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re: Has anyone dealt with a sibling treating their own mother like shite due to their spouse?
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:21 pm to shoelessjoe
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:21 pm to shoelessjoe
Then it sounds like everyone is better off without them around honestly.
Provide support to your mom and help her understand that, and while ur at it give your brother a good beating.
He deserves it marrying that count.
Provide support to your mom and help her understand that, and while ur at it give your brother a good beating.
He deserves it marrying that count.
0
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:22 pm to shoelessjoe
Yes. It is best to not get involved. It will not end well under any circumstances.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:23 pm to SallysHuman
quote:
I imagine that's near impossible for her. Just be sure you and your sister are extra attentive to try to pick up some of that slack.
We do and will always do that until she closes her eyes.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:25 pm to UptownJoeBrown
quote:
In my experience dealing with divorces as an attorney, it’s always the spouse or girl/boyfriend that cause the issues between blood or the spouses going through a divorce or child issues.
It’s a huge red flag when there’s no clear event to trigger the split that the spouse (male or female, usually female) is a narcissist trying to keep family and friends away from their victim to maintain control via isolation.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:26 pm to shoelessjoe
Sounds like your brother's wife is toxic, some form of an attention seeking individual, maybe narcissistic or adjacent. Your brother, hate to say it, sounds kinda weak for letting it slide. He hides his weakness behind the notion of trying to keep his immediate family together. You see the same shite with women who stay with toxic douchebag aholes...."but I love him, I don't want to cause pain or blow anything up"....no you're just using those excuses as a reason to hide and stay small.
With that being said I've seen moms and dads say things to their kids "out of care" and it's nothing more than an insult disguised as "guidance". Then when consequences come, parents act like they have "no idea" where it comes from. Nobody owes their parents access to their lives just because they're parents. Parents are people too, maybe good people, maybe shitty people.
Your mom probably said something. Something halfway benign, keyword halfway. Your brother and his spouse probably took it as a shot at their family, and now cut her off. Your mom may be pretending she has no idea, but she probably has some idea. A lot of people will say "I never meant to hurt you" sounds nice, but that's kinda like saying "my bad, I didn't mean to 3rd degree burn you"...then take zero accountability for the damage they did, they only track their intentions, not actual impact to the other person.
Your mom may have burned them. Your brother and wife may have over reacted. Your brother may not have the strength to do what it takes, stand up to both mom and wife. Avoidance is easier for people short term. It puts the load on surrounding loved ones, then eventually that payment comes due....which sounds soon on your end.
With that being said I've seen moms and dads say things to their kids "out of care" and it's nothing more than an insult disguised as "guidance". Then when consequences come, parents act like they have "no idea" where it comes from. Nobody owes their parents access to their lives just because they're parents. Parents are people too, maybe good people, maybe shitty people.
Your mom probably said something. Something halfway benign, keyword halfway. Your brother and his spouse probably took it as a shot at their family, and now cut her off. Your mom may be pretending she has no idea, but she probably has some idea. A lot of people will say "I never meant to hurt you" sounds nice, but that's kinda like saying "my bad, I didn't mean to 3rd degree burn you"...then take zero accountability for the damage they did, they only track their intentions, not actual impact to the other person.
Your mom may have burned them. Your brother and wife may have over reacted. Your brother may not have the strength to do what it takes, stand up to both mom and wife. Avoidance is easier for people short term. It puts the load on surrounding loved ones, then eventually that payment comes due....which sounds soon on your end.
This post was edited on 12/21/25 at 2:37 pm
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:26 pm to shoelessjoe
good lord this thread is depressing sorry you are going through this. It sounds like there’s a common denominator among the broken relationships though. If there’s not a legitimate reason for it there’s not much you can do
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:27 pm to shoelessjoe
My sister separated herself from our family after my other sister passed away.
She and her husband claim that all kinds of wrongs were done to them by my mother (not Dad), and he says he ‘never felt accepted in our family’ even though we welcomed him speaking at our dead sister’s memorial service, took in his 3 children from 3 women, mom & dad bailed them out of debt multiple times and went above and beyond with their special needs son when he was young. He also had the gall to ask me if I minded that he missed my wedding to go to a NASCAR race.
My mother isn’t perfect- my brother and I both agree on that, but she and Dad are always there when we need them and show nothing but support and help.
This has been going on for years- the husband also isolated their family from his own parents, so it seems that nothing will ever be enough for them. It sucks, but if she ever changes her mind and decides to come around, we’ll welcome her back.
She and her husband claim that all kinds of wrongs were done to them by my mother (not Dad), and he says he ‘never felt accepted in our family’ even though we welcomed him speaking at our dead sister’s memorial service, took in his 3 children from 3 women, mom & dad bailed them out of debt multiple times and went above and beyond with their special needs son when he was young. He also had the gall to ask me if I minded that he missed my wedding to go to a NASCAR race.
My mother isn’t perfect- my brother and I both agree on that, but she and Dad are always there when we need them and show nothing but support and help.
This has been going on for years- the husband also isolated their family from his own parents, so it seems that nothing will ever be enough for them. It sucks, but if she ever changes her mind and decides to come around, we’ll welcome her back.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:29 pm to UptownJoeBrown
quote:
In my experience dealing with divorces as an attorney
I'm confused. Mingo says you're not an attorney.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:31 pm to shoelessjoe
Yep, and you can't do a thing about it.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:32 pm to themasterpater
quote:
Your mom probably said something. Something halfway benign, keyword halfway.
Perhaps, but I know my mother never said anything that warrants her being cut off for over 10 years and when asked what happened, nobody could say what it was. I mean something that horrible, you would think could be remembered. I just wish that if it was said, someone could say what it was that was said or done that could be ironed out.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:33 pm to shoelessjoe
quote:
My father was dying in the hospital and she cursed my wife out. When the funeral was being planned, my brother asked me to have the gathering, after the funeral at a neutral place because his wife didn’t want to come to my mom’s home.
People actually tolerate this kind of shite in real life?
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:37 pm to shoelessjoe
quote:
My mother taught her and housed her when she left her parents house because of disagreements. Now she is made to feel like she was used and my brother plays along with it.
Now we see the problem. Your Sis- in -law is a narcissistic control freak who will always be the victim. Do what you think is right but she’s the issue at the core.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:38 pm to shoelessjoe
My son is estranged from his entire family. He only talks to my mom maybe twice a year, but hasn’t spoken to any other family member in about a year and a half. It’s been 2 years for me. He has nothing to do with any of his friends he had before he met his wife. No contact whatsoever. Doesn’t contact any of his 4 siblings.
His wife wants him to have nothing to with us. He will only speak to us on the phone if his wife is in the room with him. And he didn’t disclose she was listening to the conversation. And this has been going on since before the wedding.
So yeah, you’re not alone and spouses can be evil. And family members can be weak.
His wife wants him to have nothing to with us. He will only speak to us on the phone if his wife is in the room with him. And he didn’t disclose she was listening to the conversation. And this has been going on since before the wedding.
So yeah, you’re not alone and spouses can be evil. And family members can be weak.
This post was edited on 12/21/25 at 2:40 pm
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:39 pm to shoelessjoe
quote:again, his decision. Not you or your moms
Or it could be that his balls or in his wife’s purse and he doesn’t want to ask to have them back.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:39 pm to Bjorn Cyborg
quote:
People actually tolerate this kind of shite in real life?
No it’s not, cause I said before, they never come to my mom’s family Christmas party. I told him that day that it was going to be at moms and if he didn’t like it, stay home with his wife. She hates my mom and my wife for reasons we don’t know of and have repeatedly asked how we could repair the relationships but it’s not wanted evidently. My worries is about my mother because my wife no longer cares if they like her or not, as have I. This is all about my moms well being and her feelings.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:39 pm to shoelessjoe
Maybe start by asking him why he can't talk about it, or what he's scared of.
Even if you knew what happened it may help explain things, but that's not the actual road block. The road block is what he is scared will happen if he lets contact back in. If you can solve that you have a chance.
Even if you knew what happened it may help explain things, but that's not the actual road block. The road block is what he is scared will happen if he lets contact back in. If you can solve that you have a chance.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:40 pm to SuperSaint
Agreed. I’m just hurt for my mother.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:44 pm to themasterpater
quote:
Maybe start by asking him why he can't talk about it, or what he's scared of.
Again not scared to talk about it, he doesn’t have a clue why it happened. Since then I haven’t spoken to him again. I was done making him think I was ok with the way things were and the way mom was treated. I cut ties because I refused to have him think things were ok.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:46 pm to shoelessjoe
quote:understandable
Agreed. I’m just hurt for my mother.
But best thing you can do it support your mom in letting her know she has zero rights to be involved in his family’s life.
Posted on 12/21/25 at 2:46 pm to shoelessjoe
It’s tough dealing with greedy or narcissistic siblings - no sorry it’s impossible
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