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re: Has anyone dealt with a sibling treating their own mother like shite due to their spouse?

Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:47 pm to
Posted by themasterpater
I travel
Member since Sep 2014
1347 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:47 pm to
So he just says I cut mom off, I have no idea why, but we can talk about that as much as you'd like?
Posted by UKWildcats
Lexington, KY
Member since Mar 2015
18807 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:48 pm to
So far based on everything you've posted it definitely comes across as the SIL is the problem. tOT cant help any more really unless we know whether your mom did/said something to cause this, or whether your SIL is just a narcissistic bitch like she's coming across. The only thing I personally would do would be to have a one on one man to man conversation with your brother telling him to sack the frick up here or to explain his wife's behavior. My guess is you've already done that. Beyond that, just be there for your mom man.
Posted by shoelessjoe
Member since Jul 2006
11177 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:51 pm to
quote:

But best thing you can do it support your mom in letting her know she has zero rights to be involved in his family’s life.


I think she knows that already. The issue is when “invited” she is made to feel uninvited as he won’t speak to her, his wife definitely has an attitude towards her and doesn’t speak to her. She does go to see her grandkids. Then leaves upset because things never will change but keeps going to eat shite. It’s mentally draining and just wish she had the strength to tell them no.
Posted by shoelessjoe
Member since Jul 2006
11177 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:52 pm to
quote:

My guess is you've already done that.


Numerous times to no avail.
Posted by shoelessjoe
Member since Jul 2006
11177 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:56 pm to
quote:

So he just says I cut mom off, I have no idea why, but we can talk about that as much as you'd like?

No, he hasn’t cut mom off. Just refuses to acknowledge her at all. I stopped all communication from him when he refused to man up and see what was happening with my mom’s feelings. To not come to see my mom for her birthday or Mother’s Day but tell her to stop to come get your gift, when you are not welcomed, wax the last straw for me with him. Never texts her never calls her. Mom texts and mom calls.
Posted by themasterpater
I travel
Member since Sep 2014
1347 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:57 pm to
You say he's not afraid, and then say

"He is definitely afraid to tell his wife"
Posted by sparkinator
Lake Claiborne
Member since Dec 2007
4976 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:58 pm to
It is tiring, but I’ve accepted my families fate. I hate to ‘lose’ a son, but I don’t care anything about having my daughter in law around to infect everyone else.

And he doesn’t want anything to do with anyone that he was friends or family before he met her.
Posted by altTD
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2022
131 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:06 pm to
In my family it’s caused by my mom trying to be helpful by meddling and telling her children and their spouse what they should or shouldn’t do. My mom is the smartest and has the most wisdom in the room that she happens to be in at any given time. Her helpful tips and comments have a way of making people feel judged and insulted even though she’s just trying to help. Some family members get upset. I just open up the archives and bring up some bad decision my mother made at some point in her life and humble her. The others just avoid her and she cannot understand why.

For Thanksgiving my SIL made a sweet potato casserole which was delicious. Everyone was saying how good it was. My mother asked how much salt did the recipe call for? SIL said 1/4 tsp. Mom said to try 1/2 tsp next time and it will be perfect.

I could give a million examples. Over time these little things beat people down to the point where they want nothing to do with the other person and it starts fracturing the entire family because everyone is almost forced to take a side. It’s hell.

ETA: My father is the one who really suffers the most. He just wants everyone to be happy.
This post was edited on 12/21/25 at 3:18 pm
Posted by KajunLass
Member since Apr 2022
485 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:07 pm to
I've said this many, many times. . .

I'm glad I was an only child.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
148375 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:07 pm to
Kick his arse for being a dick wad. Just don’t make it out to be anything about family this family that. Assholes could always use an asskicking. If it helps or not
Posted by shagnasty 2
Not far enough away
Member since Nov 2013
1073 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:10 pm to
It seems like most of these situations it’s the female that causes the issue. And usually there is a male that won’t stand up to them. Happens in my family too. I called them out on it, but maybe that’s why they don’t invite me over anymore..
This post was edited on 12/21/25 at 3:14 pm
Posted by bayoubengals88
LA
Member since Sep 2007
23496 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:19 pm to
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but some people’s parents are more emotionally immature than their teenage and adult children, and they’re often quite difficult (if not impossible) to deal with. Nothing to say other than “it sucks”.
Posted by SUB
Silver Tier TD Premium
Member since Jan 2009
24799 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:20 pm to
Maybe yall could act like adults and sit down and air your grievances? Talk to your brother and explain the stress it’s having on y’all’s family and ask to just have everyone meet and talk about everything. You can even get a mediator to help.
Posted by dinosaur
Louisiana
Member since Aug 2007
1156 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:21 pm to
If it makes you feel better, I have seen this a lot and eventually her own children will not want to have anything to do with her once they leave home. But for now, just have to put up with it.
Posted by bayoubengals88
LA
Member since Sep 2007
23496 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:22 pm to
quote:

My mother asked how much salt did the recipe call for? SIL said 1/4 tsp. Mom said to try 1/2 tsp next time and it will be perfect.
That’s shitty. You get that right?
That’s not “smartest person in the room material”
That’s “zero awareness/emotional intelligence material”.
Your mom was so pissed that someone else was getting praise that she had to speak up to shite all over the person receiving praise.

That’s bitter as frick.
Posted by forkedintheroad
Member since Feb 2025
1547 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:27 pm to
quote:

He called my mom to tell her he had her Mother’s Day gift earlier this year to stop by and get it.


The frick? You get your mom a gift, you don't tell her to "come get it", you take it to her and you spend time with her.

This alone tells me the issue is not just your brother's spouse. Your brother is part of the problem if not all of it.
Posted by shagnasty 2
Not far enough away
Member since Nov 2013
1073 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:28 pm to
Yeah this sounds like my sister. Anything someone does good she has to tell them how to do it better even if it doesn’t make it better. She can’t stand the most of us cook better than her.
Posted by Sofaking2
Member since Apr 2023
19533 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:33 pm to
quote:

Has anyone dealt with a sibling treating their own mother like shite due to their spouse?

Your brother is responsible for his own behavior. His wife isn’t an excuse. He is choosing to do what he wants.
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
13492 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:36 pm to
quote:

fracturing the entire family because everyone is almost forced to take a side. It’s hell
My father is the one who really suffers the most. He just wants everyone to be happy.

He's the only one with the power in this situation. There is fully a 1/3 of this board is on board with "happy wife, happy life, at any cost." Your situation is indicative of what this turns into. Yes, he's the only one that has to live with her, but he's paying the consequences.
Posted by PsychTiger
Member since Jul 2004
107174 posts
Posted on 12/21/25 at 3:45 pm to
My sister and brother-in-law largely ceased contact with my mother at one point, but that’s mostly due to my mother being an unintentional bitch.
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