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re: Have any of your parents or in laws married quickly after death of spouse?
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:10 am to Wermanium
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:10 am to Wermanium
Sometimes us older people have a more realistic attitude about marriage. It's a fun way to live for most people. We don't date but we know widowed women we would marry in a heart beat. We think more like folks in the 1800's. "Becky I am sorry Zeke got stomped to death. Could you see your way clear to marry me?"
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Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:10 am to Interweb Cowboy
quote:
That wasn't a surprise, the surprise for me was who, he married his best friends widow, they had been best friends as couples for over 40 years.
This isn't that uncommon. Working in a hospital in South Florida with a lot of elderly patients I've heard this story a few dozen times in the 4 years I've been there. It makes sense that both are probably comfortable in their lifetime role of spouse and know each other well and have probably been attracted in some capacity to each other for years... Or they just don't want to be alone and it's convenient.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:17 am to Wermanium
quote:
My grandfather started dating his high school sweetheart about six months after my grandmother passed away. Her husband had already passed away too. Funny thing is that both had still kept all their love letters from each other in high school. Both had been married for over 50 years too.
Damn... Thats like some Hollywood type stuff
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:26 am to St Augustine
My grandmother reconnected with an old boyfriend after my grandfather died. It was strictly platonic, they were both very advanced in age. The freaky thing is he contacted her out of the blue shortly after the funeral. He said he sensed she was in trouble.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:31 am to Jim Rockford
I'll never judge someone harshly for how they act after losing a spouse, regardless of their age. I have no idea how I'd react. And, I doubt it would be what most would call "normal".
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:38 am to hashtag
quote:
I'll never judge someone harshly for how they act after losing a spouse, regardless of their age. I have no idea how I'd react. And, I doubt it would be what most would call "normal".
THIS is the correct answer and, while I try to be nice to people, I have absolute contempt for any frick head that thinks it is their place to judge someone in a situation like this.
The OT always amazes. They will jump someone's arse for making a judgement on another guys wardrobe (the famous "who gives a shite, you must be a Beta") yet they are ready to make a judgement on this.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:40 am to jbgleason
quote:
Damn... Thats like some Hollywood type stuff
What if I told you they both were named Merlene?
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:48 am to West Monroe
My grandfather started having long phone conversations with a lady about 3 weeks after my grandmother died. She was a widow and they knew each other through mutual friends. Six months later they married and they were ecstatically happy for 15 years until he passed away. Sure, it was a little unsettling at first for the rest of the family, but we wouldn't have traded his happiness for anything in the world. And we gained a new extended family.
One issue that I've seen come up in other families is splitting up the household goods. I've seen family feuds start because the new wife gave her predecessors china to her own daughter instead of the deceased woman's family. My grandparents made a decision that whatever was each of theirs before the marriage would go to that side of the family and anything aquired after the marriage would be split. I think that makes sense.
One issue that I've seen come up in other families is splitting up the household goods. I've seen family feuds start because the new wife gave her predecessors china to her own daughter instead of the deceased woman's family. My grandparents made a decision that whatever was each of theirs before the marriage would go to that side of the family and anything aquired after the marriage would be split. I think that makes sense.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:48 am to West Monroe
When my grandpa was 5 days old his dad was killed in a logging accident.
There was a guy that lived close who had been widowed 6 months prior and had 3 young children.
My great grandma, infant grandpa, and grandpa older sister (2 years older) moved in with them and 6 months later they were married.
They ended up having a good marriage and all the kids step and biological (they had 2 more after the marriage) grew up all being treated the same.
There was a guy that lived close who had been widowed 6 months prior and had 3 young children.
My great grandma, infant grandpa, and grandpa older sister (2 years older) moved in with them and 6 months later they were married.
They ended up having a good marriage and all the kids step and biological (they had 2 more after the marriage) grew up all being treated the same.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 11:53 am to CountryVolFan
Not related to them, but my landlord in school married the nurse that took care of his dying wife. She seemed like a gold digger. Whole thing was offputting.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 12:28 pm to West Monroe
When my dad passed away my mom started "dating" the douche she ended up marrying a few years later.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 4:02 pm to Dam Guide
quote:
Old single ladies are primed and ready to go, old folks homes are worse than college dorms.
I don't know how true this is but a number of people have told me that the #1 health issue at places like The Villages is STDs.
Good for them...
Posted on 12/30/16 at 4:28 pm to West Monroe
quote:
Another interesting deal was seeing all the single/widow church ladies making the move for father in law.
My mom talks about how the very same thing happened when her mom died back in the 50's. She and her sisters didn't like it either. Back then some men had to have a wife to take care of them. Some men in that generation, and the next, never cooked or cleaned. My dad is 85 now and he never did, except for his time in the Army.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 4:49 pm to West Monroe
This has happened with several of my parents' friends, all the widowers who had happy long marriages and remarried quickly mostly to women who were friends with the wife or in the inner circle.
I thought it was strange at first until I had a close friend do the same thing. His wife had cancer and was sick on and off for several years. He actually started dating someone else about 4 months after she passed away and eventually married her just short of a year after his wife passed away. I was concerned it was too quick, but I also knew he was absolutely miserable alone. He really loved his wife. He and his wife were very close and did a lot together as they had similar interests. Personality wise, he's a highly intelligent very strong person. Going home to an empty home every night was too much for him, though. He also explained to me that while his wife was sick, it was very much like having been alone for several years. I finally got it. I understood. He was very lucky to have found the girl he found. They are extremely happy, though he talks about his first wife quite often.
I can understand how that's difficult for children to understand, but adult children need to take a step back and think of it from the parent's point of view. Surely, they want their parents to have a happy life.
Now, I sort of look at it from a different viewpoint. These people had good relationships and they know what a good relationship is and they favor that over being alone. One point of view is to look at it as a tribute to the deceased spouse in that the one left behind wants to be happy again as he or she was with the lost spouse.
Your wife needs to put on her big girl panties and be happy for her father and be nice to the new spouse. She's not taking her mother's place. She doesn't want to, I'm sure. Don't make it hard for them to have a happy life. Her mother is not forgotten, but rather somewhat celebrated in the new relationship. Don't make her father choose. He's going to choose to be happy. Don't make him feel badly for wanting to be happy. Remember that the alternative could be dying prematurely of a broken heart.
I thought it was strange at first until I had a close friend do the same thing. His wife had cancer and was sick on and off for several years. He actually started dating someone else about 4 months after she passed away and eventually married her just short of a year after his wife passed away. I was concerned it was too quick, but I also knew he was absolutely miserable alone. He really loved his wife. He and his wife were very close and did a lot together as they had similar interests. Personality wise, he's a highly intelligent very strong person. Going home to an empty home every night was too much for him, though. He also explained to me that while his wife was sick, it was very much like having been alone for several years. I finally got it. I understood. He was very lucky to have found the girl he found. They are extremely happy, though he talks about his first wife quite often.
I can understand how that's difficult for children to understand, but adult children need to take a step back and think of it from the parent's point of view. Surely, they want their parents to have a happy life.
Now, I sort of look at it from a different viewpoint. These people had good relationships and they know what a good relationship is and they favor that over being alone. One point of view is to look at it as a tribute to the deceased spouse in that the one left behind wants to be happy again as he or she was with the lost spouse.
Your wife needs to put on her big girl panties and be happy for her father and be nice to the new spouse. She's not taking her mother's place. She doesn't want to, I'm sure. Don't make it hard for them to have a happy life. Her mother is not forgotten, but rather somewhat celebrated in the new relationship. Don't make her father choose. He's going to choose to be happy. Don't make him feel badly for wanting to be happy. Remember that the alternative could be dying prematurely of a broken heart.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 5:37 pm to Gris Gris
Man it's good to be the king at the retirement community,
My dad had the ladies lined up. Got hit on by the welcome wagon. Mom died at the beginning of the month and Dad called to let us know he was getting married on the 17th of the month. Wound up getting married 6 months later after the sisters put up a fuss
My dad had the ladies lined up. Got hit on by the welcome wagon. Mom died at the beginning of the month and Dad called to let us know he was getting married on the 17th of the month. Wound up getting married 6 months later after the sisters put up a fuss
Posted on 12/30/16 at 6:32 pm to West Monroe
Friend of mine's mom died after a long battle with cancer and his dad married his dead best friend's widow 6 months later
That was a bit weird but they're ok with it.
That was a bit weird but they're ok with it.
Posted on 12/30/16 at 6:35 pm to West Monroe
Yep. First lady he dated after my Mom passed (~6 months). Proposed after their third date. They've been married since 1981, so the short courtship didn't hurt. 
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