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re: Give me the best joke you got.

Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:23 pm to
Posted by rexorotten
Missouri
Member since Oct 2013
4962 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:23 pm to
A guy walks into his house holding a sheep under his arm. His wife is sitting on the couch.

The guy says "Honey, here's the pig I've been frickin." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a sheep." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."
Posted by Little Jackie Paper
Member since Jul 2021
20 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:25 pm to
I once went to a zoo
There was only one animal
It was a shite zoo
Posted by RazorBroncs
Possesses the largest
Member since Sep 2013
15766 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:29 pm to

How do you know you're at a gay barbecue?




All the hotdogs taste like shite
Posted by SavageReb
Member since Mar 2016
343 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:30 pm to
quote:

Can't tell you a joke, but I can tell you where you got ya shoes.






Hey bitch. You owe me $20.
This post was edited on 8/4/21 at 5:33 pm
Posted by TigerBR1111
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2014
8209 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:49 pm to
A man is complaining to his friend.
“You’ve seen all those bridges I’ve built in this town. Do they call me Richard The Bridge Builder? No they don’t.”
“You’ve seen all of the trees I’ve planted in this town. Do they call me Richard The Tree Planter? No they don’t.”
“But a guy fricks one goat…..”
Posted by TigerCoon
Member since Nov 2005
22461 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:52 pm to
A man comes home grinning ear to ear, flings the door open a exclaims "Baby, pack your bags...I just won the lottery!"

The wife was thrilled and could hardly answer. She finally manages "Should I pack for the beach? Should I pack for the mountains?"

The man answers "I don't care. Just pack your bags and get the frick out."


Best if read in a Gilbert Gottfried voice.
This post was edited on 8/4/21 at 5:54 pm
Posted by dupergreenie
Member since May 2014
9071 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:06 pm to
quote:

The government in this town is excellent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.”


As someone who works for the government i fricking love Ron Swanson....

My department has put a truck in the shop so many times that they could have easily bought 2 brand new versions of it... and its not like a regular pickup truck... this is a very essential vehicle that we may have had for a total of a month over the past year and lord knows how little before then...
Posted by anc
Member since Nov 2012
20338 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:14 pm to
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?


::gagging noise::
Posted by Joe_Dirte
The Boot
Member since Feb 2019
867 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:44 pm to
A termite walks into a bar and says, “is the bar tender here”.
Posted by stuntman
Florida
Member since Jan 2013
10486 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:00 pm to
What do Ethiopians do on Friday nights?









Starve.
Posted by TDFreak
Coast to Coast - L.A. to Chicago
Member since Dec 2009
8868 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:03 pm to
quote:

She said "Sure. As long you don't JFK.... Splatter all over me unexpected"..
Too soon
Posted by TDFreak
Coast to Coast - L.A. to Chicago
Member since Dec 2009
8868 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:11 pm to
Three old ladies - Gertrude, Maude and Agnes were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Agnes, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far.
Posted by udtiger
Over your left shoulder
Member since Nov 2006
112089 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:33 pm to
quote:

This is one if memory serves Jimmy Stewart used to tell


Jerry Clower
Posted by CrappyPants
Member since Apr 2021
1024 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:42 pm to
Knock Knock.

Who's there?

No one you fricking idiot, get off my doorstep.
Posted by GeauxldMember
Member since Nov 2003
5405 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 8:26 pm to
What do you call a bull with a masturbation problem?

Beef strokinoff

———

What does every Elmo doll get before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles
Posted by Pisco
Mayfield, Kentucky
Member since Dec 2019
4271 posts
Posted on 8/4/21 at 8:38 pm to
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait til your 12 years old before it cums on your face
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
119984 posts
Posted on 8/12/21 at 6:02 pm to
How did a computer hacker escape the police?

He just ransomware.
Posted by RoyalWe
Prairieville, LA
Member since Mar 2018
4234 posts
Posted on 8/12/21 at 6:28 pm to
quote:

How can you tell if your roommate is gay?
He gets a hard-on when you're fricking him in the arse.
Posted by Klingler7
Houston
Member since Nov 2009
12544 posts
Posted on 8/12/21 at 6:32 pm to
Today, I bought a cordless extension cord.
Posted by kywildcatfanone
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
135508 posts
Posted on 8/12/21 at 7:57 pm to
quote:

give me the best joke you got


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