never experience

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I know I'm ignorant on the matter (thank God), but this seems right to me.

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

I may have to leave this thread. I don't know if I can deal.

Got Dang. These stories, today's my daughters 6th birthday. I could give a shite about my life, its all about our children. Sorry for ya'lls losses.

Sincere condolences. You've expressed yourself very well. *hugs*

A year or two. That's what I thought when about my mom when my older sister died. I thought the same thing when another sister lost her son. Little did I know then that I would be next in the family to lose a child. It's been almost 12 years and some days it feels like it happened a moment ago. I wouldn't wish the loss of a child on the devil himself. All we ask is that others just let us be who we have become, forever changed. Thanks.

Ugh. I bet folks feel awkward about this and dread going.

She can grieve how she wants but folks shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to be a part of a dead child's birthday party.

Chad504boy, you sound just like me, until I lost my 22 year old son.