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Started By
Message
re: Family friend’s funeral is in the middle of a non refundable vacation
Posted on 6/3/21 at 10:14 pm to flyAU
Posted on 6/3/21 at 10:14 pm to flyAU
quote:
My buddy has horrible way of communicating. His dad had heart problems and heart surgery a couple years back. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago I knew that his dad was under hospice care for 8 months and I had no clue. I know he would tell me to go to Florida, but I know I need to be there.
Well..
I'm a lot like The Pirate King and don't put a ton of stock into funerals. I also probably wouldn't care at all about friends attending my parents' funerals (none of my friends are close with my parents at all, nor am I with theirs). But it sounds like this is a very different situation for you and that you need to be there.
You could also go with mikelbr's suggestion of going there on the way home from the trip and spending a few days with him. I think this would take away from him noticing/caring that you weren't at the actual funeral. But do this alone. Send your wife in the car/a rental car home. Nobody wants to mourn their father with their childhood best friend .. and his wife.
1
Posted on 6/3/21 at 10:31 pm to LouisianaLady
Update:
There is no way I am going to Florida. Just messaged with him and he broke down for the first time since his dad passed because of us talking. The funeral may be for family which he said “you are family”.
I had hoped to salvage both, but friendship like this is priceless.
There is no way I am going to Florida. Just messaged with him and he broke down for the first time since his dad passed because of us talking. The funeral may be for family which he said “you are family”.
I had hoped to salvage both, but friendship like this is priceless.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 10:54 pm to flyAU
quote:
I found out tonight that the burial is set for June 10th in Atlanta.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 10:59 pm to Eli Goldfinger
Sorry bro. I got a non refundable weekend vacation.
I wont be able to make your fathers funeral. The father who was like a second father to me.
I wont be able to make your fathers funeral. The father who was like a second father to me.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 11:01 pm to flyAU
quote:
Update:
There is no way I am going to Florida. Just messaged with him and he broke down for the first time since his dad passed because of us talking. The funeral may be for family which he said “you are family”.
I had hoped to salvage both, but friendship like this is priceless.
You definitely gotta go to the funeral. You said he was like another dad to you. Would you miss your dad's funeral?
But I ask again why can't you move the vacation back 2 days?
Posted on 6/3/21 at 11:04 pm to flyAU
quote:
There is no way I am going to Florida. Just messaged with him and he broke down for the first time since his dad passed because of us talking. The funeral may be for family which he said “you are family”.
I had hoped to salvage both, but friendship like this is priceless.
As for the vacation -- If it is truly nonrefundable, can your wife bring a girlfriend and make it a girls trip? Or even roll solo, or bring her mother? I know some people are weird about being alone, but I love it.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 11:11 pm to flyAU
First you should fire up a joint of some medical Jane in Florida then find an LP of Dr. Dre's Chronic album. Listen to it front to back and everything will make sense. Your wife needs the break. Have one of her girlfriends join the vacation while you fly private jet (OT Baller) to the funeral
Some things are transcendent (including the Chronic album) The memories you and your friend have will live on through y'all. You need to be there for him and tell your story and relationship to his father. Your wife will be there when you get back. If your wife doesn't understand this then there is a communication rift that can be addressed at a later date.
The time is now. People need you now. People need your story to help deal with this grief.
Your wife just needs some sunshine and relaxation. There is plenty of weekends and future y'all can have together.
There is only the now that can help his loved ones manage the emotional toll that surrounds the passing of a loved one.
When my grandfather passed away a guy that he worked with building the bellsouth network by digging holes and putting in telephone lines showed up to his visitation. That dude was on the BOD at ATT and went out of his way to pay his respects and shake my hand. I had no idea the impact my grandfather left on so many people.
Be there now.
Peace and RIP to your second father.
Some things are transcendent (including the Chronic album) The memories you and your friend have will live on through y'all. You need to be there for him and tell your story and relationship to his father. Your wife will be there when you get back. If your wife doesn't understand this then there is a communication rift that can be addressed at a later date.
The time is now. People need you now. People need your story to help deal with this grief.
Your wife just needs some sunshine and relaxation. There is plenty of weekends and future y'all can have together.
There is only the now that can help his loved ones manage the emotional toll that surrounds the passing of a loved one.
When my grandfather passed away a guy that he worked with building the bellsouth network by digging holes and putting in telephone lines showed up to his visitation. That dude was on the BOD at ATT and went out of his way to pay his respects and shake my hand. I had no idea the impact my grandfather left on so many people.
Be there now.
Peace and RIP to your second father.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 11:41 pm to flyAU
quote:I know this isn't the main point, but what kind of job does she have that she won't be able to take 3 straight days off for a long time?
This is the vacation we were going to take before my wife starts a new job and won’t be able to take a vacation for a long time.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 11:46 pm to shel311
Exactly. 4th of July is coming up. I mean things are getting tight but renting a lake house/mountain home in September isn't that difficult throughout the country and a 4 hour drive from pretty much anywhere. Beach is overrated. Concerts are wide open now.
Posted on 6/3/21 at 11:57 pm to LSUBoo
quote:^ This
Talk to your best friend in private beforehand and make sure he's doing well, ask him if he needs anything, and explain why you won't be at the funeral. Then a few days after check in on him and make sure he's still doing alright.
I would feel bad if a friend cancelled their vacation (especially a non-refundable one) to be at the funeral for my family member. I think comment above is dead on. There will be enough friends and family at a funeral to provide support, that it won’t be a big deal if a few friends can’t make it. But few of the funeral attendees will check in after the funeral is over, so being that shoulder to lean on in the days after is probably more important than being at the actual funeral
Posted on 6/4/21 at 12:00 am to flyAU
Suck it up and go to the funeral.. It will be a PITA but your friend will not forget it.. I promise you..
Posted on 6/4/21 at 6:43 am to Abstract Queso Dip
quote:
When my grandfather passed away a guy that he worked with building the bellsouth network by digging holes and putting in telephone lines showed up to his visitation. That dude was on the BOD at ATT and went out of his way to pay his respects and shake my hand. I
But did he skip out on a non-refundable beach vacation to attend??
Posted on 6/4/21 at 7:49 am to flyAU
quote:
My wife and I have a 3 day vacation in Florida planned on the 9th, 10th and 11th which is not refundable. This is the vacation we were going to take before my wife starts a new job and won’t be able to take a vacation for a long time.
If you’re close enough to the father and friend to post about it here, I probably would go to the funeral. Three day trip to Florida? There’s plenty of trips like that in your future. If it were a two week trip to Italy that you had been planning and saving for for years, that might be different.
Posted on 6/4/21 at 7:53 am to flyAU
Go on vacation, drive up for the funeral (if it's close enough) and turn your arse around and go back on vacation. You won't regret doing it.
You should be there for your buddy.
You should be there for your buddy.
Posted on 6/4/21 at 8:32 am to flyAU
If you want to go then go. If you don't want to go the obvious answer is to blame it on the wife.
Posted on 6/4/21 at 3:26 pm to flyAU
quote:
What would you do?
My best friend was there for me when my sister passed, had to work, but came back for the funeral. We didn't have a funeral for my father, it was a private family spreading of the ashes, but her and her mom drove to the celebration of life. They lived a few hours away. If you are close I could go. It meant a lot of me.
I'm also from MT and lived in LA during these events. We also had friends from BR do things like cook us a meal, send a gift basket of food to the place my family was staying, etc.
Basically what it comes down to is be there for your friend, IMO.
Posted on 6/4/21 at 3:34 pm to flyAU
quote:
Update:
There is no way I am going to Florida. Just messaged with him and he broke down for the first time since his dad passed because of us talking. The funeral may be for family which he said “you are family”.
I had hoped to salvage both, but friendship like this is priceless.
Under those circumstances, you're making the right decision.
I told lots of my friends from out of town not to come to my Daddy's funeral, but they all came anyway. I was glad to see them, even briefly, but I really needed them more later on except one. I needed that one person to be there with me. Everyone is different.
Posted on 6/4/21 at 4:15 pm to flyAU
Vacations come and go. Your best friend only loses his Dad once.
Posted on 6/5/21 at 7:16 pm to TigerGman
Update: I am going to drive my wife and dogs down the day before, then drive back up in the morning for the funeral and back down after the funeral.
My buddy said “Aw man don’t do that, we understand”. I would say the same thing during my moms funeral, but know how much I would help with his healing.
Appreciate the non asshat answers. This had been extremely distressing for me.
My buddy said “Aw man don’t do that, we understand”. I would say the same thing during my moms funeral, but know how much I would help with his healing.
Appreciate the non asshat answers. This had been extremely distressing for me.
Posted on 6/5/21 at 7:24 pm to flyAU
quote:
Appreciate the non asshat answers. This had been extremely distressing for me.
We all just do the best we can with the hand we're dealt. I think you've made the right decision. Good friends are hard to come by. Just be safe traveling.
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