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re: Fine line between spoiling your child and giving them a good life

Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:44 pm to
Posted by HempHead
Big Sky Country
Member since Mar 2011
56257 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:44 pm to
quote:

How many kids do you have


None, so you have a point.
Posted by Krane
Member since Oct 2017
1471 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:46 pm to


My 6 year old loves visiting anything military related. It’s really wonderful honestly.

Dude has zero interest in Disneyworld or anything similar. He’d rather go see old battleships and whatnot.

That being said for birthdays and Christmas he just wants Star Wars legos
This post was edited on 8/30/24 at 9:50 pm
Posted by Wraytex
San Antonio - Gonzales
Member since Jun 2020
2887 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 10:06 pm to
Posted by GetmorewithLes
UK Basketball Fan
Member since Jan 2011
20938 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 10:15 pm to
quote:


I’m a young father and I often find myself giving my son experiences galore.


Experiences are not spoiling. Giving them things they didnt earn is. And do things to get them off the damn game consoles. They are addictive and spoil kids social skills.
Posted by Evil Little Thing
Member since Jul 2013
11525 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 10:24 pm to
We struggle with this. Our 16 year old is “spoiled” in that she gets basically everything she wants, but she isn’t remotely entitled. She’s grateful and works hard in school; she just has little concept of money and hasn’t ever had to struggle or wait. She was the only grandchild in a very comfortable family for 12 years, which added to it. It’s concerning to me when she’s set on pursuing a major where people with master’s degrees are competing for $15/hr temp jobs (marine biology)—that she doesn’t understand how much crappier life can be if you don’t make much money. She will learn.

Our other kid is 4, and I feel the same as you. It makes me so happy to give him experiences and see him light up. My husband is more of a hard arse and makes him do things he doesn’t want to do that instill discipline (like starting sports). He’s young, so there’s still time to build character.
This post was edited on 8/30/24 at 10:27 pm
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
34017 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 10:40 pm to
Example: our HS daughter was getting a certain reasonable allowance per week, for basic easy chore, but as she went along she started wanting to have kinda more frequent and higher end lunches and dinners with friends and spending other than necessary. So it was time to get a job. A low key, good atmosphere, easy job, not food related or anything bad, but one nonetheless.
Posted by junkfunky
Member since Jan 2011
34969 posts
Posted on 8/30/24 at 10:52 pm to
quote:

I’m a huge fan of these big business men who talk about their children have to earn things and work for what they want. However, I love my son so much and want him to have the best life possible.


Sounds like you want him to have the best childhood possible. That won't make him the best man possible.
Posted by sosaysmorvant
River Parishes, LA
Member since Feb 2008
1403 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 5:09 am to
quote:

I’m an old dad of young boys (4 and 5). In many ways they’re spoiled. WAY more so than I was growing up.

But we keep them outside and off tablets and TV. I work from home and do outdoor projects with them as much as possible.

But at 50 I’ve gotten to a place financially where I certainly (with zero family money or windfall type money) wouldn’t have been if I’d had kids at a normal age. So they have some things that are probably more “privileged” than most. Nothing lavish or ostentatious.

But they don’t know what daycare or aftercare is. 5yo is starting classical academy w homeschool component. Mom doesn’t work. 4 yo goes to three half day private preschool. We eat out when we want (still not all the time).

My 4yo told me he wants two Jeeps. I told him I don’t have the money for two Jeeps. He told me to just “buy some money.” So he understands modern suburban and government finance well.


I think if you’re asking the question, you’re on the right track.



Any pics of your 30 year old new wife?
Posted by Bullfrog
Running Through the Wet Grass
Member since Jul 2010
58936 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 5:23 am to
If you hate your kids, give them everything they want. This will guarantee they grow up to be terrible people.
Posted by heypaul
The O-T Lounge
Member since May 2008
38239 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 5:38 am to
You know you're doing it right when they come to you and say "I'm bored."
Posted by lsufan1971
Zachary
Member since Nov 2003
21411 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 6:01 am to
Give him experiences and not gifts. My son is almost 17 and he has been to Omaha, Hoover, Lambeau, Wrigley field, Minute Maid, SEC championship in ATL. Jerry’s world.

Giving him memories and experiences is the best gift you can give him.

My son and I have a tradition on the road. We win we eat steak. We loose we eat chicken. We have eating a lot of bovine over the years.

My wife supports us going and doing these trips. She has never bitched about her or my daughters going. My buddies ask me sometimes how do I get to go with out bringing the wife.
This post was edited on 8/31/24 at 6:06 am
Posted by Asharad
Tiamat
Member since Dec 2010
6029 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 6:19 am to
Young parents think they have it figured out, think they have a plan. You'll realize years after they've flown that you had less impact than you think. My advice is to enjoy those days and don't worry about whether you're doing it right.
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
62913 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 6:56 am to
There's difference between materialistic spoiling and giving your child experiences that might require more resources than many are willing to put forth.

In other words, spend money on your child playing sports, going camping, seeing unique things, not on new toys that don't broaden their perspective.


Posted by Penrod
Member since Jan 2011
46665 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:08 am to
The trouble with indulging kids is that you are ensuring them a less happy life. Material happiness is based on our belief that our circumstances will improve, not on what we have. That is assuming we are not lacking necessities.

When you give your kids everything you create the expectation that the world should always provide, rather than the ethic that they must work to achieve.

I’ve raised four children who are now middle aged and raising their own. I’ve come to realize that spoiling them is not generally due to giving them a lot; it is due to not demanding anything. A rich kid who gets a Ferrari at 16 can still be well raised if his parents are making him cut the grass and other stuff like that.
Posted by SECdragonmaster
Order of the Dragons
Member since Dec 2013
17175 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:22 am to
You can give up your son almost any experience without spoiling him.

For instance:

It’s OK to buy him a lap dance.
But never pay for the champagne room. Make him earn that money so he will appreciate it more.
Posted by warm
Louisiana
Member since Jan 2022
118 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:37 am to
I’ve found that letting your kids experience failure without sugar coating it is very beneficial to personal growth. Give them advice but don’t helicopter parent. Obviously this is within reason, don’t let them really hurt themselves. Also get them into difficult or challenging things. Team sports are great for these lessons. Get them into physical fitness.
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
10002 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:42 am to
That sounds a bit bipolar depending on what “fun,” is.
Posted by McLemore
Member since Dec 2003
33549 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:45 am to
quote:

Any pics of your 30 year old new wife?


I said “Mom” to try to head this off lol. We are both old. A very brief first marriage then a bout with cancer sort of delayed the procreation process.
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
281843 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:46 am to
quote:

and giving them a good life


You cant give them "a good life" without them being self sufficient and have good coping skills.

Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
281843 posts
Posted on 8/31/24 at 7:50 am to
quote:

If you hate your kids, give them everything they want. This will guarantee they grow up to be terrible people.


Failure and struggle are beneficial for kids.
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