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Boomers and end of life care
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:32 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:32 pm
My MIL died several years ago of dementia and during her decline my FIL expected my wife and her sister to literally walk away from their families to come and help him care for her 24/7. He did not want to hire nurses because of the cost.
Now he is dying of cancer and fully expects both of them to leave their families to come and care for him. He will not go to the facility and doesn’t want to spend the money for nursing and doesn’t want anyone but his daughters there. He needs 24/7 care which is unrealistic when my wife has kids and or other family stuff to deal with.
I thought this was just his personality but the more we talk about this with friends it seems to be a recurring theme to where Boomer parents expect their children to completely drop everything to come care for them and will not consider nursing or going to a facility.
It is a heart wrenching situation and I’m sympathetic to these individuals I love but what is it with this generation to where they think their kids should walk away from their families rather than them bite the bullet and secure nursing or other care to take care of them? Especially when they choose to stay at home and hire help but when the time comes they refused to do so.
Has anyone else dealt with this?d
Edit: Not talking about being there or providing support and being a caring family member. I’m talking about 24 hour care and supervision for an older person that cannot be left alone.
Now he is dying of cancer and fully expects both of them to leave their families to come and care for him. He will not go to the facility and doesn’t want to spend the money for nursing and doesn’t want anyone but his daughters there. He needs 24/7 care which is unrealistic when my wife has kids and or other family stuff to deal with.
I thought this was just his personality but the more we talk about this with friends it seems to be a recurring theme to where Boomer parents expect their children to completely drop everything to come care for them and will not consider nursing or going to a facility.
It is a heart wrenching situation and I’m sympathetic to these individuals I love but what is it with this generation to where they think their kids should walk away from their families rather than them bite the bullet and secure nursing or other care to take care of them? Especially when they choose to stay at home and hire help but when the time comes they refused to do so.
Has anyone else dealt with this?d
Edit: Not talking about being there or providing support and being a caring family member. I’m talking about 24 hour care and supervision for an older person that cannot be left alone.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 11:53 pm
70
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:34 pm to SquatchDawg
You think he would’ve learned his lesson the first time.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:35 pm to SquatchDawg
Yeah they raised a bunch of selfish twats....
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 10:50 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:35 pm to SquatchDawg
Time to die gramps
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:36 pm to SquatchDawg
Maybe he wants to spend the last days of his life with his family dawg?
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:38 pm to AllDawg
It’s not that…it’s “you need to quit your job and leave your family and come here and take care of me”. Literally.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 10:39 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:39 pm to AllDawg
quote:
Maybe he wants to spend the last days of his life with his family dawg?
Doesn’t look like family wants him!
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:39 pm to TigerGman
quote:
Yeah they raised a bunch selfish twats....
Don't get old.
Allow for a lot of after care when you retire in your family it seems.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:40 pm to SquatchDawg
Maybe have him move in and have a part time nurse?
I think the OP is saying it horribly, but I've seen parents/siblings have completely irrational ideas on what constitutes helping the family out. If the dad needs a 24/7 nurse, most families just cannot provide that.
I think the OP is saying it horribly, but I've seen parents/siblings have completely irrational ideas on what constitutes helping the family out. If the dad needs a 24/7 nurse, most families just cannot provide that.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 10:42 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:40 pm to SquatchDawg
The good Ol’ days....when family took care of each other. What were they thinking? The progressive me, me, me generation definitely has it figured out.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 10:41 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:40 pm to SquatchDawg
In his defense, who the hell wants to die alone or in a nursing home with strangers? In y’all’s defense, he needs to get hospice there and maybe work out a schedule for his daughters and other families members to take different shifts when they can get there to see him.
A lot of people I know have their dying or elderly parents live with them in their guest room or share time/shifts with hospice caring for them. Tough situation all around.
A lot of people I know have their dying or elderly parents live with them in their guest room or share time/shifts with hospice caring for them. Tough situation all around.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:42 pm to SquatchDawg
Not at all my experience with dealing with boomer parents in declining health
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:43 pm to Jcorye1
He won’t move in with us because he wants to stay in his own place. We’ve offered.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:43 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:
My MIL died several years ago of dementia and during her decline my FIL expected my wife and her sister to literally walk away from their families to come and help him care for her 24/7. He did not want to hire nurses because of the cost.
Now he is dying of cancer and fully expects both of them to leave their families to come and care for him.
I'd probably give it a shot too. Why the hell did I have kids otherwise?
Prayers for the situation for real. I know that's not a great time.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:43 pm to SquatchDawg
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:43 pm to SquatchDawg
I think more multi-generational homes would be a positive for our country and completely side step this issue…
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:46 pm to martiansgohome
I want to have the big one when iM 75.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:46 pm to SquatchDawg
Just throwing this out there, nursing homes are super expensive.
Depending on level of care, you're looking at $5,000 to $10,000 a MONTH.
And that's not including any medical costs, like doctor visits, medications, surgeries, etc.
Depending on level of care, you're looking at $5,000 to $10,000 a MONTH.
And that's not including any medical costs, like doctor visits, medications, surgeries, etc.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 10:49 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:46 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:
will not consider nursing or going to a facility.
Neither will you.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:47 pm to Jcorye1
quote:
I think the OP is saying it horribly
That fair.
My wife is over there all the time. My SIL drives 3 hrs and is there every weekend. But 24/7 is a lot and his expectation is that their lives or families should take a back seat to what he wants. It’s fricked up.
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