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re: At what point in a relationship do you ask her how much debt she has?

Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:25 am to
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
45536 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:25 am to
quote:

debating pulling out or busting a nut in her,


How is that possibly a debate? Never pull out, it shows weakness.
Posted by ashy larry
Marcy Projects
Member since Mar 2010
5582 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:27 am to
quote:

At what point in a relationship do you ask her how much debt she has?


Before you stop pulling out.

quote:

She is close to graduation and is attending a expensive out of state school

It's all relative. Marrying someone with $200k in student loans is ok if she's going to be a doctor. Marrying something with $90k in student loans and a degree in art history might give me pause.
Posted by udtiger
Over your left shoulder
Member since Nov 2006
117163 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:28 am to
Not two months in
Posted by NIH
Member since Aug 2008
124922 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:30 am to
Do you realize how autistic you sound ?
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
93541 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:30 am to
quote:

Marrying someone with $200k in student loans is ok if she's going to be a doctor


jeeezus! wtf? that's not a smart outlook, at all
Posted by Jim Rockford
Member since May 2011
106059 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:31 am to
The same girl you ran a 5k for? This gets better and better.
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112944 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:34 am to
quote:

I've been dating a girl for roughly two months now
2 months and you asked?

Rookie move there
Posted by MojoGuyPan
Intercession City, Florida
Member since Jun 2018
2797 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:36 am to
quote:

At what point in a relationship do you ask her how much debt she has?


You shouldn't ask her. Only 3 outcomes:

1) She'll think that you're some incel loser fast tracking her to the altar.
2) She'll be offended and find a real runner at the next 5k.
3) She'll just lie to you.

You need to try to get her social on the DL and run a credit check on her. That way you find out the truth without offending her.

You also need to run a criminal background check on her too. You never know.

I would wait until I was seriously thinking about proposing before doing the above. If you're just dating and having fun, who cares about her debt or character.

HR would check this stuff if she was applying for a job, so you damn sure better check this stuff if you are thinking of spending the rest of your life with this B cup honey.

This post was edited on 10/21/19 at 9:40 am
Posted by Popths
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2016
4549 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:42 am to
Sign a prenup stating that her debts are hers and yours your own.
Posted by dragginass
Member since Jan 2013
3339 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:52 am to
I asked earlier than that. For sure I wasn't wealthy back when I was dating, but I had a nice house, lots of toys in the garage, and only a mortgage as far as debt. When dating, inevitably the "payments" would get brought up. When I explained I had none, it was an easy segue into seeing where the woman was.

A little student debt was one thing, but credit cards and financial irresponsibility was a nonstarter.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
93541 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:53 am to
quote:

A little student debt was one thing, but credit cards and financial irresponsibility was a nonstarter.


ding ding ding
Posted by Hogbit
Benton, AR
Member since Aug 2019
3091 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 9:58 am to
quote:

small b


Thats enough info to make a decision.
Cut her loose immediately, if not sooner.
Posted by ashy larry
Marcy Projects
Member since Mar 2010
5582 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:04 am to
quote:

jeeezus! wtf? that's not a smart outlook, at all



$200k in student loan debt is about average for a new doctor. In other words, if you want to marry a doctor, there's a damn good chance you are dealing with a ton of student loan debt. The good news their average salary is about $235k. So what situation is better?

doc making $235k/ year and $200k in debt OR someone with a business degree making $45k/year and no debt. I'll take the doctor.
Posted by 337Tigah
Premium Access
Member since Aug 2014
2563 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:08 am to
Ehhh, it seems a little soon. I guess it depends on the speed you two are moving at. If she really wants a family and marriage, this convo will have to be had again eventually anyway.
Posted by lynxcat
Member since Jan 2008
25332 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:11 am to
My girlfriend and I probably had this discussion 4 or 5 months into the relationship. We openly talk about finances (mainly because I don’t find it taboo and it’s important to lay the cards on the table).

Two months is early but it sounds like she is dating with intention and that accelerated the play.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
93541 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:12 am to
quote:

$200k in student loan debt is about average for a new doctor. In other words, if you want to marry a doctor, there's a damn good chance you are dealing with a ton of student loan debt. The good news their average salary is about $235k. So what situation is better?


a new doc, without much of a specialty ain't getting near $235 right out of school, $200k in debt is a pretty significant hammy if you don't have the discipline to start servicing it immediately, and of course they have to keep up the appearance of "living the lifestyle" of being a doc, which is counterintuitive to doing that
Posted by lsucoonass
shreveport and east texas
Member since Nov 2003
70128 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:13 am to
Let her ask you about your situation first
Posted by Space Cadet
Member since Sep 2019
446 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:13 am to
quote:

lynxcat
quote:

My girlfriend and I
quote:

finances (mainly because I don’t find it taboo


Ok, so I'm picturing an autistic lesbian. How close is my guess?
Posted by DownshiftAndFloorIt
Here
Member since Jan 2011
72798 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:13 am to
Think I was a year into it and getting ready to buy a ring.
Posted by ruzil
WNC
Member since Feb 2012
18464 posts
Posted on 10/21/19 at 10:20 am to
quote:

None of my business, as long as there's cereal on the table for dinner then who cares?




Nice work!
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