re: Have Any of You Married a Cluster B Personality Disorder (Narcissistic, Borderline,etc)?

15 years in with what eventually I learned was an expert “covert narcissist”. We have a daughter with serious congenital medical issues which were difficult to manage from day one and still to this day. She manipulated everything and everyone. She manipulated her way to using our daughter against me. Even basically kidnapped her to another state and changed my daughter’s phone number and wasn’t returned to me until a judge threatened to lock my ex up. She’s since convinced my daughter that I was 100% the cause for all problems and my daughter barely wants to speak with me anymore and unfortunately is developing similar signs of manipulative personality. It’s very sad and hard to deal with daily

Young Baws, we need to take a step back and think beyond the ol’ HW.

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I think the Narcissist vs BPD argument has a lot to do with intent. The narcissist seems far more INTENTIONALLY malevolent whereas the BPD seems to be more subconscious and reactive. The BPD may have a fully formed conscience and regret their behavior, they are just unable to regulate their emotions. The narcissist can behave in a truly INTENTIONAL evil manner, appear rational and charming to the world, and actively target and destroy their spouse.

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Why I don't put most Latinas in that category.

They have empathy. A LOT of it. Truly incredibly compassionate women.

But then there's other times... Oh, and A LOT of those other times too

Latinas ,, Latins are incredibly passionate culturally... almost like its an excuse like the Irish and drinking .. or other cultures that do things that seem irrational but they embrace it and celebrate it

well Latinas live up to the rep in other regards ,,very nurturing/protective

the whole family orientation extends to all loved ones

Let me guess....the sex was amazing in the early parts of your relationship?

Most women worth fricking thousands of times are in this category.

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15 years in with what eventually I learned was an expert “covert narcissist”. We have a daughter with serious congenital medical issues which were difficult to manage from day one and still to this day. She manipulated everything and everyone. She manipulated her way to using our daughter against me. Even basically kidnapped her to another state and changed my daughter’s phone number and wasn’t returned to me until a judge threatened to lock my ex up. She’s since convinced my daughter that I was 100% the cause for all problems and my daughter barely wants to speak with me anymore and unfortunately is developing similar signs of manipulative personality. It’s very sad and hard to deal with daily

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Damn Wayne, that's rough. No one deserves that.

boobs

we like to touch boobs

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My buddy told me a story of the dissolution of his marriage to a Covert Narcissist that was harrowing and made me wonder how he
didn't eat a gun. I'll spare details but let's say the defining characteristics were

1. False allegations. Taking a true molehill and making a false mountain.
2. Raging insane daily screaming verbal abuse
3. Reputation destruction. Total utter destruction. Family friends and neighbors. Scorched earth.
4. The creation of flying monkeys to do dirty work. Lasting for years.
5. Annihilation within the family unit-weaponizing children.

His response: Silence. The only response where you don't end up in prison.

I think the Narcissist vs BPD argument has a lot to do with intent. The narcissist seems far more INTENTIONALLY malevolent whereas the BPD seems to be more subconscious and reactive. The BPD may have a fully formed conscience and regret their behavior, they are just unable to regulate their emotions. The narcissist can behave in a truly INTENTIONAL evil manner, appear rational and charming to the world, and actively target and destroy their spouse.

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Jesus, this is so accurate.

My ex wife did every one of these things. Called my coworkers and family to run me down with 100% false allegations. Had "friends" of hers running me down publicly on her behalf. And these were people who had not only never met me, I never even heard of them. Never once knew their names. Yet they publicly talked about how "emotionally, verbally, and borderline physically abusive" I was. I was always puzzled as how someone could be "borderline physically abusive." Seems like you either are or you aren't.
I never once EVER came close to physically abusing or assaulting her. She, however, slapped me right before the end and bit me as well a couple years before. Then joked about the bite marks and scars later as if it was no big deal.

The manipulation and requirement to control every situation and align it within her own narrative was unbelievable.

Silence is truly the only response with these people, like you said. And, coincidentally, that is what gets under their skin more than anything.

I'm deeply sorry, man. Everyone, man or woman who deals with this shite, goes through the same thing. It's uncanny. Again, why men victims commit suicide and women victims sit in dark rooms eating twinkies. The capacity we have to hurt each other is virtually unlimited.