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throwaway082119
Member since Aug 2019
2 posts

Affairs... (very long)
I’ve seen the recurring posts about this topic on the OT and I’ve always noted that no one ever admits to being in an affair. I’m at the closure of one and need to type out some therapy so I’m turning to the OT. I don’t care if some don’t read this wall of text because it is not for advice but rather for me to air this out. When you’re depressed about something or worried about your kids or whatever, you can talk to your wife or your parents or your friends. When you’re in an affair, you must internalize it and you can’t say a word to anyone about what you are going through.

Used to post under a different name but created a new one because I know a couple of people here in real life. Never posted a lot so no need to finger point about alters.

Dear diary, dear facebook...here is what one looks like in real life.

This woman is 13 years younger than me (no pics). She knew since the first day she met me I had a wife and kids and I never hid this fact (she also has a child but is single). I have never done anything with another woman since I said “I do” 16 years ago. I also have children. Part of the reason I’m posting this is because I don’t even know how I got in this situation, so I wanted to relive it. It’s like I blinked and I was in so deep.

This woman is a client of my company and I met her at a conference in 2017. Where she lives is about 700 miles from me and I don’t work with her directly, so I didn’t talk to her until again until the same conference in 2018. Small talk asking about family and work and a nice dinner with all our clients and staff at the conference is all I saw of her (same as 2017). Didn’t speak to her again until the same conference in 2019.

In 2019 the conference starts out much the same and the prior 2 years. We all take an Uber to the restaurant and enjoy a high-end meal and some wine and then head back to the hotel where we are all staying. A smaller group heads to one of the hotel bars and sits around a fire pit. I’m sitting by her and we are having some small talk. She asks about my family and I ask about hers in addition to catching up on work. I head to the bar for another drink and she says I’ll come with you. She is starting to get flirty at this point but not overly. Touching me more, leaning into me at the bar. I say I need to use the restroom and she does as well. The bathrooms are separate M/W, but they are around the corner and down the hall from the bar in the restaurant section. I finish up, wash my hands and walk out and she is standing there and immediately leans in for a kiss. I’ve had women come on to me before while married and I’ve always removed myself from the situation and not done anything. I did not in this case, and we have some passionate making out and groping in the hall. She asks if she can come back to my room and I say yes without hesitation.

The hotel was more of a resort and somewhat big, so it wasn’t a short walk back to room. I had a thousand opportunities to hit the brakes on this and I still don’t know why I didn’t. We get into my room and immediately start making out and pulling off each other’s clothes. This girl is very attractive and in shape but not supermodel by any stretch. She’s cleanly waxed, wearing a thong and whispering the sexiest things in my ear. We have a long sex session and it was amazing. The only reason I was able to go as long as I did was because we were both somewhat dehydrated from all the wine at dinner, so we kept stopping to drink water and change positions (let that be a tip if you are having trouble with the stamina). We screwed all over my room and in every position you could imagine. It was amazing. We both finished and then laid there talking for about an hour. There is some heavy petting and kissing going on while we are talking and suddenly, I’m ready for round 2 which just doesn’t happen for me at 40 years old. Second session nowhere near as good as the first but still damn good. I walk her back to her room and it is about 2 or 3 am at this point. She asks for my number so she can text me and we exchange them and then a kiss goodnight.

When I get back to my room the nausea and guilt hit. The reality of what just happened and 16 years of marriage and kids hits me like a brick wall. I throw up and then get in the shower and lay on the floor with water running on me for at least an hour. I was flying out early the next morning and I don’t think I slept any. The conference wasn’t over and she was staying another night. We met in the lobby at the coffee stand while she was going into conference and I was waiting for Uber. Talked about how it sucked I was leaving and exchanged an awkward hug and I left. At the airport you could see this weight all over my face, but I told my travel companions it was a hangover. In the airport I’m googling how to tell your wife you cheated and pretty much resolved to the fact that I have to let her know as soon as I see her. I call my best friend from college who lives a couple of states over from me and tell him what happened and that I’m going to tell my wife. He convinces me that is crazy and I should recognize this was a one-off mistake and take this secret to my grave. I agree.

We start texting each other slowly and she is finding reasons to ask me about work stuff and just joke around. This goes on for several days and maybe even a week before it escalates. When I say escalate it went to constant texting and not just her. I was responding and instigating. We are just becoming good friends and texting all the time. I remember texting her that I needed to jump in the shower and would have to respond later (texts were that frequent). She says something along the lines of how she would love to see that, and I respond that her pics would be better. This opened the flood gates for the nude pics and sexts and now we are texting even more. She lived 700 miles away and sexting became the outlet for no intercourse. The pics and videos she sent were jaw dropping. I was addicted.

Over the next month and a half, I attempted to draw back and put her at arm’s length a couple of times. From the first day I told her I had no intention of leaving my wife and kids and reiterated that multiple times. Her response was always we are just having fun and I’m not looking for anything. She had her kid and her career and didn’t have time for a “real” relationship. I was able to convince myself this was just a fun thing and we would let it run its course. Somehow over this time she is still sending nudes, but we are sexting less, and the conversations become much deeper. I learn about her, what she’s been through, her family, past relationships and I tell her all of this about me. We are also regularly talking about work through all of this and since we are in the same field and both of our careers are skyrocketing so we have that stress in common. I go from meticulously deleting texts and pics to saving them because I want to revisit later.

Everything I learn about her infatuates me. She has this indescribable happy outlook and positive vibe. Never in a bad mood when we talk or text. She has so much energy that it is rubbing off on me. She sends me songs by new artists and shares articles and wine recommendations. A millennial in that she documents everything via photo and sends it to me. She tells me she really wants to see me. It so happens that my family is going out of town without me for about 5 days in the next couple of weeks. We both decide that meeting in my hometown is a bad idea and it would be better if I could drive and not fly. We find a city with a large airport that is about 150 miles from me and agree to meet for a weekend. In hindsight, this was probably the beginning of the end, but it was also the peak.

Continued...










Ruxins Rascals
LSU Fan
Middle of Da Bayou
Member since Nov 2018
272 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
Can I get the spark notes version of this?


slackster
Stanford Fan
Houston
Member since Mar 2009
59027 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
Feel better now?


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60
tzimme4
Chicago Cubs Fan
Metairie
Member since Jan 2008
20238 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
Dear Facebook...


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craigbiggio
UAB Fan
Member since Dec 2009
29558 posts
 Online 

re: Affairs... (very long)
Shut up fag


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112
throwaway082119
Member since Aug 2019
2 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
I pick her up at the airport on a Saturday morning. We immediately hug and kiss and we are all smiles. We drive to our hotel downtown and get an early check-in. Up to the room and immediately go at it. Better than I remember the first time. We lay and talk and head down to the pool. Have great conversation, drinks and just the best time and she is all over me. We go back up to room for round 2 and then take a nap. Wake up and have dinner and go back to room for round 3. In between all this we are having the best conversations, PDA, just having so much fun. Sunday morning starts with another session. We shower together and go walk around and get some lunch and then a few drinks. Back to room for session 2 of the day. Drinks at bar, dinner and back to hotel for session 3. The sex is mind blowing but they are so intimate. Neither of us drop the L word but she says things like “if you look at me like that it will make me fall in love with you”. Checking out Monday morning so we have one more session before packing up and me driving her to airport. Drop off was quick and it was good because we both had caught feelings and didn’t need a sappy goodbye.

After this trip all text from me and her turn into “I miss you”, “I want to be with you so bad”, “I wish we could wake up together”, etc. We both have it bad. She never says I love you but throws the word around more often. I’m starting to think how bad would it be if I left my wife? Could I repair relationship with my kids? Googling alimony and child support estimates. How would we handle distance? I daydream constantly about being with her. All indications from our texting were she was doing the same. While I’m on a business trip, we facetime for 4 hours each night. We are texting the last thing at night and first thing in the morning. I’m making excuses to leave the house so I can call her. While all this is going on, I can tell she is getting frustrated. She has guys hitting on her and she comments that she wishes I was there so they would leave her alone. She doesn’t have a date for a wedding. She is telling me she only wants to be with me and maybe true, but I can tell she wants to be “with” someone and not a side piece or secret.

After about a month of that, I could suddenly tell things weren’t right between us. Texting much less frequently, not the same tone, not calling, too busy with work when she could always find time before. These last few days we have talked less and texted less than at any point since this started. I asked her what was going on and she said she felt very guilty about the situation and didn’t want to mess things up with my family. She just said she couldn’t be that person. She also said her ex had been reaching out to her and she may give that another shot because she couldn’t be a secret anymore. I’m pretty much heartbroken but what do you do? To make matters worse, I was able to make a work trip to her company so we could see each other for work and then spend a couple of days together. Don’t think I can do that at this point and I’m not sure how to back out because they are a client and I have it planned, and it involves other people from my organization and hers.

All this happened over the course of 3 months and now I’m trying to put the pieces together. Trying to not act weird around my wife. Have an appointment with a therapist. Trying not to text her. I’m a mess. Family has no idea at this point and my wife just thinks I’m super stressed from my job. So, the hypotheticals that get posted about would you do a 1-night stand, would you do this if you wouldn’t get caught…DON’T! I constantly feel like a piece of shite for doing this to my family while still longing for her. Absolute worst feeling ever.

I’m not looking for any sympathy, just sharing an experience. Any criticism or name calling is deserved.


TL; DR – After 16 years of marriage I had a 1-night stand that turned into feelings and now I’m sad with no one to blame but myself.


Klark Kent
LSU Fan
Houston via BR
Member since Jan 2008
45344 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)


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Ross
Auburn Fan
Huntsville, AL
Member since Oct 2007
39874 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)


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322
windshieldman
New Orleans Saints Fan
Member since Nov 2012
7919 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
That’s a long I talked to a girl brag post


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191
TennesseeFan25
Tennessee Fan
Honolulu
Member since May 2016
8214 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
God damn you run on and on... surprised you found not one, but two people willing to have sex with you


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270
Black n Gold
Duke Fan
Member since Feb 2009
13337 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
quote:

throwaway082119


Since when did TD become Reddit?


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121
Cdawg
Houston Astros Fan
TigerFred's Living Room
Member since Sep 2003
52241 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
quote:

(no pics)

I'm out.


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120
Mike da Tigah
Anywhere but here
Member since Feb 2005
50012 posts
 Online 

re: Affairs... (very long)
quote:

TL; DR – After 16 years of marriage I had a 1-night stand that turned into feelings and now I’m sad with no one to blame but myself.



That’s all you needed to say.


Man, what a piece of OT literature.



This post was edited on 8/23 at 10:15 am


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130
PearlJam
Auburn Fan
NotBeardEaves
Member since Aug 2014
11846 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
quote:

throwaway
not just a username, but what you did to the mother of your children.


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241
btnetigers
LSU Fan
South Louisiana
Member since Aug 2015
1785 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
You ever seen that movie, "Fatal Attraction"?



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40
Slagathor
Makin' jokes about your teeny tiny
Member since Jul 2007
25562 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
quote:

This woman is 13 years younger than me (no pics).


Arkansas fan?

Used to post here?

Azn?


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21
fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
89090 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
Juice ain’t worth the squeeze, trust me


But...I understand the thrill. It’s taboo. It’s cloak and dagger, sneaking around. It’s a high, a rush.

But it leaves a trail of broken people in its wake. And it’s broken you too, whether you realize it yet or not.

Only hard step is the first one. After that it’s a mad sprint into the bosom of iniquity. You’ll throw everything that really matters away chasing that high.

You’re tainted now. An oathbreaker. Somewhere deep in you you’ll feel a poison fester and eat at you. You might try to confess in a futile attempt to alleviate your guilt.

Don’t. You’ll just break more hearts.

You did the deed. Just take it to your grave.
This post was edited on 8/23 at 10:20 am


Fun Bunch
New Orleans Pelicans Fan
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
64241 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
This will be a thread


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td01241
Georgia Fan
Savannah
Member since Nov 2012
14728 posts
 Online 

re: Affairs... (very long)
Gay


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Ed Osteen
New Orleans Saints Fan
504
Member since Oct 2007
39841 posts

re: Affairs... (very long)
quote:

throwaway082119




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