re: Fellow divorcees...did you know that your marriage was over, or were you blindsided?

Bump

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Why?

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Seriously?? Why???

Because like said prior I am a human and we love a good train wreck story

man this thread has me all worried. I’m 47 and for the first time ever managed to actually land a serious girlfriend so I may have to get married at some point.

prayers appreciated…

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Well that isn’t what usually happens and probably isn’t here. Someone ending a quarter century relationship with 7 offspring isn’t doing that on a whim. There were years of failed conflict resolution that brought it to a close. Usually, one side just doesn’t understand the perspective of the other, vis-à-vis, and what is a huge issue for one is treated as a minor issue by the spouse. You are blind sided because you don’t understand the problems were bigger than you assumed. Because your priorities and needs are different, the only way things work is if you understand one another’s priorities and make them your own, at least to a degree.

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Well said.

And not to be pedantic but I’d wager the same people who were blindsided were also the ones who thought it normal/acceptable to only have sex a couple times a year.

It was definitely pre-planned on her part.

It wasn't movers, it was her and 2 friends in a uhaul truck.
There was no furniture to move.
She only needed to take her clothes. (and her dog)
She didn't even finish taking everything from her closet. When i called she denied that a uhaul was in our driveway and probably left as soon as she hung up. She knew my office was only 10 min from the house. I got home 10 min later and she was gone.

She forgot about what was in the attic


She left a note saying sorry, here are the account balances and didn't take anything from the accounts.

She owned a hair salon. Most people paid her in cash.
All cash went to her personal safety deposit box.
That's her business and in my eyes, her money not mine.


She called me 2 days later as she was passing through Texas to a mid west state.

I could have gone after her, chose not to. If you are going to skip out on me, then i don't need you.

She only wanted 1/2 of the equity of the home which we had built about 2 years before she left.

She had an attorney friend that filed everything for the divorce. He sent an appraiser. We had 70K equity and debt free besides the house. We spoke and she agreed to accept 30K immediately and 5K a year later. I held back the 5K hoping she would forget about it. A year later she call me about the 5K. i sent the 5K and also FedEx'd a few things that I felt were important to her that she forgot in the attic.

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She had an attorney friend that filed everything for the divorce. He sent an appraiser. We had 70K equity and debt free besides the house. We spoke and she agreed to accept 30K immediately and 5K a year later. I held back the 5K hoping she would forget about it. A year later she call me about the 5K. i sent the 5K and also FedEx'd a few things that I felt were important to her that she forgot in the attic.

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Other than the shitty way she blindsided you, your divorce seemed to go pretty smooth compared to most people I’ve heard of.

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but in hindsight I should have seen the writing on the wall

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Same

As long as he gets a rock solid prenup he’ll be fine

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You went that long for a reason

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yea because I was a long haul driver that lived in a used Winnebago. Grew up poor and it took me a looooooong time to get out of that hole (mostly due to being kinda dumb).

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Sure, that describes some women

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It describes a solid majority these days.

And that's not anecdotal.

The stats indicate that upwards of 70% of women initiate divorces in America in 2024 and when asked why by pollsters they rarely answer that the husband was neglectful, abusive, failed to provide for the family, etc. They simply say they got tired of being married to him.

The behavior you described is certainly not ideal, but it also does not rise to the level of justifiably breaking up a family. Especially since the vast majority of the women initiating those divorces also didn't ask for or insist on marriage counseling before going straight to divorce. They didn't want better marriage conditions. They wanted to be free of marriage altogether.

If you don't think women have been sold a giant bill of goods by feminists and been given a set of massively unrealistic expectations, spend some time on YouTube searching related topics. You will see video after video of young women describing the characteristics that they require of men before they will date them. They make a ridiculous list of attributes (must have six pack abs, must be at least 6'4" tall, must make at least $250,000 a year, must be under 30 years old, etc., etc., etc.), and usually someone in the video asks them to estimate what percentage of all men conform to all the items on their list. The responses are asinine; they will guess 30-40% usually. Then the interviewer informs them that with all of their filters in place they are choosing from less than 1% of the male population, and they can't believe it.

And the married women are falling for it too. They are being taught that they shouldn't have to "settle" for a regular, average guy. That they "deserve" better than that, because they are powerful Girl Bosses with radiant positive energy who don't need a man anyway.

That's why...and again, this is a fact...the online dating apps report that women only click on/look at the most attractive 10% or so of the men listed on the site. They ignore all the rest of the men.

If someone could name one single thing that has done more to destroy western culture than feminism I would be interested to see them make a case for it.