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re: A family member with dementia and telling them they can't drive
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:02 am to Mie2cents
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:02 am to Mie2cents
Been there. Mom had dementia before she passed. Believe me...taking away the car keys was one of the "easier" things we had to contend with, compared to what was to come. Luckily I have several siblings and we were all on the same page as to how to handle the situation(s). Everyone pitched in. I hope you have several other family members to help out. Almost impossible to manage something of this scope flying solo. Large family or not, help is out there. Find it. You will need it. Thicken your skin. Let hurtful words roll off your back. You will get through it.
0
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:03 am to Mie2cents
Went through this with my father having Parkinson's and Dementia. Its heartbreaking because all you remember are the good times. All I can offer you is something that helped me through it. Its a quote from the original Superman movie. Its cheezy but so true.
Jor-El
Jor-El
quote:
The son becomes the father, and the father, the - The son.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:06 am to ptra
I lived next door to my parents. 50 acres, not like a subdivision. Dad came over to me and asked who the woman was that was living in his house and how did she get to be in charge. I told him that was my Mom, his wife, and when he got to where he couldn't balance the check book, she took over. He said Ok. I knew not to ask her! Mom can be a little bossy. He said if he got confused again he would come find me. He didn't know who I was, he just knew I was friendly. Heart breaking but we were lucky. He stayed sweet and was able to die in his own bed at 88. He used to say he was ready to jump in the creek, but he didn't want to get in trouble with God.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:09 am to Mie2cents
You're doing the right thing. It's brutally difficult as I speak from experience. Jut remember that you are repaying him with loving care like he gave you when you were a child.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:12 am to Mie2cents
We let Mama keep her keys but disabled the car so it wouldn't start.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:23 am to Mie2cents
After Dad had his first brain surgery to remove the glioblastoma, the doctors said he couldn't drive anymore (potential seizures). It was tough. But he understood and was of sound mind and didn't want to hurt anyone. One day on my way back to his house, after we entered his subdivision, he asked if he could drive the rest of the way to the house (maybe 3 blocks). I pulled over and switched places with him. He never got over 10 MPH, but I could tell he felt pride. I don't think he noticed I was peeling onions like a little bitch. He passed away less than a year after that.
This post was edited on 12/22/16 at 9:25 am
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:30 am to ZekeTheTeke
quote:
My dad has a long history of dementia on his side of the family and is terrified that will happen to him. We've talked about what we would do if he started to slip and he understands but who knows how he would react if that day comes. Best wishes man
This is how we have handled it as well. My father was devastated how his mother treated him and so we had several conversations about it hoping it would help.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:31 am to Mie2cents
You have to do what you have to do. I've told my king daughter that when it's my time, just do it.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:32 am to Big_Al_316
quote:
king daughter
What's that?
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:33 am to Kafkas father
quote:
Kafkas father
Where is the apostrophe?
Kafka's real dad wouldn't have made that mistake.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 9:34 am to Mie2cents
I had to do this with my mother a year ago. She stayed angry for a long time. The worst part is when they keep asking about their keys and/or vehicle, and it's all new to them every couple of days. Now the overt anger is gone, but replaced by regular guilt trips about how she wishes she could get out and see people, or drive to the store and etc. It's tough, but was the right choice. It was a dangerous situation. Not only driving dangerously, but getting lost in the town she's lived in for 50 years.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 10:10 am to BRgetthenet
quote:
Where is the apostrophe?
Kafka's real dad wouldn't have made that mistake.
Good point.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 10:29 am to Mie2cents
We are in the end stage of dementia with my husband's mother. I have to go somewhere right now, but when I get back I will try to respond.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 10:39 am to Mie2cents
I had to do that with my mother and she was always so independent and liked to drive. Very difficult
Posted on 12/22/16 at 10:51 am to Mie2cents
Went through it with my grandmother, as time went on she didn't know who we were.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 10:56 am to Mie2cents
move his car from the premise entirely.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 11:01 am to Mie2cents
When I make a recommendation to not drive for an elderly patient with dementia, I include an option for those that disagree to undergo an on-the-ride driving test through the DMV, who does special assessments of these types of cases in most places. Let the DMV be the bad guy.
Louisiana Driving Laws for Seniors and Older Drivers
What to do if you think a Senior Should Not be Driving
Louisiana Driving Laws for Seniors and Older Drivers
What to do if you think a Senior Should Not be Driving
This post was edited on 12/22/16 at 11:08 am
Posted on 12/22/16 at 11:04 am to Mie2cents
It got so bad with my grandparents we had to change the locks on the doors to be able to lock them in at night with us. My grandma liked to go to other people's houses at 3am looking for her mom and sisters (who were long gone).
Other things got really bad as it went on. The worst episode was waking up to walls smeared in feces because "I got mud on my pants and couldn't get it off"
So many hard times dealing with my grandparents when they lost it. Sadly it only gets worse and worse.
Other things got really bad as it went on. The worst episode was waking up to walls smeared in feces because "I got mud on my pants and couldn't get it off"
So many hard times dealing with my grandparents when they lost it. Sadly it only gets worse and worse.
Posted on 12/22/16 at 11:06 am to Mie2cents
Thank God my Dad started asking to be driven places around 80. He realized he shouldn't be driving. He has Parkinbsons with Dementia. Saved us from having this conversation. But don't take it personally, they are not the same person or rational.
This post was edited on 12/22/16 at 11:07 am
Posted on 12/22/16 at 11:07 am to Mie2cents
It's a tough situation. Tried to visit my paw paw and he fussed at me, thinking I was Munoz dad, for taking all his guns away.
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