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WhiskeyThrottle
Member since Nov 2017
325 posts

A Solid Obituary
I have no clue who this guy is, but his legend is captured well in his obituary.

LINK

Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Terry is survived by his overly-patient and accepting wife Kathy, who was the love of his life (a fact she gladly accepted sympathy for during their 48 years of marriage). He is also survived by daughters Rebecca (William) and Jean (Jeff); sister Linda; brother Phil; grandchildren: Alexander and Hannah Hines (The Mesopotamians), Daphne and Erin Pistello (The Daffer and Peanut), Brendan and Owen Lahm (Phineas and Ferb) and Tessa McMurry (Smiley).

He is preceded in death by his parents Paul and Bernice Ward, daughter Laura Pistello, grandson Vincent Pistello, a 1972 Rambler and a hip.

Terry graduated from Thornridge High School in South Holland, IL, where only three of his teachers took an early retirement after having had him as a student. He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman – he didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL. Still, Kathy and Terry wed in the fall of 1969, perfectly between the Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret.

Terry volunteered his service in the United States Army and was an active combat Veteran in the Viet Nam War.

He retired from AT&T (formerly Ameritech, formerly formerly Indiana Bell) after 39 years of begrudging service, where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career (which he used for everything from open wounds to “Don’t use this button” covers).

He enjoyed many, many things. Among those things were hunting, fishing, golfing, snorkeling, ABBA, hiking Turkey Run, chopping wood, shooting guns, Bed Bath & Beyond, starlight mints, cold beer, free beer, The History Channel, CCR, war movies, discussing who makes the best pizza, The Chicago White Sox, old Buicks, and above all, his family.

He was a renowned distributor of popsicles and ice cream sandwiches to his grandchildren. He also turned on programs such as “Phineas and Ferb” for his grand-youngins, usually when they were actually there.

He despised “uppity foods” like hummus, which his family lovingly called “bean dip” for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.

Terry died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.

Tremendous and heartfelt thanks go to the truly exceptional nurses at Southlake Methodist Hospital Neuro-Intensive Care Unit, who provided much more than nursing care for Terry, but also provided a peaceful and compassionate environment during his transition from this life to the next.

Friends can visit with the family on Saturday, January 27, from Noon until the time of the Funeral Service at 4:00 PM, with Pastor Mark Wilkins officiating, at Geisen Funeral, Cremation & Receptions Centre, 606 E. 113th Ave., Crown Point, IN. Services will conclude at the funeral home.

Memorial donations in Terry’s name can be made to your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.


jimbeam
USA Fan
University of LSU
Member since Oct 2011
48862 posts
 Online 

re: A Solid Obituary
quote:

Memorial donations in Terry’s name can be made to your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole,
ill be making my donation to Freds so that a handful of young whipper snappers can drink for free tonight


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Splackavellie
New Orleans Pelicans Fan
Bayou
Member since Oct 2017
983 posts

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499
Garfield
USA Fan
Kew Gardens
Member since Dec 2011
7187 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
quote:

He despised “uppity foods” like hummus, which his family lovingly called “bean dip” for his benefit, which he loved consequently.





quote:

he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.





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350
AbitaFan08
LSU Fan
Boston, MA
Member since Apr 2008
15486 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
I’ve seen better obituaries in the quad on a Tuesday.


LZ83
LSU Fan
La
Member since Sep 2016
9572 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
I need to start working on mine now to even come close to something that funny.


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160
Wtodd
Missouri Fan
Tampa, FL
Member since Oct 2013
35880 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
Have an upvote....$100 he wrote it himself


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Brazos
LSU Fan
Member since Oct 2013
11952 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
And this would be where the quad joke has jumped the shark.


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360
Roll Tide Ravens
Alabama Fan
Birmingham, AL
Member since Nov 2015
4955 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
quote:

Viet Nam

Subtle.

Great obituary, it sounds like the guy truly lived life.


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100
TigerFanInSouthland
LSU Fan
Louisiana
Member since Aug 2012
16476 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
No mention of weed in there but something tells me this dude toked it up with the best of em.


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47
HubbaBubba
LSU Fan
RIP - los angeles tiger
Member since Oct 2010
24536 posts
 Online 

re: A Solid Obituary
quote:

nurses at Southlake Methodist Hospital Neuro-Intensive Care Unit, who provided much more than nursing care for Terry,
Dude went out smiling.



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190
R11
LSU Fan
Member since Aug 2017
1908 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
Good stuff.

Thanks for posting


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30
terd ferguson
USA Fan
Darren Wilson Fan Club President
Member since Aug 2007
97250 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
Terry... future generations will sing songs of his life


vl100butch
LSU Fan
Ridgeland, MS
Member since Sep 2005
28232 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
thank you for posting...this week has had too much death and dying for me and I needed something to make me smile!!!



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100
FCP
Delta State Univ. - Fightin' Okra
Member since Sep 2010
2319 posts
 Online 

re: A Solid Obituary
That is awesome. I hope to have an obit like that of my own one day.

Also, when I do eventually pass this mortal coil, I plan to do it with zero knowledge of what a Kardashian is or does.


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50
tigerbutt
LSU Fan
Deep South
Member since Jun 2006
17660 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
Good stuff.


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soccerfüt
Western Carolina Fan
aka Sen. Lincoln Fillmore
Member since May 2013
29504 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
A couple of random folks somewhere over New Mexico or Arizona this afternoon will get free drinks on me in honor of Terry.



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40
Upperdecker
LSU Fan
BR
Member since Nov 2014
13443 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
quote:

He despised “uppity foods” like hummus


quote:

Preceded in death by a hip


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40
GaryMyMan
USA Fan
Shreveport
Member since May 2007
13495 posts

re: A Solid Obituary


GeauxDoc
LSU Fan
Highland Road
Member since Sep 2010
1234 posts

re: A Solid Obituary
This was great. Hope someone can say that about me one day. But hopefully not anytime soon...


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