re: Dealing with Teenage daughters

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isn't it kind of weird to have a curfew on someone who has graduated high school?

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Not if they are living in your house

Don't care if someone is 50 years old if they are living at my house

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I mean that’s fine and all, but I think at some point you have to ask yourself “why?”

As in - how is saying “no” right now going to help my kid in the long run? Is it concern about their safety/well-being? Is it a lack of trust that they still need to earn? Is it because there are other goals that they aren’t meeting? (Probably not in the case of a girl who just graduated, but idk.)

Also, how can saying “no” right now hurt my kid in the long run? If I don’t start giving them independence, will it make it harder for them to adjust and be responsible when they actually are on their own? Will it lead them to just lie to me next time? Will it legitimately hurt our relationship?

Everyone is certainly entitled to take the “my house, my rules” approach to anything they decide they don’t like, but I think it can be a bit short-sighted if you aren’t actually thinking through this sort of stuff.

Give her about 5 years and she will be daddy’s little girl again. From 14-19 my daughter was a demon. She never really did anything all that bad really but was just an emotional train wreck. By the time she was about 22 everything leveled out for her and by then she had experienced at least a little sliver of some of the upcoming adult challenges and hardships. Ol’ Dad was her best friend again. She is 27 now and we had a super strong relationship and I couldn’t be more proud of the woman and mother she has become.

True story…when she was about 11 she came running into the den while I was watching TV. She hopped up in my lap, gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. I told her I loved her too but that one day she would hate me and would hate me for about 5 or 6 years. She of course said that was crazy and she could never hate me. Fast forward a few years and when she was 14 there was something she wanted to go do and I told her no. She stomped her foot and yelled at me how much she hated me. I just died laughing. When she asked why the laughter, I reminded her of the time I told her this day was coming. That just kissed her off even more which made me laugh even harder.

It gets better. Your rules your house. I have five. All are grown now. Starts when they are 12. Oldest is 40 now. We were laughing the other day about what she told me when she was 21. She said dad “I don’t know you went from the dumbest person I know when I was 15 to the smartest I know now that I’m 21”. I said yes, Isn’t it amazing! She has girls of her own and she told me “I don’t know how you handled five girls!”

She loves you. They don't always act as adults because they're not. You'll bump heads plenty. It gets better.

Think about how you thought about your parents when you were 17.

Lots of kids at that age thing they have it figured out. Cut her some slack and remind her you that as her dad your job is to look out for her. Sometimes she won’t like it but it’s sure as hell better than having a parent that doesn’t give a shite about them.

Sit and talk to her about her age and respect in yalls decisions. Let her realize how much yall do and how much yall.love her. Explain there will be a transition as she becomes an adult, and yall will face challenges.
How she handles those challenges will affect how much support you'll continue to give. Respect is the key, without it, she loses perks.
Phone bills, car, insurance, tuition help, food, etc

This is interesting - I was that 17 year old daughter (twenty something years ago) - I graduated in May and didn’t turn 18 til November

My dad was gone and my mom was really strict with me. My sister was in her early 20s, and my brother was 16 - neither had curfews and could do just about anything they wanted

It used to piss me off, and I’m sure I told her I hated her a few times. I didn’t really - just letting out steam.

Ironically, I get along best with my mom now.

My daughter might think this is transactional, but she can say whatever the F she wants to me and hurt me to the bone but can never change the fact I love you more than anything!!!

When does she turn 18?