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Message
re: Fatherhood and Silent Worry
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:49 pm to Odysseus32
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:49 pm to Odysseus32
Spend less money than you think you should.
Do not be one of those people that thinks your kid needs to be entertained at all times.
Do not be one of those people that thinks your kid needs to be entertained at all times.
1
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:51 pm to Odysseus32
Just relax man.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 12:55 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
When you found out you were going to be fathers, what was the feeling?
My kid hasn't been squeezed out yet so I'm still processing it all
. I was freakin' pumped for a couple of weeks after my wife told me. Now, the stress is kind of setting in. I'm totaling up all the costs like insurance, daycare, etc and it's stressing me out. I won't have any trouble paying for it but the last few years I haven't really had to worry about my spending but would still hit all my savings/investing goals. I feel like I'm going to have to start watching so I'm not one of those old people who has to have their kids take care of them because they didn't plan well for retirement. It's really shifting how I'm viewing long term financial planning. i'm just for my wife to eat like a normal human again. Half the time I'm hiding outside with food because everything I want to eat is making her nauseous. I bought her a honey baked ham last weekend because that's the only she could think about and after one slice it made her gag.
This post was edited on 7/2/26 at 1:08 pm
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:01 pm to Bullfrog
quote:
Work like hell to be the person you want your kids to grow up to be.
I appreciate all the advice in here. This one is really good.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:02 pm to Havoc
quote:
Just relax man.
Oddly it has made me more relaxed.
I'm just much more aware of the fact that I can't put my shite where it doesn't need to be.
I can put it here, this is anonymous (I hope).
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:11 pm to Odysseus32
It does not matter where you are in life, but having children should always make you want to be a better man.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:16 pm to Odysseus32
You're a man, you're going to want to plan, lay things out and expect because you did the planning everything will go to plan.
I spend hours on planning everything, but I have learned with 3 kids, shite is usually going to hit the fan by planned step 2. You just have to roll with the punches and not get frustrated with your family.
Some of the most fun I've had with my kids is finding humor in stressful times, real memorable moments. Those are moments that build personality.
I spend hours on planning everything, but I have learned with 3 kids, shite is usually going to hit the fan by planned step 2. You just have to roll with the punches and not get frustrated with your family.
Some of the most fun I've had with my kids is finding humor in stressful times, real memorable moments. Those are moments that build personality.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:21 pm to Odysseus32
I'm a dad and step-dad to two 16 year-old girls. Both just got their intermediate licenses last week. I usually don't worry about much, but am very worried about turning them loose on the road by themselves.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:23 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
Father of 20, 19, 14, & 13 year old boys
quote:
Rex Feral
Feral is right for you
my parents had 4 boys in 6 years. Idk how they did it. My poor mother, I think we permanently scrambled her brain. 
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:24 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
I'm just much more aware of the fact that I can't put my shite where it doesn't need to be.
I can put it here, this is anonymous (I hope).
Out with it dude
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:34 pm to Odysseus32
I made a mental checklist of sorts of what I wanted to provide as a Father:
Stable, loving and a carefree childhood.
Be a loyal, loving and respectful husband to their mother.
They want for nothing that is needed and I provide what is wanted, within reason.
Demonstrate what hard work really means.
Pay for first car and insurance while in school.
Tuition at local public university so they can get a degree without debt.
Do my part with wedding costs.
Help with first home down payment.
I let my child see all that it takes to do all of the above. It’s not always pretty. You have to let your imperfections show a little bit. You have to let them know it’s not always easy, but the reward is worth it.
The most important things are simple…stay employed and love and respect their mother (hopefully you picked a good one).
I’m now doing on the college part of my personal checklist. It’s very rewarding. Best 20 years of my life so far.
Stable, loving and a carefree childhood.
Be a loyal, loving and respectful husband to their mother.
They want for nothing that is needed and I provide what is wanted, within reason.
Demonstrate what hard work really means.
Pay for first car and insurance while in school.
Tuition at local public university so they can get a degree without debt.
Do my part with wedding costs.
Help with first home down payment.
I let my child see all that it takes to do all of the above. It’s not always pretty. You have to let your imperfections show a little bit. You have to let them know it’s not always easy, but the reward is worth it.
The most important things are simple…stay employed and love and respect their mother (hopefully you picked a good one).
I’m now doing on the college part of my personal checklist. It’s very rewarding. Best 20 years of my life so far.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:36 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
Hello tOT,
When you found out you were going to be fathers, what was the feeling? Was there a sense of obligation to remove undue stress from your family? How did you deal with it knowing that there is a fine line between repression due to emotional issues and needing to be the glue?
Any and all anecdotes and wisdom is appreciated.
You'll always worry no matter what their age.
Your time is more valuable to them than money. Yeah money helps. A lot. When they're first getting out of school. Getting married. Needing help with a down payment for a new house. But, it's the time together they'll remember. Camping trips. Going to football games. Being part of their athletic or scouting activities. Point being don't let life get in the way of making memories.
Use the Find My on your iPhone feature to see their location. Yeah, they think it's an invasion of privacy. So, have them voluntarily share their location with you. Not spying on them. They're adults. But the number of times that has given me peace of mind when they're going to a concert, driving to Florida to the beach, out at friend's house until 2am etc. is immesurable.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:40 pm to lsugrad35
quote:
. However it does introduce a new reality about work. My wife became a stay at home mom and we’re completely dependent on my job which I suppose is pressure.
old sales manager once told me that he always encourages married reps to have kids and divorced reps to buy boats. There is no one more motivated
Posted on 7/2/26 at 1:44 pm to Odysseus32
Win the day and don't stress about tomorrow. Today needs your full attention.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 2:04 pm to Polar Pop
quote:
10 and 12 year old girls
Wait until they get a little older and that hormone driven pimple face bastard comes to pick up your daughter to go on a date to a party,
Relax, you will survive.
Posted on 7/2/26 at 2:06 pm to Odysseus32
It was easier than I thought
I’m not a progressive though
I’m not a progressive though
Posted on 7/2/26 at 2:26 pm to LemmyLives
quote:
Spend less money than you think you should.
Do not be one of those people that thinks your kid needs to be entertained at all times.
In addition to this, if your/her parents want to help, LET THEM. Your parents will wear you out when they're newborns and its ok. Let them get attached to your kids and vice versa. Having that bond is key later on so you and your wife can get out for a night a weekend etc. Changes everything. We are lucky to have that option, we have friends that dont.
Being a dad is the easiest part of the whole ordeal. Its all the noise that comes with it that causes us to struggle. They just want your warmth and love. If its a boy, he wants to PLAY LIKE CRAZY. Do not ever tell him no when he asks you.
Use her pregnancy time to get back in shape, lose weight, etc. because you feel guilty doing it post partem.
It is the unsexy things between you and your wife that are harder to overcome. Its like never ending financial, logistical, and mentally exhausting work between you two. Don't be afraid to draw a line to keep the flame going. Take care of her but take care of your relationship above all else.
This post was edited on 7/2/26 at 2:29 pm
Posted on 7/2/26 at 2:42 pm to grizzlylongcut
quote:
4 boys in 6 years
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