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Message
1
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:17 am to Sentrius
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:30 am to HubbaBubba
quote:
my wife
Pics?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:47 am to HubbaBubba
Damn that's a really sad set of circumstances. I'm not trying to sound like a dick, but your wife was trying to change the terms of the original deal. I know it's been a long time and he might have wanted to know his biological mom but that's an assumption. In any event I would let sleeping dogs lie in spite of the fact that human emotions run deep on this particular circumstance.
Maybe you could post some pics of your wife and the OT could provide her with some extra support.
Jk
Maybe you could post some pics of your wife and the OT could provide her with some extra support.
Jk
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:00 am to HubbaBubba
Thoughts and prayers to you and yours.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:17 am to HubbaBubba
There is no greater love on earth than that of a mother and her children. To give up a birth child for his well-being is probably the strongest form of love there is. Your wife is to be hugged. Three kids lost their dad, wait awhile so they don't feel shocked times two. Then take the original returned letter and write a new one explaining it was returned; and mail it certified mail-with signature required- to the widowed wife of your son. There is no reason why they can't have two sets of paternal grandparents- make this very clear in the letter.
Logic prevails, he had to have known from his BCert that he was adopted. If he didn't know his kids need to know.
ETA: Every time we go to the doctor they need family history. For this alone I think biologicals should be known. I could not imagine going through life not knowing biological relatives.
Logic prevails, he had to have known from his BCert that he was adopted. If he didn't know his kids need to know.
ETA: Every time we go to the doctor they need family history. For this alone I think biologicals should be known. I could not imagine going through life not knowing biological relatives.
This post was edited on 12/31/17 at 6:23 am
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:24 am to HubbaBubba
Man that was hard to read.
In a weird chain of command type of way, I still feel it was up to the adoptive parents to decide if she should've been able to meet her son if he was not actively trying to find her. I also feel the same way you do, in that I don't believe his parents ever told him. In turn, it would've been up to the son to tell his own kids he was adopted, if he knew.
I don't think it's fair to his wife and children, especially if you don't know for sure that the son even knew he was adopted.
I hope that post came out right. Any I hope the best for you and your wife.
Do your kids know about her fist child and the adoption?
In a weird chain of command type of way, I still feel it was up to the adoptive parents to decide if she should've been able to meet her son if he was not actively trying to find her. I also feel the same way you do, in that I don't believe his parents ever told him. In turn, it would've been up to the son to tell his own kids he was adopted, if he knew.
I don't think it's fair to his wife and children, especially if you don't know for sure that the son even knew he was adopted.
I hope that post came out right. Any I hope the best for you and your wife.
Do your kids know about her fist child and the adoption?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:32 am to HubbaBubba
quote:
His adoptive parents stood in the way
You nor your wife have any clue what the child's wishes were here, he may have been well aware of your wife's wishes as wanted no part, this is actually common.
She needs to drop this for both her sake and that of the adoptive parents, zero good can come from it at this point. JMHO
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:38 am to HubbaBubba
It’s possible the adoptive parents never told him he was adopted?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:48 am to HubbaBubba
Leave it alone just as she did many years ago.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 5:50 am to HubbaBubba
Your wife has wants, or wishes but no rights.
The adoptive parents seem crappy for not letting him, an adult male, decide his course. They are privy to all the information and may not be crappy though.
There is no best decision for a course of action now. The pros and cons of any actions can be good or bad, no matter how pure the motives.
Since your wife had no connection to the boy her grieving process should be shorter than it would be had she known him. Maybe any decisions can be put off until later, when they can be guided by rational thought instead of grief.
For you personally, I am sure you have plenty on your plate without this. I feel for you baw.
And, since nobody has asked, pics of the widow?
The adoptive parents seem crappy for not letting him, an adult male, decide his course. They are privy to all the information and may not be crappy though.
There is no best decision for a course of action now. The pros and cons of any actions can be good or bad, no matter how pure the motives.
Since your wife had no connection to the boy her grieving process should be shorter than it would be had she known him. Maybe any decisions can be put off until later, when they can be guided by rational thought instead of grief.
For you personally, I am sure you have plenty on your plate without this. I feel for you baw.
And, since nobody has asked, pics of the widow?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:02 am to HubbaBubba
Imagine this scenario. Your wife goes to meet the adoptive parents face to face and they tell her this: "We told our son he was adopted and he had no desire to meet you. Further, he said he didn't want his children to know."
Does that end it? Or does she continue and disregard what they told her?
Tough deal. I wish you and your wife the best.
Does that end it? Or does she continue and disregard what they told her?
Tough deal. I wish you and your wife the best.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:07 am to HubbaBubba
Sorry to read this, Bub. You have an amazing family and I’m sure he would have loved to know you all.
I agree with you that she should let this rest.
Hope y’all had a merry Christmas and have a safe New Years
I agree with you that she should let this rest.
Hope y’all had a merry Christmas and have a safe New Years
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:12 am to HubbaBubba
quote:
Anyway, now my wife wants to reach out to her son's wife, and let her know, so that her children can know where they came from, and let the wife know that if she needs help, we can help.
I am thankful I'm not in your shoes because at this point I think closure for your wife has passed. I think it would be very selfish to interject into the widows life at this point.
I'm not sure how your wife moves on from this point but best of luck to you in getting through this.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:18 am to HubbaBubba
quote:
I think she needs to let sleeping dogs lie still.
This is your only option. I can understand what your wife is going through and that she needs closure now more than ever, but you can't just go inserting yourself into complete strangers lives. Think how you'd feel if the roles.were reversed? Your wife needs to make peace with the fact that her son lead a normal life and had a loving family.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:26 am to Beessnax
quote:Well said. What I meant in my post as well. It may not be a hallmark card in the end, but at least they know when the doc asks for family medical history. As well as, some people have no parents and or grandparents. These kids could have two sets of paternal grandparents.
That's awful. I helped my wife find her birth parents. She's close with biological mother but the father rejected her. His loss because she is an amazing woman.
As I read your story I was hoping that your story would end up similarly. I think the adoptive parents were very wrong for denying your wife contact with him after he was an adult.
Adoptees always want to know, and they have a right to know who gave birth to them and what the circumstances were. It changed my wife from the better. No more unanswered questions. It didn't end in a picture perfect hallmark type scenario, but she knows the truth.
I would give the son's wife some time, but I would certainly try and contact her. Those are your wife's biological grandchildren. Who knows what the wife will do with it, but she needs to opportunity to make the decision.
It's a long process, be patient with your wife and let her make the decisions.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:30 am to TigernMS12
quote:
they have every right to parent the child and make decisions regarding that relationship, even when the child reaches adulthood.
The frick is this bullshite? If you're an adult, you get to make decisions for yourself. At least OP's wife was nice enough to go to them first.
Do the adopting parents have the right to tell the child that they cannot search for the birth parents, too? That should be the child's decision, ESPECIALLY as an adult.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:45 am to Cowboyfan89
That is one massive load of assumptions for one post, congrats.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 6:54 am to HubbaBubba
quote:
Now she's feeling a lot of anger towards the adoptive parents, who didn't notify her. I know they didn't have to, but I can see my wife's point. They knew she wanted to meet him, and they they also deprived her of knowing about his death. I don't understand why someone would do that.
Plenty of people have addressed other parts of your post, but my thoughts when I came to this part is, those people just lost their son. You're wife will hopefully realize soon that she feels a fraction of the pain that they are going through.
Whatever their motivations may have been for standing in the way of a reconnection, your wife or her desires probably never entered their heads during this time.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:05 am to HubbaBubba
Who is the dad of this kid? Has anyone reached out to the sperm donor ?
What’s his take
What’s his take
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