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re: Any males on here have a positive experience with a divorce?

Posted on 11/1/19 at 6:53 am to
Posted by YouAre8Up
in a house
Member since Mar 2011
12792 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 6:53 am to
Posted by TheEnglishman
On the road to Wellville
Member since Mar 2010
3244 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 8:00 am to
Its the best and the worst thing that will ever happen to you.

So... depends on how you look at it
Posted by Pechon
unperson
Member since Oct 2011
7748 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 8:18 am to
quote:

They either didn't date long enough, overlooked the red flags or both and that's on you.


I get what you're saying. Sometimes you think you know someone and don't really notice them years later. Sometimes things you tolerated in the beginning you get tired of later on. Sometimes a partner changes you where you don't notice yet your friends and family do. People change, especially with life altering events like marriage. Kids change people too. Do I regret it? Nope. I have two wonderful kids out of it that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Even with all the nonsense that's happened with my divorce, my ex and I are civil and communicate more when it comes to the kids. She bought her own house and the kids have their own rooms weather they're with me or her. There's a lot more flexibility and the pettiness stopped. It's better now and we work together.

That's why I always suggest doing something in your life to keep your mind off the stress and anxiety. You will lose your cool, you will say something stupid, and it can be used against you.

Posted by Tiger n Austin
Austin, Tx
Member since Dec 2005
6771 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 8:29 am to
I got the house. Kept my retirement, split 50/50 with the kids (though, I now have have them 100% of the time)...I paid very little in child support when we had them 50/50. Only cost me about $10k in legal fees.

My current girlfriend makes over double what I make. I am going on her sales club trip to Mexico in 2 weeks at the Four Seasons all expenses paid. So, I feel like divorce was pretty positive for me
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
83236 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 8:46 am to
quote:

Whenever somebody says asking for a friend, I’m about 90% sure they’re actually asking for themselves. And are too embarrassed to admit it.


nuh uhh!! no way!!!
Posted by Gusoline
Jacksonville, NC
Member since Dec 2013
9981 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 8:59 am to
Prepare to spend thousands just to get shared custody at best.

Hopefully you were smart enough to marry a woman that made more money than you.

Took 18 months and $7500 for mine. She makes 20k more than me, covers our child on her insurance, and pays me $50 a month

I'm sure if roles were reversed i would be paying much more.

The IRS says if custody is shared the parent with more taxable income claims the child every year. Remind your lawyer of this is you make more. If you dont, keep your mouth shut and hope for 1:1 or 2:1 swap on kid deductions.
Posted by Tiger n Austin
Austin, Tx
Member since Dec 2005
6771 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 9:32 am to
quote:

well for one, my ex had a wreck with both kids in the car drunk as a skunk. (she would start drinking as soon as her feet hit the ground)

so yeah, i have the whole 'saved my kids' lives' thing going for me.


Brah, you and I could swap some horror stories.
Posted by Icoachfb
Greenville SC
Member since Jan 2019
1796 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 9:43 am to
Can only speak for my brother whose 50 and just went through his. It’s been hard on him. Lot of lonely nights. Just coming home to an empty house I’m sure is hard. With that said it was at a point where his marriage was over so he treated the divorce like a business transaction. Kids are in college or out so they weren’t a factor. Strange but they get a long better now.

Don’t know if kids are involved but if they are try to hold it together if at all possible for the kids sake. If you can’t do the right thing and see your kids when it’s your days. Make their games and dance stuff. Keep them the number one priority in you life even if they aren’t in the house with you.

Good luck
Posted by CitizenK
BR
Member since Aug 2019
12092 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 9:45 am to
Zero red flags. She was actually gainfully employed with a $100K annual salary in 1990 and moved to Austin for more money in 1992. First she got into Tai Chi then went looney toons during her second marriage. Lost all her marbles after that.
Posted by Lithium
Member since Dec 2004
63645 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 10:07 am to
Going through it really sucked but happier now. Youngest Lithette was a Freshman at LSU when we separated. I moved to Baton Rouge and lived on the Lakes while she was in school. Almost back to where I was on my 401. Really happy now.
Posted by Pitt Road
Floriduh
Member since Aug 2017
975 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 10:54 am to
I'm only responding because I had not seen this particular situation...

Second marriage, married 2.5 years, cost me over $50k to defend my assets, plus temporary alimony, and for the win: I had to pay $15k of her lawyer fees to her lawyer. Yes, I paid him to frick me.

Couple of things before getting married: get a prenup, get a credit report on your soon to be spouse, find out what medications she's on, and most of all do not get divorced in Florida.
Posted by MrLSU
Yellowstone, Val d'isere
Member since Jan 2004
28273 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 10:59 am to
Is it better to prolong with the marriage or just cut the cord & get the divorce when you have kids?
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
130304 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 11:01 am to
If you can be good co-partners and they are very young, do it then. Better than constant fighting
Posted by Icoachfb
Greenville SC
Member since Jan 2019
1796 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 11:21 am to
If there is constant fighting, screaming and yelling or someone cheating you probably should get out and be as good as dad as you can be. Don’t talk about their mom in a bad no way. Worse thing you can do. If it’s just behind the door arguing and the problems aren’t affecting the kids I would try to stay in it provided neither has fooled around. In my opinion you got to put the kids first. They didn’t ask to be put in this so do what you can to make it as painless for them as possible
Posted by udtiger
Over your left shoulder
Member since Nov 2006
107992 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 11:26 am to
I would think a majority would have a positive experience with it.

Now...with the process? Doubtful.
Posted by wheelz007
Denham Springs, LA
Member since Jan 2010
3386 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 11:35 am to
I did.

I was married to a Borderline for 10 years. Emotional train wreck. Mess maker. Nothing but storms in our life and constant drama. And yea, it was my dumba$$ that married her.

Divorce and custody of my now 12 and 9 year old boys cost me $15k.

Money well spent. She now lives 3.5 hours away and has such a minimal impact on my life now.

That $15k bought us freedom.
Posted by AZBadgerFan
Scottsdale, AZ
Member since May 2013
1735 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 12:47 pm to
quote:

Couple of things before getting married: get a prenup, get a credit report on your soon to be spouse, find out what medications she's on, and most of all do not get divorced in Florida.


Damn good advice. One of the most glaring red flags- are they savvy with their finances and self-sufficient? If not, it will be a rough go, to say the least.
This post was edited on 11/1/19 at 12:50 pm
Posted by LSUMANINVA
West Virginia
Member since Sep 2004
8675 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 1:51 pm to
My friend is struggling with the idea of being considered selfish vs. the possibility of being happy.
Posted by rd280z
Richmond
Member since Jan 2007
2425 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 1:51 pm to
Depends on what you need to make it "Positive" I got one, so, it was positive.
Posted by LSUZombie
A Cemetery Near You
Member since Apr 2008
29371 posts
Posted on 11/1/19 at 2:06 pm to
quote:

how much does one have to drink to dink themself "to death"? asking for a friend.


Had a mutual acquaintance drink himself to death just a few months ago. He was only 38. Battled depression but never got help for it. Drank heavily all the time and I guess one night just drank until he went into organ failure and died. Very sad.
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