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re: Friend of mine is burying his son tomorrow - need advice
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:31 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:31 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Be there for your friend, appreciate the situation and if you feel like crying, cry.
0
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:31 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Sorry for your/their loss 
If you find yourself on the verge of breaking down to the point of being disruptive, making lists in your head can be a helpful distraction (like teams in each conference, etc.), but try to be as emotionally present as you can.
If you find yourself on the verge of breaking down to the point of being disruptive, making lists in your head can be a helpful distraction (like teams in each conference, etc.), but try to be as emotionally present as you can.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:32 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
quote:
Son was early 30’s. Brain cancer.
That’s a huge difference than a friend losing a child unexpectedly and having to go watch a friend bury a child. Something I never want to do again, and I’ve done it too many times
My advice is to just act like an adult and support your friend and let him know you’re sorry for his loss.
This post was edited on 3/13/18 at 9:33 pm
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:32 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Doesn't matter what age burying a child is something nobody ever wants to do prayers Up
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:33 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
If it hurts and you cry, it’s not something to be ashamed of. To me, it would show that you truly care and support them.
This post was edited on 3/13/18 at 9:34 pm
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:34 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Here's all I have to offer you.
When my brother died ten years ago, relatively young and relatively unexpectedly, there was a large outpouring at a large church and at the cemetary, etc, lots of emotions, etc. I can tell you what my family and close friends at the after"party" appreciated the most....
A man (now also deceased) whose own son was a good friend of my brother but didn't himself know our family at all, stopped and picked up a few hundred bucks worth of KFC with all the fixins and three suitcases of beer. He knocked on the back door, came in with all the food and beer, introduced himself, expressed brief condolence, and left. The rest of the night, everyone gorged on fried chicken and beer. All of the other sympathy dishes left by neighbors etc were all ignored.
tldr; bring lots of fried chicken and lots of beer. It will be remembered and appreciated at least ten years later.
When my brother died ten years ago, relatively young and relatively unexpectedly, there was a large outpouring at a large church and at the cemetary, etc, lots of emotions, etc. I can tell you what my family and close friends at the after"party" appreciated the most....
A man (now also deceased) whose own son was a good friend of my brother but didn't himself know our family at all, stopped and picked up a few hundred bucks worth of KFC with all the fixins and three suitcases of beer. He knocked on the back door, came in with all the food and beer, introduced himself, expressed brief condolence, and left. The rest of the night, everyone gorged on fried chicken and beer. All of the other sympathy dishes left by neighbors etc were all ignored.
tldr; bring lots of fried chicken and lots of beer. It will be remembered and appreciated at least ten years later.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:34 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
I wouldn’t worry about what people think or say in what you do. Be supportive as a friend and react how you react. If others judge you for crying sincerely then they have their own set of issues to deal with. Sorry for the loss.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:36 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
I’ve buried 2 siblings in the last 4 months and 2 others in the last 4 years along with my parents.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of them and want to shed a tear. It’s human nature and civil to do so and if anyone thinks not then they are wrong.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of them and want to shed a tear. It’s human nature and civil to do so and if anyone thinks not then they are wrong.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:38 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Being empathetic is not a character flaw. Watching a family bury a child is hard. Sometimes long term illnesses soften the blow a bit, as there was ample time to say goodbyes and recognize the imminent outcome. Accident victims, suicides, overdoses, or other sudden deaths are difficult. Watching young children say goodbye to parent is horrible. I'd be more concerned about a person not moved to emotion under those circumstances.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:39 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
dude i cry ever damn day. Every heart warming father- son moment acted out on tv
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:41 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
You should not be ashamed to tear up
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:42 pm to GetBackToWork
I’ve been to too many funerals in the last 5 years. Be there for them, give them a big hug, and if you cry during the funeral it is normal. Honestly the one I cried the most at was last year. And that was my great aunt. I was sitting with my cousins and it was their last grandmother. Just two years before I had lost mine and about 6 months after that lost my grandfather. He just couldn’t live without her. I was very sad at those funerals but I was a pallbearer in both so I tried to remain strong for the family. But knowing what was probably going through my cousins minds at the funeral and graveside service, I lost it.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:47 pm to ellishughtiger
quote:
You should not be ashamed to tear up
The only thing you should be ashamed of is being scared for other people to see you feel and express emotion. That’s the weakness here. Not crying or feeling sad.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:48 pm to TU Rob
That's another good point. You never know what people are thinking or experiencing at a funeral. They may reflect on their own recent losses or difficulties and be moved for reasons not obvious.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:49 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
quote:
If it hurts and you cry, it’s not something to be ashamed of. To me, it would show that you truly care and support them.
The death doesn’t hurt me, I’m glad for him, he had a rough final year. I just don’t like seeing parents in pain over losing a child. Probably because I have children and understand what it might feel like to bury one.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:50 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
quote:a real man tells the truth in the face of reality
What do the alphas of the OT think about in those moments to detach from situation?
I'd cry
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:50 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Just don’t go
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:54 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
quote:
I don’t think it’s helpful to cry at a non-family member’s funeral.
Well then you’re a sociopath. When one of my best childhood friends died (granted I was 15), yeah I cried with the parents and sister at the funeral. Granted I haven’t had a very dear friend die since then, and it’s just been relatives really. But if one of my best friends died, absolutely I’d be crying at their funeral, and I think my friends’ parents and their wives would find it weird if I didn’t at least get emotional.
This post was edited on 3/13/18 at 9:57 pm
Posted on 3/13/18 at 9:55 pm to Walt OReilly
My son past away last Aug and I'm 60 and I cry every day for the lost of my son. 
Just be yourself.
Just be yourself.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:00 pm to tgrbaitn08
quote:
That’s a huge difference than a friend losing a child unexpectedly and having to go watch a friend bury a child. Something I never want to do again, and I’ve done it too many times
I’m not sure if it is. How many 30 year olds die of brain cancer? It’s the fricking same, in addition they may have some grandkids to look after now. Plus they have fully formed ideas on where they wanted their lives to go and could be in debt or have a mortgage they can’t afford alone, which further fricks things up.
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