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Fatherhood and Silent Worry
Posted on 7/2/26 at 11:56 am
Posted on 7/2/26 at 11:56 am
Hello tOT,
When you found out you were going to be fathers, what was the feeling? Was there a sense of obligation to remove undue stress from your family? How did you deal with it knowing that there is a fine line between repression due to emotional issues and needing to be the glue?
Any and all anecdotes and wisdom is appreciated.
When you found out you were going to be fathers, what was the feeling? Was there a sense of obligation to remove undue stress from your family? How did you deal with it knowing that there is a fine line between repression due to emotional issues and needing to be the glue?
Any and all anecdotes and wisdom is appreciated.
26
Posted on 7/2/26 at 11:59 am to Odysseus32
Father of 2 (2.5 years and 6 months). I don’t have time to worry. However it does introduce a new reality about work. My wife became a stay at home mom and we’re completely dependent on my job which I suppose is pressure.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 11:59 am to Odysseus32
Be a good person. Provide for, love, and protect your family. It’s not that difficult.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:00 pm to Odysseus32
Just do you.
Instinct kicks in.
If it doesn’t, you’ll know by the results.
Instinct kicks in.
If it doesn’t, you’ll know by the results.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:00 pm to Odysseus32
Congrats.
There is no manual. No instruction book. No way to protect them from everything. No father is perfect. Just use good judgment.
There is no manual. No instruction book. No way to protect them from everything. No father is perfect. Just use good judgment.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:03 pm to Odysseus32
39. 10 and 12 year old girls. I just do my shite a day at a time and don't try to anticipate anything. Just be realistic about things and enjoy your time as much as possible.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:04 pm to Odysseus32
No one knows what the hell they're doing as parents. It will be hard, you can't remove stress, and it won't be perfect. Just do your best and cherish as much of it as you can.
This post was edited on 7/2/26 at 12:05 pm
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:07 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
Any and all anecdotes and wisdom is appreciated.
Nothing is more important than your family.
Sounds like a no brainer. Right?
Just because you're providing a good financial life for your family doesn't mean you're giving them what they need or want in some cases.
Your time is priceless. It'll take you a while to understand that fully.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:08 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
When you found out you were going to be fathers, what was the feeling?
Walking on cloud 9. Turned on a part of life I had no idea could exist.
Then, when looking into their eyes for the very first time, life’s meaning changed for the better forever.
Congratulations!
Family first always.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:08 pm to Odysseus32
You never thought about it, you just went with it...
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:24 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
When you found out you were going to be fathers, what was the feeling?
I'm never gonna financially recover from this.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:33 pm to Gee Grenouille
Excited and scared shitless at the same time. Like others have said, there is no book and you will make mistakes.
The best advice I can give to any new father is to spend as much time as you can. Time moves fast, and if you miss it, you can never get it back.
The best advice I can give to any new father is to spend as much time as you can. Time moves fast, and if you miss it, you can never get it back.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:36 pm to Odysseus32
Work like hell to be the person you want your kids to grow up to be.
They need a role and behavioral model. And that’s you.
They need a role and behavioral model. And that’s you.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:37 pm to Odysseus32
Father of 20, 19, 14, & 13 year old boys. You're going to worry about everything. You're supposed to. Fix what you can, provide a stable home, and respect his mother. Turn everything else over to God. My youngest tells his mom I'm the base that holds the family together.
Good luck.
Good luck.
This post was edited on 7/2/26 at 12:39 pm
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:39 pm to Odysseus32
Just be the man your Father was or at least you wanted him to be.
Being a Father is tough, but not hard and impossible. Pretty simple, make sure your decisions benefit putting your family in a better place and no matter what you have to be willing to die to protect them.
Being a Father is tough, but not hard and impossible. Pretty simple, make sure your decisions benefit putting your family in a better place and no matter what you have to be willing to die to protect them.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:39 pm to Odysseus32
You're over thinking it.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:43 pm to thermal9221
quote:
Instinct kicks in.
This right here. It sounds silly to some, but it is 100% true in my book.
I never really wanted children, but when I found out I was gonna be a dad, it was really like a switch was flipped. I'm sure I haven't been perfect, but everything I do in life now is for the betterment of my wife and kids. And I was a very selfish person before I had kids.
Be present with your kids, show them that you love them and be their father, not their friend. Do those things and the rest will fall into place.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:43 pm to Odysseus32
Mine are 15 and 13. There will never come a time you don't have some worry.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:44 pm to Snipe
quote:
Your time is priceless. It'll take you a while to understand that fully.
Time you can never get back.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:46 pm to Odysseus32
I’ve got a toddler and one on the way. I’m still figuring it out but it’s amazing at how much you change over that first year. I always thought I would be the cool headed one who didn’t worry about every possibility of getting a bump or bruise but it’s been quite the opposite. I’ve had to learn to sit back and stay cool. Oddly enough, when it comes to something that’s potentially life threatening, I’m extremely calm and my wife is the frantic one (she’s the opposite of me when it comes to the small stuff).
Once they get to about a year or so, they REALLY start picking up on your emotions and reactions. I’ve had to be extremely cognizant of how I deal with every situation as it can have some real effects on their development but I’m not always great at controlling it. The important part is recognizing it and making the effort to be the thermostat and not the thermometer. It’s tough and stressful but extremely rewarding. I remember thinking how I was going to survive financially but it always seems to work itself out.
Once they get to about a year or so, they REALLY start picking up on your emotions and reactions. I’ve had to be extremely cognizant of how I deal with every situation as it can have some real effects on their development but I’m not always great at controlling it. The important part is recognizing it and making the effort to be the thermostat and not the thermometer. It’s tough and stressful but extremely rewarding. I remember thinking how I was going to survive financially but it always seems to work itself out.
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