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re: Advice for dealing with a loved one who is in cognitive decline?

Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:29 am to
Posted by Bamadiver
Member since Jun 2014
3857 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:29 am to
Sounds like you've done what you can do up to this point. Does someone have power of attorney for this person? If not, it needs to get done. With respect to the driving, get those keys away from them at all cost and get the vehicle out of sight. We have dealt with a lot of this with my father who has altzheimer's. My parents are very close with their insurance agent and they very quietly let us know what would happen if he got in a wreck post diagnosis. Unlike your case, my father has been very docile and submissive, but it can change on a dime. Had my first encounter with sundowners not too long ago and it was unreal. Big thing I learned from my dad's neurologist is most if not all of the care orders will come from his PCP. You mention personality disorder. Some of the meds can go a long way to simply turning off the person. It's a horrible thing to contemplate, but it may be for the best.

Best advice I can give you is those who will be closest to and providing support to the person need to make sure to take care of themselves. Our neurologist has has begun focusing on this alone with our situation. It's incredibly stressful and draining. Seek support anywhere you can.
Posted by MMauler
Primary This RINO Traitor
Member since Jun 2013
23886 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:31 am to
Call the White House -- they deal with this on a daily basis.
Posted by 2Yutes
BR
Member since Oct 2018
2400 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:41 am to
Place them in an Assisted Living Facility.

It’s your only choice unless you can afford round the clock in home trained sitters.

The decision is painful but correct.
Posted by rd280z
Richmond
Member since Jan 2007
2466 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:49 am to
You need to be very patient and kind to them because they can't help it and the situation is very difficult for them.
Posted by Gris Gris
OTIS!NO RULES FOR SAUCES ON STEAK!!
Member since Feb 2008
49636 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 12:03 pm to
As others have suggested, if this person is still lucid enough to give you or another trusted person a durable power of attorney, have that done immediately. You will regret it if things go farther. Someone needs authority to handle decisions that are non medical in nature and sign on that person's behalf.

I have a friend dealing with her mother right now. She moved her mother into her home and has sitters during the day while she works. Her mother has turned mean and fires the sitters. She also calls the police on the sitters. She gets up in the middle of the night and cooks. Once she got up, got dressed and was found at midnight by a neighbor on the ground in the street with injuries. My friend is trying to keep her mother in her home, but it's not working for either of them. She's about to move her to a private facility. It's safer for her mother and saner for my friend who is exhausted from little sleep and working all day. Hard choice, but sometimes, it's the only way and professional care is needed. Her mother is simply unable to be cooperative due to the cognitive issues. Remember, that you have to take care of yourself as much as possible to care for your loved one.

If you do get sitters in the home, don't have a different person every day. The first agency my friend used sent a new one each day and there's no way for the person at issue to become comfortable and secure that way. I'd never heard of it done like that, but maybe that's the norm in some areas. Most folks I know will have one for a week and then another for a week and those same sitters stay on schedule, week on and week off. Others have a day sitter and a night sitter, but they are the same people all the time. Having strangers in the house can be daunting for anyone, but especially for those going through these cognitive changes.

Best to you. It's an extremely difficult situation and you have to ignore what the person says if it's hurtful. Remember that this is not who that person is or was.

Posted by mahdragonz
Member since Jun 2013
7053 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 12:10 pm to
Get in home help ASAP.

People are often resistant but if you can afford it, get it.

Caregiving breaks people on a lot of levels.
Posted by BROpaneTANK
Mandeville
Member since Apr 2010
3051 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:02 pm to
I have a future in-law dealing with their mother in this situation and it’s really bad. The worst part is it’s a complete drain on her and she’s at an age that she could be absolutely living her life to fullest but she’s basically has 0 time or freedom because of taking care of her mother.
Posted by LaLadyinTx
Cypress, TX
Member since Nov 2018
7109 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:12 pm to
quote:

As far as money, the nursing home will want all of their financials and will drain every account before getting government assistance. I think they look at the previous 5 years.


Because you can't have government assistance if you have means. It's not that the nursing home is doing something wrong, but that you must pay until you no longer have means.
Posted by idlewatcher
Planet Arium
Member since Jan 2012
92105 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:14 pm to
quote:

Will Cover


email Sent my brother
Posted by LaLadyinTx
Cypress, TX
Member since Nov 2018
7109 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:15 pm to
quote:

As far as money, the nursing home will want all of their financials and will drain every account before getting government assistance. I think they look at the previous 5 years.


Those places bleed people, because they know they are needed. It's really terrible.


Those places require payment. They are not free. We don't have free eldercare services in our country, nor should we. As long as someone has means, they will be required to pay.
Posted by madamsquirrel
The big somewhere out there
Member since Jul 2009
54724 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:24 pm to
quote:

The worst part is it’s a complete drain on her and she’s at an age that she could be absolutely living her life to fullest but she’s basically has 0 time or freedom because of taking care of her mother.
this is what I think of when people say they have children so they have someone to take care of them when they are old. I have 4 children but never want to put them through this.
Posted by HotBoudin
Metry
Member since Sep 2003
1102 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:36 pm to
In LA you'd need to start a legal interdiction ASAP. Look up what TX has that gives full legal control and take over. Been there, done that. Do not delay.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 1:39 pm
Posted by pochejp
Gonzales, Louisiana
Member since Jan 2007
8027 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:44 pm to
quote:

Advice for dealing with a loved one who is in cognitive decline? by Will Cover


Email Jill Biden. She will have first hand info.

Sorry you're having to deal with this. I've seen others struggle with this. It's tough.
Posted by CoachChappy
Member since May 2013
34069 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:46 pm to
quote:


Those places require payment. They are not free.


Um...no fricking shite!

Why not have set rates based on customer need? Why not publish those rates? Why do they want to see your financials?

Because they want to bleed you for every dollar they can.

It's like these blood sucking roofers after a hurricane. They want to know what insurance is giving you before they start working. they are leeches who are bleeding you, because you have no other options.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 1:47 pm
Posted by idlewatcher
Planet Arium
Member since Jan 2012
92105 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 1:48 pm to
quote:

Look up what TX has that gives full legal control and take over. Been there, done that. Do not delay.


Agreed. Very important.
Posted by CitizenK
BR
Member since Aug 2019
13739 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 6:01 pm to
Only one of the two remaining Democrat relatives will speak with me, All of the other cannot stand the leftists.
Posted by Tigers2010a
Member since Jul 2021
3627 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 6:42 pm to
Disable the car by removing battery or possibly starter fuse. Removing drivers license won't get the job done and no one with dementia or alzhemiers should be driving.
Posted by FLObserver
Jacksonville
Member since Nov 2005
15734 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 6:51 pm to
Good Luck to the OP. I truly hope i never get to be this type of burden on my family. Getting old sucks but having to live like this must terrible. I work in the medical field and see some patients spend 90% of the year doing test/procedures and medical visits. How is that living?
Posted by TheRouxGuru
Member since Nov 2019
13429 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 7:58 pm to
Will, this is mr h from the batcave… love ya bud, hope all is well despite this situation
Posted by SpotCheckBilly
Member since May 2020
8183 posts
Posted on 10/14/21 at 8:04 pm to
Be patient. More challenging times are coming. Do what you can to handle things like bill paying and other responsibilities. If you can arrange to handle errands and getting them to doctor's appointments, do so to help keep them off the road. If it comes to it, a doctor can help. Understand that they are doing the best they can.

Good luck.
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