re: Estranged From Parents

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To top it all off, they are all hyper religious (Pentecostal Holiness).

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This is the problem.

However I know a few of them and they are fun to troll provided you keep it above their head just out of awareness. If they catch it oh well…you’re going to hell.

All kinds of people are shitty and toxic. If a person chooses to cut a shitty person out of their life, so be it.

The mom in this scenario is probably a controlling narcissist. If not and the son is wrong, then he's doing the mom a favor. Either way, it's their lives.

Talked to a pastor and like 25% off families have an estranged
person in them...its crazy

Outside of the obvious like not physically abusing or neglecting them, I feel like there is one basic rule for parents that there is a lifetime expectation of: Parents should truly want what is best for their children and actively encourage growth.

Parents have a massively out-sized role in the lives of their kids and children have an innate desire to seek approval, long into adulthood. That comes with huge responsibility. The worst kinds of parents take advantage of that and intentionally seek to control and hold their children back from reaching their potential, either due to insecurity or ego.

When a parent takes the path of actively and intentionally becoming a barrier to their adult child's growth, I have no issue with estrangement as a last resort. And no, I'm not talking about snowflake fights about politics. I'm talking drug/alcoholism, constant belittlement for taking a big promotion that required moving from the hometown, etc. I'm fortunate that has never been an issue for me, but I know people who will never escape poverty and mediocrity because they can't escape their parent's who share that same attitude and don't want to see their kids do any better.

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Yes, and wow! That's a shame she has that attitude.

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And that’s nothing compared to how she treated my husband, her son. His father is not much better.

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As many people begin to get older, they start to feel a loss of control and Independence. Oftentimes, a reaction to these changes in circumstances cause these older people to attempt to assert more control in any available areas of their lives. The first avenue in which to assert additional control is typically within the family unit.

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Yep.

I'm not estranged from my parents, but they still to this day grapple with the fact that I'm a successful adult that has my own family, career and life.

Holidays are a bitch because my mom has basically no shame in attempting to get us to spend every single holiday with them instead of my in laws (who I like). It's been 10 years since we've done thanksgiving on thanksgiving with my in laws. They are going out of the country the weekend after thanksgiving, so they requested LONG in advance to spend thanksgiving day with us.

That did NOT go over well with my parents, who have since, for months, tried every which way to get us to do thanksgiving with them earlier in the week so we can be with them on thanksgiving day.

If my mom had it her way her daughter in law and grandkids would never spend a single holiday with my wife's parents. They begrudgingly accept that we go to the in laws for christmas dinner after spending christmas morning through lunch with them.

I'm estranged from my Dad. He's a piece of shite. Cheated on my mom with her best friend which drove her to alcoholism while I was a kid (the alcoholism is not "his fault"). Post-divorce he frequently abandoned me (as a kid, 9-12 years old) to deal with her completely plastered at her house while dropping me off from custody swaps. Eventually he broke up with the chick he cheated with and she started dating his best friend. Then he got a new wife, and now they all swing together. Then my mom killed herself and I had to finish out my teen years (14-18) living with him where he was pretty abusive. Never once has he tried to apologize or even acknowledge what I had to deal with as a result of his actions. So yeah frick 'em

Three of my kids, (18,18 and 20) are estranged from their mom. All I will say is sometimes it's best to distance yourself.

My stepdaughter has not spoken to her biological dad but one time in the last 13 years, after he kicked her out of the house.

He has never met either of his grandchildren. I was present at both of their births and have been to most of my grandson's ball games (seeing him win the city league championship last year).

And recently her mom commissioned a portrait with mom, daughter, the grandkids - and yours truly, though I am technically not part of the family.